Here we are again. I told cmk she has to be involved in this episode, so we'll see.
All times MST
Whitney Houston died????? Whoa.
7:03 The Boss opens up the show. He has some earrings that would make deluxe proud. I've said it before, I'm not a fan of Springsteen. But hsil is a ya-huge fan if his. Cmk said that hsil is probably jizzing right now. It's weird that he's singing "I Will Always Love You" though. (s)
7:07 Lady Gaga is wearing a wrestling mask or something. Tyler would know.
7:08 LL Cool J is hosting. It's good to see that he has bolth pant legs down to his shoes. He starts with a prayer for WH. Amen
7:10 Man oh man. Whitney was a hot piece of ass back in the day.
7:11 I just thought of a new drinking game. Take a shot every time LL licks his lips. I'm drunk just thinking about it.
7:13 first performance of the night is Bruno Mars. I don't like him. Cmk is going OFF on him. "He's so ugly. He's so ugly. He's so ugly, ew gross. And he's like 5 foot". Awesome
7:24 Alicia Keys & Bonnie Raitt on stage to sing an Etta James sing. Weird pairing. I guess they wanted to pair someone I would have sexy time with and someone tem or jug would have sexy time with. Makes sense when you think about it.
7:25 first award if the night, best pop solo. I bet Adele wins. I hope it's not Gaga. Suite, it was Adele. LP is masturbating to her right now.
7:28 LL just licked his lips 4 times. Shots shots shots shotsshotsshots!!!
7:29 Chris Brown performance. I agree with mize, I would punch this guy in the face. But then I'd axe him to show me how to dance. Butnott in a gay way
7:37 Marc Anthony and Fergie's penis are presenting best rap song. Tem is on the edge of his seat...to hear the winner, not to get closer to to Fergie's penis. Some song I've nerve heard from Kanye & Hova won. Congrats, black people.
7:40 Country music performance. Time to go pee.
Oh snap, cmk is in the kitchen making some mafuggin rice krispie treats dipped in chocolate. No, I wasn't going pee in the kitchen.
7:46 Jack Black introduces the Foo Fighters. TP has FF chills right now. I'm not a fan of their new stuff. This song is alright, though. It seems he's learning to walk again.
7:54 Rihanna & Coldplay. Another weird combo. I guess they wanted to pair someone I would have sexy time with and someone mize would have sexy time with. Makes sense when you think about it. But it looks like when they announced Rihanna with Coldplay that what they meant was Rihanna would sing first and then Coldplay would sing. Sneaky.
7:58 Wait, nervemind. Rihanna is helping Coldplay sing. You know, because she is known for her grate* voice and all.
8:02 Now Coldplay gets the stage alone. I like this song. I don't know what it's called, though. He does whoaohohoooohoooohoohwhoaohwhoa a lot in it. Maybe it's called Paradise, he says that a lot too.
8:11 Manningham & VCruz presenting with some ugly bitch with a ginormous mouf. Manningham wears his sunglasses at night. And he wears a picnic table cloth as a shirt. They're presenting best rock song. And the Grammy goes to...FF. TP just jizzed hisself*.
8:14 Maroon 5 singing some Beach Boys now. I hate Maroon 5. put Adam Levine at the top of my "I want to punch that guy in the face" list. If murder was legal, I'd punch him in the face til he was dead and gone. So angry.
8:16 Foster the People singing Beach Boys now. If bgas wasn't standing here dancing to the music I would be fast forwarding it right now. I like Foster the People, but like jug, I'm not really a Beach Boys fan.
8:19 Now the Beach Boys singing Beach Boys. Cmk "this is awful. Awful. Sad." And she's a BB fan. I can't watch these 90 year olds anymore. But this song reminds me of Vegas Vacation.
8:31 Stevie Wonder on stage. Can't believe he has 22 Grammys. Wow. Apparently Stevie also wears his sunglasses at night. He doesn't want Manningham getting all of the attention. He introduces Paul McCartney. I'm going to get some dessert now. This song is awfuler than all of your faces, combined.
8:35 Common and some black chick present best R&B album. And the Grammy goes to...Chris Breezy. look at me now. I'm gettin paper. So much for that whole women* beating incident.
8:39 country music. Fuck yeah! I've been waiting all night for this fucking shit. Ladies & gentleman*, it's....TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT!!!!! All 57 lbs of her. And her John Elway lip. I really don't understand why she's so popular.
8:50 NPH presenting song of the year. 3 of the songs I've nerve heard of. Adele wins. LP is masturbating again. And why shouldn't he be? What with her yearglass figure and all.
8:54 Good God, that's Kate Beckinsale's music! I heart her. A lot. She introduces Katy Perry and her blue hair. KP has a nice little camel toe going. And her boobs are jiggling. Everyone wins.
8:58 Adam Lambert's sister and Dirks Diggler present best country album. Tem and jug are jizzing right now. And the Grammy goes to...Lady Antebellum. Good for them, they are the best of the crap.
9:06 LP, better get your lube out again. Skineth Paltrow introduces Adele. If you average the weight of these 2 chicks, it would be 125 lbs.
9:07 We could of* had it all. LP is pounding like a carpenter right now. Aitch is over this by now. However, it is nice to see someone actually sing when their* onstage.
9:07:30 ohohohohohohahahahahahahfuckfuckfuck ahhhhhhhhhhh. /LP
9:10 Standing O for Adele. LP gave her a laying on his back O.
9:16 Taylor Swift's 1/2 lip is introducing Glenn Campbell. She just said "last year, Glenn announced he was facing Altheimers disease". Altheimers disease is the worse. I rewound it 5 times to make sure, and yeah, it's Altheimers disease.
9:19 Way too much country Muzak tonight. Glenn Campbell singing Like a Rhinestone Cowboy now. Good to see that Altheimers disease hasn't let him forget the words to this song yet.
9:32 Goddamn, Carrie Underwood is a fine human being. That's all I have to say about that.
9:35 Best new artist. I remember when Picasso won this back in the day. /TP
9:36 and the Grammy goes to...some dude I've nerve heard of. Ron Iver and his male pattern baldness.
9:42 Time to show everyone who died in the last year. Big names this year. Winehouse, Nate Dogg, Don Cornelius, Heavy D, Whitney, Steve Yobs, Etta James, Clarence Clemons.
Hey keef, can you throw Etta James a bone? /Jug
Why aren't any white folk dying? /mizelock
9:47 JHud gets onstage and belts out I Will Always Love You. I'm impressed.
I can't believe they wouldn't get Dolly to sing that. WFT? /Jug
9:53 Chris Brown &FF perform again in some tent outside Staples. I ax why they're having the same people perform again. After CB gets off stage and FF start their song, cmk says "why are they having the same people sing again?"
10:10 Nicki Minaj performing on stage now. Maybe she'll sing the song that says "kiss my ass and my anus". She was introduced my mize's bf Drake. Nicki is a weird chick. She's a pretty suite rapper, but she's Lady Gaga crazy. This performance is dumb. Let's get on to the next award already.
10:14 Lady Antebellum giving out record of the year. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Adele will win and LP will jack off again. And the Grammy goes to...LP's spanktravision. Big night for Adele. Did anyone else notice that she says "Fank you". Stupids Brits.
10:22 Diana Ross' hair is awarding album of the year. I'm trying to guess who will win. Adele was nominated for 6 Grammys and she won 6. She's like a modern day version of the Monkees, who were a big influence n the Beatles. I bet you didn't know that.
Good night.