Thursday, September 28, 2006

I'm A degenerate

El Padrino's Weekly Betting Column

College:

FLORIDA (-13.5) over Tuscaloosa
Coming off a great Victory on Sat. the Crimson Tide stroll into a Swamp that will be "out of control rabid like animals" loud. And for good reason. Last season when Bama beat down the Gators in Tuscaloosa they were seen on the sidelines making the throat cutting gestures and mocking the famed "Gator Chomp". Urban Meyer remembers this, vividly. I'm sure he'll remind all the players as well.

Rutgers (-4) over SOUTH FLORIDA (Friday Night)
Well, this is a pressure pick. I'm putting some pressure on the Scarlett Knights here. I thank they have a good football team and the AP ranked them for the first time in 3 or 4 presidents.
Now they have to go on the road and prove that they belong. I mean, USF is no slobberknocker but they are a tough out. Especially on the road. Rutgers have about 20 or so players from the Florida area so the home crowd may be a bit "Joisy". Smell me?

Ohio State (-6) over IOWA
Last time they were on the road they dismantled the National Champions. Troy Smith has been phenomenal. He'll continue his Heisman push.

PROS:

PANTHERS (-7) over Saints
Since I'm chalking up that Monday night win as an aberration I do not think the Saints are a true 3-0 team. Prove it. Panthers need this game and Drew Brees jersey is still white. I smell some grass stains. ($50)

FALCONS (-7) over Cards
Again, since Monday night never really happened, I will dismiss the loss the Falcons suffered at the hands of the mighty Saints. Two more weeks til Leinart. ($100)

Jags (-3.5) over SKINS
Portis is the only shot Skins have at keeping this close. If they win or score, he'll have 42 carries. Not a good scenario for Washington. ($100)

BEARS (-3) over Seahawks
Seems like Bears are catching the Hawks at a good time. No Alexander, protection problems (Hasselback sacked 8 times so far), and after beating down the G-Men who knows what to expect (week 1 and 2, barely 25 points scored). Stevens is still out making them run 3 and 4 wideouts a set and Branch is the only one with balls. Darrell Jackson gets alligator arms against good defenses and Engram or Burleson are nothing speacial. If this were in December I would load up on this bet....($50)

Under 40.5 Dolphins/Texans
Fins will sack Carr like 88 times and Culpepper will turn the ball over in Houston territory. ($25)

Just Teasing:

Jets +21 (Mangini coached vs Peyton before)
Ravens + 14.5
Over Cheifs vs. Niners 28
Vikes +13
($150)

122 comments:

temwr said...

I can tell you the fans in Columbus are extremely worried about the Iowa game. I don't think anyone in this town would take the Buckeyes at -6.

Then again this town seems to think ESPN has a bias against Ohio State. So they are crazy here. And not in the good way either.

whocares said...

tem,

Are you shitting me? Bias against Ohio St.? Is that why they are considered #1 without really any second guessing at all, and with no regard for the other 8 schools that are undefeated?

I dip my balls on the whole state of Ohio...and Lance Armstrong.

Beth82678 said...

Whocares, if you're dipping your balls on Lance, in all fairness you should only dip one...

Isiah Thomas said...

I agree, Lance only gets half a ball dip since he's an "uno balero"

Isiah Thomas said...

Skins will not score a point this weekend, lock it up.

temwr said...

Nope, not shitting you. It is ridiculous here. The complaining is everywhere. "OSU doesn't get enough respect, yada yada yada", as a non Buckeye fan it drives me crazy. They are #1 and people say they don't get enough respect.

El Padrino said...

zeke you may be right

i smell 13-0 final

ToddPacker said...

El P

I'll be one of those rabid orange and blue fans in the swamp and I feel good about walking away with a W, but that spread is kind of high. Urban has a tendency to play up to the opponents level. (Not a lot of blow outs against the SEC). Now if the Ole'ball coach was still at the helm, he would make sure of a beat down would be equal to the one Bama handed the gators last year.

On another note.....Pedrooo, Noooo
My phone rang off the hook last night when the news became official that there would be no Petey in the playoffs. At least the mets know their situation and I hope that Hernandez, Glavine, TrashCan and Maine can get the job done.

temwr said...

Sample Columbus quote regarding Buckeyes taken from Columbus Dispatch (local paper) website/comment section:

"The Bucks need a convincing win this week on national TV to maintain their lead on USC and West Virginia, the two darlings of the media."

El Padrino said...

TP- i was preparing myself for that possibility... I like duque, Glavine but trax scares me a bit.
I mean think about it, Game 3 of NLDS and tied at 1-1 do you really feel good about Trachsel in that spot??

but they still have the best offense in the league so that has to count for something

anonymous said...

El Pad, dont kill yourself over Pedro.. we can still have our mets/tigers series.. there is still hope..

whocares said...

Consider the half ball dip done, in honor of Lance. I can handle it. I've got good balance.

While we're handing out half ball dips, should I just go ahead and get John Kruk out of the way as well?

anonymous said...

EP, not to dampen your spirits, but the Colts have had the best offense for the last few years too.

and i know what "best record overall" means... just ask the Red Wings and the Pistons.

El Padrino said...

tem, as i see it
that's how it is everywhere
the hometown media always create this no respect gimmick
the steelers were coming into this season and some hoopel from the pitt gazette says "no one show them any respect" and that's despite them winning the super bowl so you tell me ?
What the Fuck!

El Padrino said...

iam:
missin it bro?
what comment are you referring to?

El Padrino said...

and for the record, I think we should have a weekly
"What the Fuck" column or "WTF"

taking headlines from the sports world and raggin on them
it's a perfect vehicle for any one of us (espeacially IAM)

ToddPacker said...

Mets / Tigers would be sweet.

Leyland has done a great job managing this year. Is he getting enough credit up there in Detroit?He's got to be AL manager of the year, Right? Is he still thowing back smokes during the game? That was great when he was with Pittsburg and the camera would catch him lighting up in the corner of the dugout. I think it would be awesome one day if he walked out to the mound for a pitching change with a heater burning. Joe Buck types would probably shit their pants.

anonymous said...

EP, you said the Mets have the best O in the league.. i was just saying, yeah, so have the Colts..

i didnt want you to do bodily harm after hearing the Pedro news though.

temwr said...

WTF is a great idea.

El Padrino said...

oh gotcha

good point IAM

one thing though, Yanks havent won since 2000 but every year they have the best offense
coincidence, no
good pitching beats good hitting everytime
so im a little scared and im talking myself into the fact that the mets have the best o in the NL
smell me?

El Padrino said...

let me re-phrase that

60% of the time
good pitching beats good hitting all the time!

anonymous said...

EP - fo sho, im with you. illusions of grandeur...

just like im trying to talk myself into the Tigers being able to be such a young squad, but hopefully still make a playoff run.

temwr said...

Lance and Kruk should have to be ball dipped together. One for each of them.

And from previous thread: No I was not run over by a cyclist. I had my childhoos dreams of becoming a famous cyclist dashed when my bike was destroyed and I had no money to fix it. And now like a scorned lover I attack cycling whenever I can. Or something like that.

temwr said...

Hey did Shanoff's morning blog thing tie directly to the ESPN.com lineup again??

El Padrino said...

fuck shanoff

anonymous said...

Tem, i didnt check.. and i think by this time in the morning theyve changed their links slightly.. but i imagine (and would stake a ball dip on it) that he is staying consistent. it's been that way so far, so why should he change?

basically, EP sums up my feelings. im done over there until im deaaaaaaaaaaaaad bored.

jugdish said...

I'll bring up the Astros today...half a game back in their push to take the division from the SUCKY Cards.

I still see the Mets as a favorite in the NL, but if the stros made the playoffs, they could be a dangerous first round match up for the Mets.

Isiah Thomas said...

I just gave Shanoff's blog a look....what is up with his crush on Deadspin? Its already passed the borderline homo stage into full bore fire.

temwr said...

OK i looked at DS's page. I took the bullet. The topics were all the same, but the order was not exact.

And he is also apparently going to do an all bay blog tomorrow. He is calling it the tailgating blog or something.

temwr said...

How about TCU losing to BYU, WTF!?

temwr said...

If the Stros' make the playoffs does Clemens pitch on 3 days rest as often as needed? If this is his last year he might as well.

El Padrino said...

i hope the stros dont make it

only team i dont want to see
pettite, oswalt and the devil
please god no!

El Padrino said...

yeah tem
perfect for a WTF ?
TCU loses at home to a Big Sky opponent
WTF?

jugdish said...

I'd like the stros to make it so I can go to some more playoff games.

ToddPacker said...

No Astros

I can't take anymore of those super tight shots of Pettite's eyes just before his wind up.

It's just creepy in a WTF kind of way.

anonymous said...

hmm, a "tailgaiting" blog.. the only way that that is cool is if he's doing it from a wifi laptop at an ACTUAL tailgate..

although that would be a whole 'nother step of supreme loserdom... (seeing a guy blogging rather than pounding beers and getting into the actual game.)

im not clinging to my computer all day on a weekend too. if the situation dictates, then by all means, come on here and post.. but to post all day.. it aint like u get paid for it!

Los said...

Florida should roll. Like the pro-picks as well. Baltimore, a home dog?

Isiah Thomas said...

I love watching Tony Larussa's team implode.

The Rev said...

So let me get this straight...

Pedro is out weakening the Mets pitching staff for the playoffs considerably.

Even the Cards who might or might not get in are not getting in intact.

And the Phillies are choking again in a year where if they got in, they could have had a shot against anyone in the NL?

I will now shave my balls with a cheese grater.

Spaceman Spiff said...

if auburn and usc both go undefeated, usc will get 2 spot in BCS

El Padrino said...

which is horseshit spiff
auburn easily plays a more difficult sched

they've been screwed before

El Padrino said...

tom gordan said that jimmy rollins is better than Jeter

Philly daily news

wtf?

Zeke Fucks My Mom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
El Padrino said...

and i hear there is a dirty sanchez involved!!!!!

jugdish said...

That...or the rusty trombone.

El Padrino said...

ever been so busy at work that you defy it?
like today i'm so busy because it's end of quarter and end of month but i refuse to push myself and go into overdrive to get it all done.

I slack.

The Rev said...

Well, I don't know what to comment on first, Screech or Rollns Vs. Jeter.

Actually, I'll avoid Screech at all costs.

Rollins vs. Jeter... skills wise they're pretty even in my book. Rollins may be better in a couple of areas (speed and hitting for power). And Rollins is starting to become the team leader in Philly.

But as long as Jeter gets to play October ball and Rollins does not, Jeter will always be better for that reason.

El Padrino said...

reyes or rollins

of course i say reyes
of course rev says rollins

temwr said...

Jack Wilson.

Just started the Sports Guy friday article. His power rankings. For some reason I think this should be a good one.

thejaywhite said...

jaywhite made out with a girl last night!!! AND GOT HER NUMBER...now i debate if i actually call or just do the lazy mans text msg

thejaywhite said...

for the record i would have brought her home and banged her but it was 430 am..and i wanted to sleep.just woke up at noon eastern time...hate when i sleep in this long

Spaceman Spiff said...

SG copied the cheese grater joke rev, he mustve been reading our comments this morning and edited his column

temwr said...

How can Simmons be 21-19-2 and his wife be 25-19-2?? Is that a typo or did she actually pick more games than he did?

temwr said...

The Sports Gal should just pick the same picks as the Sports Guy the rest of the way, that way she is assured of beating him. Of course she probably already is assured of that now.

temwr said...

OK there has been 46 games, so the Gals number looks right.

Either Simmon didn't pick all the games or he is probably really 21-23-2.

The Rev said...

I swear I haven't even read SG yet today. That's funny.

Reyes or Rollins... of course I go with Jimmy Rollins. But I do not down Reyes one bit. He is quality too. I'd be happy with either one on my team.

Spaceman Spiff said...

sg is lying, he actually has a losing record, damn he is getting throttled

anonymous said...

i think we've really missed some great quotes from mike tyson lately.. all that T.O. BS really cock-blocked Tyson.

here's a small sample...

""I think I'm useless to society," he told the assembled crowd. "I don't think I'm worthy of the people who come out to see me, but they do."

If I don't get out of this financial quagmire there's a possibility I may have to be a punching bag for somebody," Tyson said Thursday at a news conference in Youngstown, Ohio. "The money I make here isn't going to help any of my bills really from a tremendous standpoint, but I'm going to feel better about myself. I'm not going to be depressed."


geez.. speaking of tomeone who might commit it! if this was a perfect world we couldve had 2 suicides in the same week.

i hate you, cruel, cruel world.

temwr said...

I must find audio of Tyson using the word quagmire.

El Padrino said...

he needs to be on tV all the time

Zeke Fucks My Mom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Beth82678 said...

Iam, how can you not include the greatest Tyson quote of all time?! (Well, at least it's my favorite.)

"I don't know what I'm going to do now. I might just fade into Bolivia."

Classic stuff.

anonymous said...

Tem,

http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/
boxing/news/story?id=2606686

try this link.. it has the embedded video clip on the right side. i cant view it at work, of course, but im hoping that this includes his quotes...

please god, give us those quotes..

anonymous said...

beth, that was just from his most recent statement. it was at his press conference to announce that he's doing exhibition fights just to raise money for himself.

he is bankrupt and cant pay bills.. but yet they said he used to have $300 million from boxing.

what a worthless POS.

Zeke Fucks My Mom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jugdish said...

ESPN has their first NBA power rankings up...thoughts??

JFreak said...

I thought he said "Bolivion"

anonymous said...

sonofabitch

jugdish said...

Zeke...your Knicks are 25th out of 30...not too shabby!

El Padrino said...

TYSON:
"my main objective is to be professional but to kill him"

go to:
http//kjkolb.tripod.com/
homepage/miketysonquotes.html

temwr said...

I think 25 out of 30 makes the playoffs in the NHL. I don't think that is true in the NBA though, gotta be top 20.

Zeke Fucks My Mom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zeke Fucks My Mom said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
anonymous said...

bulls above the pistons? eh.. it's not like they improved *that* much on the offensive end.

big ben brings offenses down.. trust me.

jugdish said...

Did the Pistons do anything to replace Big Ben? I don't remember seeing anything in the news.

The Bulls also added PJ Brown, so they will be very tough defensivly.

El Padrino said...

"My power is discombobulatingly devastating I could feel is muscle tissues collapse under my force. It's ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm."

Mike Tyson

Zeke Fucks My Mom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zeke Fucks My Mom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zeke Fucks My Mom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
El Padrino said...

basketball??
let me know when it's nov 1st

temwr said...

I can't too excited about basketball until March

Spaceman Spiff said...

"Anyone with a grain of sense would know that if I punched my wife I would rip her head off. It's all lies. I have never laid a finger on her"

tyson has a point here, i think that would hold up in court

Spaceman Spiff said...

"One morning I woke up and found my favorite pigeon, Julius, had died I was devastated and was gonna use his crate as my stickball bat to honor him. I left the crate on my stoop and went in to get something and I returned to see the sanitation man put the crate into the crusher. I rushed him and caught him flush on the temple with a titanic right hand he was out cold, convulsing on the floor like a infantile retard."

beautiful

El Padrino said...

awesome quotes on there
spiff is picking out some gems
here's one

“I want to throw down your kid and stomp on his testicles, and then you will know what it is like to experience waking up everyday as me. And only then will you feel my pain.”

El Padrino said...

[To a female reporter] "It's no doubt I am going to win this fight and I feel confident about winning this fight. I normally don't do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. So you shouldn't talk anymore... Unless you want to, you know."

*sigh*

whocares said...

Didnt he say he wanted to eat Lennox Lewis' children?

Spaceman Spiff said...

he is ridiculously verbose, i wonder how that happened, theres no way he even finished high school

temwr said...

"I paid a worker at New York's zoo to re-open it just for me and Robin. When we got to the gorilla cage there was 1 big silverback gorilla there just bullying all the other gorillas. They were so powerful but their eyes were like an innocent infant. I offered the attendant $10,000 to open the cage and let smash that silverback's snotbox! He declined."

Some of these quotes are a little too far out there. It makes me wonder if he really said these things.

El Padrino said...

some of them we know he said
for instance:
“[He] called me a ‘rapist’ and a ‘recluse.’ I’m not a recluse.”

and

"Lennox Lewis, I'm coming for you man. My style is impetuous. My defense is impregnable, and I'm just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat his children. Praise be to Allah!"

ToddPacker said...

"snotbox"...priceless

temwr said...

Some of them I remember seeing video/audio of, others I have never heard in my life, but laugh my ass off thinking about him saying them.

temwr said...

"I can sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating."

Like that one. When did he say that? WTF?

El Padrino said...

no he did say that one
cuz i remember it, he was talking about pay-per view, some one asked him why should anyone pay to see him fight if it's always over in less than a minute..

then he said that

Spaceman Spiff said...

"They'd throw me in jail and write bad articles about me and then go to church on Sunday and say Jesus is a wonderful man and he's coming back to save us. But they don't understand that when he comes back, that these crazy greedy capitalistic men are gonna kill him again."

sometimes he makes sense

temwr said...

Awesome.

Spaceman Spiff said...

"if they went through what I went through, they would commit suicide. They don't have the heart that I have. I've lived places they can't defecate in."

pure poetry, can someone explain why someone like him would not just say take a shit but instead says defecate, who is teaching him these words?

Spaceman Spiff said...

"I'm on the Zoloft [an antidepressant] to keep from killing y'all."

that made me laugh

Spaceman Spiff said...

im defnitely gonna hire his english tutor once i have kids

temwr said...

http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/
09/29/congressman.e.mails.ap/
index.html


umm, WTF?

anonymous said...

not to break up that classy touch that is mike tyson..

but the Pistons signed Nazr Mohammed as B-Dub's replacement.

and yes, it's nazy mohammed, but still.. youre telling me that the Pistons, even with Rasheed at C, are not better than the bulls?

Spaceman Spiff said...

pistons are better right now, the bulls have proven nothing, the rankings will change after week 1 of the season

Spaceman Spiff said...

whats up with colorado and school shootings?

anonymous said...

yeah, cause the Heat arent repeating.

thats fo sho.

anonymous said...

spiff, please put things in perspective.

TO (allegedly) tried to commit suicide and mike tyson needs money.

stop being so selfish.

thanks,
the rest of the free world.

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

the Bulls are WAY overrated.

Spaceman Spiff said...

that congressman is up to no good, the bits of the emails they showed remind me of the tone peter kings articles

anonymous said...

so he's an uniformed condescending asshole with no redeeming qualities?

sounds like a congressman..

Rep. Mark Foley likes little boys!

Isiah Thomas said...

EP - gotta disagree with the Auburn SOS claim.

Spaceman Spiff said...

iam, i see your congressman and raise you a mayor

http://www.wgal.com/news/9950813/detail.html

anonymous said...

oh yeah, i saw this one back a few months.. good to see this dude is finally just giving in. (youre on tape bro, let it go!)

although one of the charges was "patronizing a prostitute". how does that work? is there supposed to be an ethical code of how to treat a prosto'?

and secondly, who's more dumb.. him for asking (as if he wouldnt get caught), or the first lady who actually had sex with him?

at least he got some ass out of it.. good for a 72 yr old ya know.

thejaywhite said...

I love Tyson

I feel bad for him..society failed him.

thejaywhite said...

A tyson reality tv show would be the highest rated TV show of all time.

no doubt about it, he is a fascinating human being, a true legend of our time and someone who I will forever link with my era...

tyson, jordan, ben johnson...thats the top 3 athletes of when i really cared about sports 88-95ish

thejaywhite said...

sure gretz was great but he didnt have the personality that these 3 had.

Isiah Thomas said...

26 is the new # to beat in golf btw.

whocares said...

Zeke,

Auburn could potentially play four teams ranked (at one time this year) in the top 10.

What other team does that?

Keith S said...

The same thing happens in college football almost every year. It's September and there are some undefeated teams, and everyone immediately talks about who is going to get screwed over. I can only remember 1 or 2 times since the BCS started that 3 teams had a legitimate reason to believe they should be in the championship game. There's still 2 months left in the season folks, and more than likely things will fall into place and there will only be 2 deserving teams will play in Glendale on January 8. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a fan of the current system and I'd much rather see a playoff, but by the time the season is over the odds are good that there will be only 2 teams standing.

JFreak said...

I'm amazing.

whocares said...

Keith,

As an Auburn fan and alum I felt the same way in 2004. I kept telling myself that everything would work itself out in the end. We all know how that turned out. Most AU fans have resigned themselves to the fact that if we go undefeated along with USC and OSU then we will be left out again. And that fucking sucks.

And yes, there is still a long way to go, but we are bracing ourselves for another letdown.

Jay Scott said...

WRECK'EM TECH

JFreak said...

Go Iowa.

whocares said...

Thanks Iowa. And another thanks to Washington St. Preciate neither of you coming through...

Dikembe Meiztombo said...

since we're pimping our teams, Badgers have the clear way to a 10-2 season.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino