Friday, January 30, 2015

Super Bowl

I'll stick with the tried and true "Defense Wins Championships" but a few points here. Hawks +1

I wonder which weapon Belichick will commit to taking away. Lynch or Wilson's zone read runs/options. Or both?

If the former, will he live with one on one coverage on the outside?

My take is take Lynch out of the game. Revis was a tremendous signing, let the man do his job. Baldwin is average and Kearse is below average.

I'm taking the under 47.5 in this game. All of Pats Super Bowls with the exception of the Carolina one, their first, hit the under.

Part of my reasoning is that the Seahawks offense is pretty bad, statistically the only thing they do well is run. And I have to figure Belichick will take that element away, or try. On the other side Seattle's best weapon is their defense. Even with the ball in their territory 7 times in the first quarter vs. Green Bay they only gave up 16 points. 4 times in the Red Zone.....Bend don't break I guess.

Gronk effect. Pats will be creative in getting him open.

Seattle speacializes in the same defense the Giants have beaten the Pats with in their last 2 appearences. This is truth. Good four man rush, press corners, backers moving back and forth in their lanes and at least one safety.

Brady is the best QB, statistically, vs. blitzes. More specific, big blitzes. You will see no blitzes called from Seattle from the Falcons head coach Quinn.

Seattle has the best kicking combo on the game. Pats have the 4th best.

Sherman's injury is a non-factor. Earl Thomas's injury was more sever and generally heals in 2-3 weeks. Could be an issue, especially the way he throws his body around.

Josh McDaniels was offensive coordinator during the Spygate things and is now the offensive coordinator during Deflategate things. Just sayin.

Take the over in FG's.

Seattle's weakest link is right tackle. I would expect to see the Pats attack that side on passing downs.

I thought Clay Matthews has an all-world game last week vs Seattle. He was fantastic. Played spy on Wilson perfectly and shed multiple blocks when they ran.

Shane Vereen is a sleepy pick for MVP......

On the Seattle side, Luke Wilson seems to score in important moments. Sleepy MVP pick.

Have fun boys and fuck ISIS and Russia.

God Bless America.





Saturday, January 17, 2015

Championship Pickles.

Both games are extremely interesting.

I thought the Colts coming into this playoff competition were the 3rd weakest team, behind the Panthers and Cards. Carolina got the draw of a lifetime and even though they played like trash they won easily. Bengals did what they do best opening the door for a Colt team that lost to every single team on their schedule this year with a winning record. Last week after Carolina met its maker the Colts pretty much rolled a Denver team that pretty much rolled over. I still don't understand how 53 professionals who "love the game" came out to a playoff game with white flags. I think they moved on because the Broncos gave up and their QB turned 45 six years early.

Brady is the greatest QB I think in my lifetime. There I said it. Ok. Leave me the fuck alone. He's zeroed in on this opportunity since the confetti rained down on Eli's second super bowl party. He is a 'scorched earth" type player. He wants a shot at another championship and he will scorch earth to get it. If Andrew Luck has any weakness at all, despite saying he does not, Belichick will exploit it. And if here doesn't he will exploit everyone else. It's not only about Bady though. Gronkowski is healthy, Revis is Revis. Edelman is clutch. Browner is glue. It's too much for Indy who don't have enough playmakers. I got the Pats to cover 7 points (31-23)

If you have Rodgers you have a chance I keep telling myself that. But I can't get over the Seattle's defense. It's so good. It's great. It's better, in my opinion, then the 2000 Ravens team. Same amount of all-pro's. Almost at the same positions. What do you think it's like preparing your offense vs. this defense every week in practice. It's like somehow I forget the Seahawks play offense. It's sort of like, does it matter? Seattle's D is that feared cleanup hitter that always goes yard. It's the ace in the hole. It's 4 back to back Draw Four cards in Uno. It's the can opener in a bomb shelter. It's a force. Packers will hang around until the third quarter. Seahawks will be defending their title, I got them to cover the 7.5. (27-17)

Thursday, January 15, 2015

january temblings

Advice

So on one hand you have never go to bed angry then on the other hand you have sleep on it. Both phrases are said all the time but they never really fly in each other's face. It's like sleep on it isn't for marital issues and never go to bed angry is only for marital issues. Well I am a proponent of the sleep on it idea for almost everything. For instance work is annoying the fuck out of me lately but sleeping on it usually solves the problem. The next day whatever I was pissed about has gone away and there is new shit to do. Plus the time just reminds me that the grass isn't greener on the other side. Jobs suck. So I guess what I am saying is go ahead and go to bed angry, fuck that saying. Sleep on it.

Ohio State

Good fucking Lord. Fans around here are so fucked up. All they will talk about it what are the three QBs going to do next year. They won't even relish the title and enjoy the moment. We are already on to what is Urb going to do with 3 Heisman trophy candidate QBs. If you tell them that any one of them isn't going to be here next year they go apeshit. If you say that you heard Miller is thinking of transferring to Oregon they either tell you that there is no way he'd do that or that he'd never do that because he has to sit out a year (they don't know the Russell Wilson rules). If you tell them Jones is going pro they tell you he can't because he is a sophomore (they don't know the eligibility rules for the draft). In any case it is kind of fun to watch them go apeshit but they have no ability to sanely discuss the 3 QB "problem." The most likely scenario seems to be that Braxton transfers and Barrett and Jones battle it out. It wouldn't shock me to see 2 of the 3 guys transfer. I would be shocked to see any of them go pro. I would be SAS for Barrett and Jones, but only shocked for Braxton. And yeah nobody calls Braxton Miller around here by his last name. Apparently the whole town is on a first name basis with him. Jones gets Cardale and Jones but Braxton only gets called Braxton.


LeBron

Being a player coach is hard.



License Plate

Saw IH8PPL, that was a good one.


Football Picks from Tem

Seattle and New England win. The other teams lose. El Pad can add further analysis.


Oscars

I haven't even heard of half of these movies. I have no idea what Birdman is about. If it is about Koko B Ware then I am in, otherwise not so much. The Grand Budapest Hotel sounds dumb, but again I have no idea whatsoever about the plot. I guess it is about a hotel in Budapest. I don't have time for this movie shit. And I am not going to see American Sniper. That is a drama disguised as an action flick, fuck that shit. Don't try to trick me into watching a movie by showing explosions and guns and stuff.


UFC et al

Jon Jones is legend. Gets popped for coke on a test that never should have been run and then goes into rehab for one day as a damage control publicity thing. That is fucking hilarious. It'd be bigger news if it wasn't for Kurt Busch saying his ex-girlfriend is a trained assassin. America can only handle one crazy ass story from a sport at a time and luckily for these guys UFC and NASCAR get lumped in with a bunch of other sports in the Fringe Sport category. Other Fringe Sports include bowling, tennis, golf, soccer and hockey. These are sports that the average American keeps track of on a macro level (look it up if you don't know what it means) but doesn't delve into a micro level on it. Football, baseball and basketball all get the micro treatment.


Also in UFC news Carla Esparza will meet Joanna Jedrzejczyk in the first ever women's strawweight title defense. Good Lord that is a hell of a last name. Jedrzejczyk? You fucking kidding me? That sumbitch ends with 5 consonants in a row and has a 3 consonant streak in it too.


NFL Draft

I just don't want Winston to the Bucs. Anyone But Winston. He seems like a super talented dipshit. When is the last time a QB with absolutely no common sense made it big in the NFL for more than 1 or 2 years? Maybe in the 70s or something. Cam Newton seems like maybe he isn't so smart but I don't think he qualifies as a "elite" and while he had some trouble in college it wasn't stealing crab legs when you could have asked for them and gotten them for free trouble.

Also I don't really want them to draft Mariota. He seems like a more slender, quicker Tim Tebow.


OK that is enough junk.

Friday, January 09, 2015

Playoff Pickles

Baltimore +7
Seattle -10.5
Dallas +5.5
Den-7

That Baltimore line is nuts.
The Seattle line couldn't be high enough.
Dallas has been unreal on the road and I have no idea what to make of Rodgers calf in freezing temps.
Denver going to mollywop the Colts.

Saturday, January 03, 2015

Curiously Strong Mints

Playoffs?

Is anyone picking the Cardinals? Poor Arizona fans (if any). Facing a team that won their division with less wins then they already had in week 11 of the season as 7 point underdogs. Todd Bowles, if he is head coach worthy, this is the game to prove it. Stop that rushing attack and you will be walking the sidelines as the HNIC come next fall. Get gashed and you will just be a Rooney rule candidate. No pressure.

I'll take the points. Arizona.

Media making this matchup seem like Hines Ward, Ed Reed and Ray Lewis are still playing. They are not. Harrison is barely playing and Suggs is the only "rivalry" player there still. This is a game of matchups and the truth is the Ravens secondary is terrible and the Steelers passing game is incredible.

Steelers by a mile.

No idea, could pick either team. Both have flaws, none of them are fatal. Ultimately - you go with "Never trust a ginger" and take the horseshoes.

Indy -3 is the play.

Best offensive line in football all year vs. the best defensive line in football all year. I really want Dallas to lose obviously. Jerry Jones pats himself on the back every morning for this years division crown. Despite 8 or 9 mediocre, middling seasons before it. Fucking guy has the ego of Kanye West. But I never make picks with my heart. Dallas is better than the Lions. Plain and simple. No one can cover Dez Braynt this year. Funny because you could probably say the same thing about Calvin Johnson. I don't like the points but I like Dallas to advance. Demarco Murray's pimp hand is strong.

Detroit +6.5

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Christmas

BUT DO YOU RECALLLLLLLLLLLLLL
THE MOST FAMOUS REINDEER OF ALL!!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS boys!

God Bless the children. Spoil them, they are precious.

Friday, December 19, 2014

Roasted Chicken and Red Wine

Hi how is everyone?
You have everything set for xmas?
What's the big kid gift this year?
Any time off?

Please don't answer any of the above questions. I'm sure you answered them a million times in your own corp settings.

Real story on WWL : "New England has the only NFL offense that changes its game plan each week to attack opponents' flaws. " - Thought everyone did that? Isn't that kind of the point of studying tape. So confused.

I'm a little surprised they benched Cutler, despite his poor season isn't he still the guy there? Don't they need to work together? Meaning Trestman, Cutty and the OC guy? Or fuck it they will clean house.

Looks like, to my count, 7 jobs will be open. Seems high.
Oak, Miami, Jets, Niners, Bears, Falcons, and a wild card or surprise if you will.

For me it's a toss up between Jay Gruden resigning or Bengals firing Lewis if they miss the playoffs. If they fire Lewis people will march and yell Black Lives Matter. Also small chance Ron Rivera goes. Giants are keeping Coughlin. Guaranteed.

10% chance Sean Payton leaves or gets fired. Just a feeling. Even though him and Brees are so connected.

I'm hoping Harbaugh takes the money. GO BLUE!

Starting watching Sons of Anarchy. So far so good.

Pickles.

If Philly doesn't smash Washington then Jameis Winston is involved somehow.

San Fran because Rivers possibly out.

Sota with a huge road win sealing Philbins fate.

Baltimore because they need to keep pace in the wild wild North chase.

Detroit because Claussen is not the answer.

Carolina because Manziel is Troy Smith / Billick

New Orleans because Superdome.

Green Bay because no fucking way.

Burgh because KC doesn't throw the football.

New England because they study tape better than everyone else.

Giants because of course they will finish 7-9 to frustrate their fan base and not force any changes.

Oakland because Derek Carr is a stud.

Indy because Luck has played shitty three weeks in a row.

Seattle because they are dominating right now.

Denver because Dalton.


======)> - - - - (:

Friday, December 12, 2014

El Pad's Xmas Wish List 2014 version

I want all of these things but will get none of these things.

Still looking for that Taser.....
A case of Booker's Bourbon. It is simply my favorite on earth.
Microsoft Surface Pro laptop/tablet
One of those cordless screwdrivers, whichever one allows you to change the angle and has a little light.
Silpat silicone baking sheets
a Charles Thyrwitt gift certificate so I can buy my dress shirts
All of Michael Ruhlman's cookbooks
Air Jordan 11's
Bose SoundTouch Wi-Fi music system
A nice pair of cufflinks
Pat La Frieda's MEAT book and a 5 pounds of his Shake Shack hamburger blend
A squatty potty, for less stressful shits

Pickles.
Steelers -1
Chris Rock called Rothlisberger the Bill Cosby of the NFL. Ha.

Giants -6.5
What a mess the Skins are.

Miami +7.5
Everyone is picking New England to be in the Super Bowl right now.

KC -10
I really like Carr but the Cheifs are due.

Indy -7
Luck can suck sometimes ya know.

Bal -14
GB -4
Rodgers is certainly the best.

Car -3
Cle -1
Johnny. Football.

Jets -2
Den -4
Det -9.5

SF +10
Whoa. Vegas is mad sour on SF huh? Doesn't help thier QB is a mental midget.

Philly -3
NO -2.5
How do you pick the Bears for anything right now?

Friday, December 05, 2014

Ice Pops

Man Kim Kardashian visiting the troops. I can still hear the fapping.

Mikey Rourke strikes me as that actor who talks like he is in a movie all the time.

Oil is backing Putin into a corner. The ruble is crashing. He is getting desperate which makes him dangerous.

Harbaugh in Ann Arbor? If I'm AD at Michigan I hand my program over to Greg Schiano. That motherfucker can coach.

We have a local weather person here for ABC, her name is Amy Freeze. Perfect name. Also she has big tits.

Meiz are you on Tinder? Or is pussy still not a priority for you?

If animals were gay I think Giraffes would be the gayest.

I think excessive force was used during the Eric Garner arrest and I think the cop should have been indicted on manslaughter charges. I wouldn't call that murder. I'm surprised he got off. Well not surprised because prosecutors and cops lie in the same bed but the evidence seemed overwhelming. I don't even mind the chokehold to take him down but once he said he couldn't breath, let go. There are 5 of you. I'm sure he could have been contained and even if he starting swinging out of it he was already on the floor. Pathetic. I'm surprised they bothered a fat dude selling loosies outside a store. There has to be something more pressing to resolve than untaxed cigarette sales? Also, that's ATF's job. Go get the REAL drugs off the street.

The Ferguson grand jury got it right. That dude was a piece of shit and put the cop in an impossible situation. With that said, I don't think beat cops are trained properly or given the proper tools to defend themselves. Rubber bullets, tasers, old-fashioned night sticks.

Terminator Genysis trailer is HDH but I'm totally confused. John Conner is sent back in time to save his mother?
Or is the Terminator sent back in time and to the future to bring down Skynet?

Fucking Skynet.

Pickles.

Cincy -3
(Dalton is Cutler 2.0 with less zip)
Stl -3
(Tre Mason time)
Giants pick em
(Jints lead the league, again, in players on injured reserve, by a mile too)
Carolina +10
(Cam Newton took two steps back this year, quietly a non story for some reason)
Jets +6
(It's fucking cold in Minnesota right now)
Miami -2.5
(Why isn't Richie Incognito playing football but Jonathan Martin is?)
Indy -3.5
(I don't believe in Hoyer, Pettine is playing himself right now)
Det -10.5
(Run it Detroit, you will need the running game in the post season)
Jax +6
(If I see another JJ Watt story I'm going to murder someone)
Denver -10
(They are lock city at home in the regular season)
KC -1
(Cheifs get off the snide, Arizona has real injury problems and Stanton is not taking them anywhere)
Sea +1
(Because defense travels and it's rounding into form)
SF -8
(Not a road game, Kaepernick will never be a franchise QB, he is so immature)
NE -3.5
(Like I said earlier in the year, coming off a loss the Pats are basically indestructable)
GB -13
(Good god the Falcons have no shot)




Sunday, November 30, 2014

Turkey sucks

Ravens
Giants
Cards
Saints
Kc
Pats
Texans
Vikes
Bengals
Bills
Oak
Colts

Friday, November 21, 2014

Jungle Fever

It's snowing in Buffalo.

Is Ebola still a thing?

How is Tebow on the SEC network? Does anyone outside of the gulf coast area watch that channel?

I'm not comparing the Cosby thing to the Paterno thing because Joe Pa didn't touch anyone but it is eerily similar. Fall from grace, old people, rapey, etc.

Christmas is here.

Homeland is straight fire right now.

You will be taking the Mets seriously next year. All of you.

Never had Gumbo.

What's Spiff up to?

Pix
Record, ask Keef

Falcons -3
Titans +11
Detroit +7.5
Green Bay -9.5
Jax +14
Cincy +1
Jets + 3
Bears -6
Arizona +7
St Loo +4
Denver -7
SF -10
Giants +3
Balt +3


Friday, November 14, 2014

clubbing penguins

Sammy Watkins hair is too long. You would think speedsters wouldn't want all that drag.

Finished True Detective finally. HOLY MOLY.

Collitch Bball starts. Pitino vs. Pitino. WHO YA GOT.

30 for 30's are so solid

Jameis Winston seems like a bad dude.

ISIS prints thier own money now. This is not good.

People know we've seen Kardashian (younger and hotter than she is now) sucking cock on video right? Who cares she posed nude for a publication no one heard of? WTF am I missing?

Story of the week is a comissioner of one of the top 4 pro sports all for legal gambling on sports....

Don't believe the hype, Economy is worse than ever.

This may shock some of you but at Apple's stock price now, hitting all time highs (again) I think it's just now starting to ripen, think it could even double within 24 months. Do with that info as you may.

Pinch me! We got Michael Cuddyer!

Sad that chick from Real World died from cancer.

The concert for valor was cool.

Pickles

Makes no sense the Bears are favored (-2.5) so I will just take them.

BROWNS -3 over Texans, insane cover of SI this week saying JJ WATT could be MVP. So absurd. In this day and age of QB and passing game he has as much of a shot at winning MVP than Ray Rice. Whoever wrote that fucking sucks.

KC-2 over Hawks, KC playing really well going to be a pain in the ass in the tourney if they score a Wild Card spot.

Atlanta +1 over CAROLINA, two steaming piles of NFC South crap going at it, I hope RED ZONE shows no part of this game. I'll just watch the TD montage before they go off air.

NO-7 over Cincy, Get the feeling the Bengals are in a bit of a tailspin here......

WASH -9 over Tampa, Joey Gruden, nephew of John son of Jay plays basketball for the Dayton Flyers. Fun Fact.

Denver -10 over RAMS, watch out for the sneaky special team tricks Bronco coaches they will try anything to keep the ball away from Peyton. Jeff Fisher knows.

GIANTS +4 over Niners, That 49er QB is such a bitch. I hate him so much.

Oak +10 over SD, Sparano is like undefeated ATS except for when he plays Peyton.

GB -6 over Philly, great game - real test for the new wetback hero of South Philly, we'll see how well he plays in cold temps in front of a juiced up Packer crowd

AZ -1 over Lions, big time game wish it was the national game

NE +3 over Indy, isn't Belichick like 99-1 off a bye?

Pit -6 over TITANS, ugh can we flex this game to London or Islamabad and put the AZ/DET game in this time slot?


Don't worry about the title, just trying to draw some traffic here.


Friday, November 07, 2014

wahhhh

My life is out of control busy. I work the equivalent to 7 days a week, sometimes actually 7 consecutive days. Close to 70 hours a week. I need a real vacation. I feel my temper at my day job creeping up to aitch type boston brawl level.

Move ya facking faggit.

Cincy
Buffalo
Detroit
Jax
Saints
Ravens
Jets
Falcons
Denver
Arizona
Seattle
Green Bay
Philly

what have you guys been up to.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Boo! (Get it?)

World Series analysis
Doesn't matter how much he weighs The Panda can RAKE.
He was like a spanish Tony Gywnn this post-season.
Bumgarner throws alot of high fastballs that generate alot of outs. Is that a riser?
Giants winning without thier best hitting player doing anything of value. (Posey)
Joe Buck's double play call in Game 7 - Could be, Should be, Is. Double Play!
Harold Reynolds fawning over EVERYTHING
Fuck Marlin Man.

Other anaylsis
Hope my kids get a ton of SPK's.
Lil man is Captain America, girl is Spidergirl. (Feeling Marvelous) (Get it?)
Interstellar will not live up to the hype because the hype is a fucking skyscraper.
How does that Disney/Marvel deal look now haters?
Knicks are good. S.

Picks
Record : Keef knows

BROWNS - 7 over Bucs
Logic: Don't take the Bucs for the rest of the year under any circumstance.

Az +4 over COWBOYS
Dallas in trouble. Exposed by Jim Haslett. He layeth the blueprint. Bowles will follow it and then some. Immobile Romo.

HOUSTON +2 over Philly
Philly's o line is banged up.

KC -10 over Jets
How do I take the Jets they are brutal.

Jax +11 over BENGALS
That's a lot of points to give when your QB has red hair.

SD +2.5 over Miami
A week to stew over the beating Manning put to them last Thursday the Chargers will roll Miami.

Skins even over VIKES
RG!!! is ba....... Oh man looks like his right leg exploded. He's out.

ST Loo +10 over SF
Seems high.

Den -3 over BRADY
It's the Manning vs. Brady! CBS execs are having a bukakke party right now at headquarters.

Oakland +16 over SEATTLE
Too much inconsistency to lay wood like that.

Bal -2 over STILLIRS
Bethca big ben doesn't throw 6 tds and over 500 yards again? How much you wanna bet.

Indy -3 over GIANTS


Friday, October 24, 2014

Mettenberger Time

Just doesn't roll off the tongue like Tebow Time

I hope one day some team signs Tebow so Adam Schefter explodes like he got hit from that gun Terry Crews wields in The Expendables.

Detroit -3.5 over Atlanta
No home team this game will be over before you knew it was on. Cheeri-o! They are boratcasting* it at 9am. Sorry West Coast. You are deprived of the shitty Falcons run defense. If there were a team in London, permanently I wonder what they would call it. I mean a new team. Like expansion. Not the fucking Jaguars. How about the Hogwarts? Or the Tea Bags!

Unrelated they should allow or we should force a team based in the U.S. in the Premiere League. That's soccer. If they get a NFL team we get a soccer team. Whats fair is fair god damn it.

KC- 7 over Rams
Austin Davis in Arrowhead. Yikes.

TITANS -2.5 over Houston
See the Post title.

Minny +2.5 over TAMPA
Think Lovie Smith is thinking shit I should have waited a year for a better job to open?

CAROLINA +5 over Seattle
Juicy home dog.

Baltimore -1 over CINCY
Two teams going in the opposite direction. A.J. Green's toe is killing them.

Miami -6 over JAX
Tannyhill been sick since his coach called him out.

Bears +6 over PATS
A lot of shit swirling around the Bears this week.

JETS -2.5 over Buffalo
Bills are one dimensional right now with a noodle armed QB.

AZ -2.5 over Philly
The Cards are for realz.

Oak +6.5 over BROWNS
Too many points. Is that the Browns giving more than a TD? WTF.

Colts -3 over STEELERS
Steelers are dogshit. Rothlisberger is not black enough.

SAINTS -1.5 over Packers
They're back!

Skins +10 over BOYS
Easy they ain't THAT good. Feed Alfie Mo, control clock. BLITZ.



Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino