Friday, July 04, 2008
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Et tu, Bilas?
Yeah, so I just watched Mighty Ducks 3. Classic hilarity. It was enjoyable.
Michael Barrett fouled a ball off his face and broke his nose. Sucka.
What the hell is wrong with Carlos Marmol? His ERA has gone from 2.09 to 3.56 in 6 appearances. Marmol being mortal really puts a dent in the Cubs playoff hopes. Baseball is unjust sometimes. Marmol gave up a 3-run homer to tie the game and ends up getting the win.
The whole Sonics thing is just sad. I see Bennett's side of it, he wants a team in his hometown. Civic pride and whatnot. But it's just ludicrous that he was allowed to hijack a franchise, with Stern's seal of approval, no less. It's great that Seattle is fighting this so hard...Stern deserves the negative publicity. TrueHoop had a good take on it.
I just read somewhere that Bennett is going to make copies of the Sonics championship banners and take them to OKC. Minor WTH. What's the purpose? The records are being vacated, why would he take the banners and claim them as his own?
Oh Sportscenter, what are you doing to yourself? Freeze Frame? Really? Don't show comments from people on the internet. The people that roam the ESPN comment pages are we todd did.
Why in the world does McDonald's try to be so hip? It's just some god damn sandwiches, get over yourself. They try so hard to be so cool. You're a fast food company, stop trying to sell yourself as a lifestyle. Stay off of my TV, Ronald McDonald, or I'll chokeslam you.
The US slipped to 30th in the FIFA rankings. I spit on the FIFA rankings. They shouldn't be penalized for not being able to play in the Euro.
Die already, Favre.
A really sweet Dark Knight poster:
I'm not sure how many times I've said that I'm pumped for this movie, but damn, I am pumped. Midnight showing, in IMAX. Ah. May. Zing. Fun fact: Dark Knight was shot exclusively in Chicago.
Almost forgot...video of the week. If you remember back to the last two drafts, there was a video of a guy heckling Stephen A Smith during the ESPN coverage. Well, he did it again this year. Featuring Kenny Smith, Kevin Love, and of course, Lil' Screamin A. In case you missed the other ones, here's the 2006 and 2007 versions.
Talk amongst yourselves.
Michael Barrett fouled a ball off his face and broke his nose. Sucka.
What the hell is wrong with Carlos Marmol? His ERA has gone from 2.09 to 3.56 in 6 appearances. Marmol being mortal really puts a dent in the Cubs playoff hopes. Baseball is unjust sometimes. Marmol gave up a 3-run homer to tie the game and ends up getting the win.
The whole Sonics thing is just sad. I see Bennett's side of it, he wants a team in his hometown. Civic pride and whatnot. But it's just ludicrous that he was allowed to hijack a franchise, with Stern's seal of approval, no less. It's great that Seattle is fighting this so hard...Stern deserves the negative publicity. TrueHoop had a good take on it.
I just read somewhere that Bennett is going to make copies of the Sonics championship banners and take them to OKC. Minor WTH. What's the purpose? The records are being vacated, why would he take the banners and claim them as his own?
Oh Sportscenter, what are you doing to yourself? Freeze Frame? Really? Don't show comments from people on the internet. The people that roam the ESPN comment pages are we todd did.
Why in the world does McDonald's try to be so hip? It's just some god damn sandwiches, get over yourself. They try so hard to be so cool. You're a fast food company, stop trying to sell yourself as a lifestyle. Stay off of my TV, Ronald McDonald, or I'll chokeslam you.
The US slipped to 30th in the FIFA rankings. I spit on the FIFA rankings. They shouldn't be penalized for not being able to play in the Euro.
Die already, Favre.
A really sweet Dark Knight poster:
I'm not sure how many times I've said that I'm pumped for this movie, but damn, I am pumped. Midnight showing, in IMAX. Ah. May. Zing. Fun fact: Dark Knight was shot exclusively in Chicago.
Almost forgot...video of the week. If you remember back to the last two drafts, there was a video of a guy heckling Stephen A Smith during the ESPN coverage. Well, he did it again this year. Featuring Kenny Smith, Kevin Love, and of course, Lil' Screamin A. In case you missed the other ones, here's the 2006 and 2007 versions.
Talk amongst yourselves.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Swimming gets me wet
Guest post by Beth who reminds us she was the first guest post-er in LOV history when she argued that Michael Vick was overated. I checked, she's right. Nice work Beth. Too bad you didn't include the dogfighting thing. You really would have freaked us out.
Anyway she writes about swimming (trials or something on TV or not on TV, enjoy!) and the title has a double-meaning of course.
On to the meat of the sammich.
This is my second guest post (LOV trivia – I was the first guest poster ever on LOV and used it to argue Michael Vick was over-rated) and I could use it for a memorial for UGA VI, or to talk about Chipper or to bitch about the Thrashers and how little they’ve done since they joined the league.
But since nobody but me on LOV really cares about those things and they’re only really important locally, I figure I’ll post about something nobody but me on LOV really cares about but is at least important not only nationally but internationally. And by that I of course mean swimming.
It doesn’t seem to be getting much play in the local papers or nationally from what I can tell, but I think everyone is missing out on the accomplishments of an athlete who may be as dominating in his sport as Tiger is in his and MJ was at his peak. (No, this is not a NASCAR “look, I can turn left!” post.) I’m talking about swimming and Michael Phelps. He currently holds 6 world records and has set a total of 24 of them over his career, often lowering his own times. All this and he just turned 23 the other day. He won 8 medals at the 2004 Olympics (4 gold) and should win more medals with more gold in Beijing. (If he wins 7 or more gold medals this time around, he gets a $1 million dollar bonus so that’s just extra motivation.)
The reason I’m choosing right now to bring this up (besides the need for a fill-in poster) is that the US Olympic swimming trials are going on right now in Omaha. They’re getting very basic coverage, in that USA, and occasionally NBC, is only doing an hour of coverage/highlights each night, but so far several world records have been set and we’re only about halfway through the trials.
So if you find yourself in the evenings looking for something to watch (EP says: instead of crusing the net for porn?, I’d recommend you tune in to the trials. Besides, if you don’t mind a few muscles there are some very cute and athletic women on there in swimsuits (look for Amanda Beard and Natalie Coughlin especially).
Anyway she writes about swimming (trials or something on TV or not on TV, enjoy!) and the title has a double-meaning of course.
On to the meat of the sammich.
This is my second guest post (LOV trivia – I was the first guest poster ever on LOV and used it to argue Michael Vick was over-rated) and I could use it for a memorial for UGA VI, or to talk about Chipper or to bitch about the Thrashers and how little they’ve done since they joined the league.
But since nobody but me on LOV really cares about those things and they’re only really important locally, I figure I’ll post about something nobody but me on LOV really cares about but is at least important not only nationally but internationally. And by that I of course mean swimming.
It doesn’t seem to be getting much play in the local papers or nationally from what I can tell, but I think everyone is missing out on the accomplishments of an athlete who may be as dominating in his sport as Tiger is in his and MJ was at his peak. (No, this is not a NASCAR “look, I can turn left!” post.) I’m talking about swimming and Michael Phelps. He currently holds 6 world records and has set a total of 24 of them over his career, often lowering his own times. All this and he just turned 23 the other day. He won 8 medals at the 2004 Olympics (4 gold) and should win more medals with more gold in Beijing. (If he wins 7 or more gold medals this time around, he gets a $1 million dollar bonus so that’s just extra motivation.)
The reason I’m choosing right now to bring this up (besides the need for a fill-in poster) is that the US Olympic swimming trials are going on right now in Omaha. They’re getting very basic coverage, in that USA, and occasionally NBC, is only doing an hour of coverage/highlights each night, but so far several world records have been set and we’re only about halfway through the trials.
So if you find yourself in the evenings looking for something to watch (EP says: instead of crusing the net for porn?, I’d recommend you tune in to the trials. Besides, if you don’t mind a few muscles there are some very cute and athletic women on there in swimsuits (look for Amanda Beard and Natalie Coughlin especially).
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
I'm not in NH
So I did not have to go to New Hampshire today. That's a good thing because I am pretty sure I smell like last night's beer. Last night there was a lot of beer. Just for kicks I'll toss out a timeline of events:
5:30 - Get to the bar with buddy from work.
5:31 - Order first two beers of the night. We order beers two at a time, so we are both double fisting beers.
5:35 - Buddy looks at the bottles of Miller Lite which have the win a free Harley Davidson game things on them and says "this is gonna be my lucky night."
5:35 - Ring leader of the moo cow brigade that just walks by gives my buddy the death stare. Apparently MCBRL thought he was talking about getting lucky with her.
5:37 - I notice that the MCB has a new member. And she is not a MC. We go over many plans on how to separate her from the herd.
5:50 - Round 2 of Miller Lites
5:51 - Co-worker shows up. We order her 2 beers. She tries to catch up by chugging half of one then gives up.
5:51-6:20 - Making fun of other co-workers and more drinking. Somewhere in there round 3 of Miller Lites was ordered.
6:20 - Co worker 2 shows up. She orders 2 cranberry and vodkas. We try to explain to her how liquor is a little stronger than Miller Lite. She is having none of this talk.
6:20 - 6:40 - My buddy and I point out the MCB and the one non MC. We explain our plan to separate the non MC from the herd. Co-workers are less than impressed with our plan. Also they point out that the non MC seemingly has a boyfriend or something as some guy is hanging all over him. Negotiations turn to one of our co-workers distracting the boyfriend. They have none of this. Round 4 of Miller Lites is ordered as well as round 2 of cranberry and vodkas.
6:45-7:15 - More discussion of other co-workers and why they are not as cool as us. I explain who "Kangaroo" is. Co-workers are less than impressed at first, but it is all a front. They eventually admit that "Kangaroo" is hilarious.
7:15 - My buddy steals one of my beers. It is my fault for being slow. I am getting hungry and thus am distracted.
7:15-7:40 - My buddy and I notice another non MC. We discuss ways to separate her from the herd. Co-workers ask us why we are afraid to approach the herd. We explain that is because the herd has a lot of girth and is scary. Neither me nor my buddy is willing to take a chance we end up with one of the MCs. Co-workers say they don't blame us. Round 5 of Miller Lites are ordered, round 3 of cranberry and vodkas.
7:45 - Co-worker 2 decides it is time to do shots with the bar tenders. Tem passes, tem's buddy does not. Co-worker 1 decides she needs to go home and cook dinner for her husband.
7:45-8:20 - Shots are taken, plans are made to go to co-worker 1's house on Tuesday night and play the traffic drinking game.
****Traffic Drinking Game Rules: You sit on the porch with your beer. Everyone gets a color. If a car of your color drives by you have to drink. If an emergency vehicle drives by everyone drinks. If the emergency vehicle has its sirens on everyone has to finish their drink. If the emergency vehicle is going the wrong way on the one way road then everyone has to shotgun a beer*****
8:20 - 10:00 - Co-worker 2 tells us tales of her previous marriages and in general gives too much information. Rounds 6 and 7 of Miller Lites are ordered. Round 4 of cranberry vodkas are ordered, more shots are done with the waitress. Tem and buddy slow down on the drinking, co-worker 2 is out of control. We play the "Holy Shit its Tom Walsh!!!!" game. In this game we just scream "holy shit its Tom Walsh." Tom Walsh is not amused as Tom Walsh has no clue who we are. Tom Walsh leaves. Waitress gives us a dirty look.
10:05 - Trying to get co-worker 2 to her car so my buddy can drive her home.
10:30 - Successfully get co-worker 2 to her car after she throws her keys down the garage steps and we retrieve them...twice.
10:30-11:00 - Buddy drives co-worker 2 home, tem follows, tem will drive buddy back to his truck after we get co-worker 2 home. Along the way co-worker 2 makes my buddy pull over so she can puke. Also when we got to her condo she told us the wrong condo and she tried to open someone else's door. They were not amused. Eventually we got her to her place.
11:00 - 12:00 - Trying to get co-worker 2 to stop puking. Also trying to get her to keep her shirt on. Very amusing, except not really. Co-worker finally stops puking. Spits gatorade on me because she doesn't like the purple kind. Debate as to why she even has the purple kind ensues. Tem loses debate. Advil gets spit on me too. Co-worker 2 finally figures out how to explain to us how to set her alarm. Turns out you just push the "on" button. Tem and buddy make sure co-worker is in bed with alarm set. Tem and buddy leave.
12:00 -12:30 Drive back to work garage to drop buddy off at his truck. Stop at Wendy's along way because tem was starved.
12:30 - 1:00 - Go home and go to bed. Work is in 7 hours....
Well I am running late here and left some parts out, but for the most part this was what I did yesterday.
5:30 - Get to the bar with buddy from work.
5:31 - Order first two beers of the night. We order beers two at a time, so we are both double fisting beers.
5:35 - Buddy looks at the bottles of Miller Lite which have the win a free Harley Davidson game things on them and says "this is gonna be my lucky night."
5:35 - Ring leader of the moo cow brigade that just walks by gives my buddy the death stare. Apparently MCBRL thought he was talking about getting lucky with her.
5:37 - I notice that the MCB has a new member. And she is not a MC. We go over many plans on how to separate her from the herd.
5:50 - Round 2 of Miller Lites
5:51 - Co-worker shows up. We order her 2 beers. She tries to catch up by chugging half of one then gives up.
5:51-6:20 - Making fun of other co-workers and more drinking. Somewhere in there round 3 of Miller Lites was ordered.
6:20 - Co worker 2 shows up. She orders 2 cranberry and vodkas. We try to explain to her how liquor is a little stronger than Miller Lite. She is having none of this talk.
6:20 - 6:40 - My buddy and I point out the MCB and the one non MC. We explain our plan to separate the non MC from the herd. Co-workers are less than impressed with our plan. Also they point out that the non MC seemingly has a boyfriend or something as some guy is hanging all over him. Negotiations turn to one of our co-workers distracting the boyfriend. They have none of this. Round 4 of Miller Lites is ordered as well as round 2 of cranberry and vodkas.
6:45-7:15 - More discussion of other co-workers and why they are not as cool as us. I explain who "Kangaroo" is. Co-workers are less than impressed at first, but it is all a front. They eventually admit that "Kangaroo" is hilarious.
7:15 - My buddy steals one of my beers. It is my fault for being slow. I am getting hungry and thus am distracted.
7:15-7:40 - My buddy and I notice another non MC. We discuss ways to separate her from the herd. Co-workers ask us why we are afraid to approach the herd. We explain that is because the herd has a lot of girth and is scary. Neither me nor my buddy is willing to take a chance we end up with one of the MCs. Co-workers say they don't blame us. Round 5 of Miller Lites are ordered, round 3 of cranberry and vodkas.
7:45 - Co-worker 2 decides it is time to do shots with the bar tenders. Tem passes, tem's buddy does not. Co-worker 1 decides she needs to go home and cook dinner for her husband.
7:45-8:20 - Shots are taken, plans are made to go to co-worker 1's house on Tuesday night and play the traffic drinking game.
****Traffic Drinking Game Rules: You sit on the porch with your beer. Everyone gets a color. If a car of your color drives by you have to drink. If an emergency vehicle drives by everyone drinks. If the emergency vehicle has its sirens on everyone has to finish their drink. If the emergency vehicle is going the wrong way on the one way road then everyone has to shotgun a beer*****
8:20 - 10:00 - Co-worker 2 tells us tales of her previous marriages and in general gives too much information. Rounds 6 and 7 of Miller Lites are ordered. Round 4 of cranberry vodkas are ordered, more shots are done with the waitress. Tem and buddy slow down on the drinking, co-worker 2 is out of control. We play the "Holy Shit its Tom Walsh!!!!" game. In this game we just scream "holy shit its Tom Walsh." Tom Walsh is not amused as Tom Walsh has no clue who we are. Tom Walsh leaves. Waitress gives us a dirty look.
10:05 - Trying to get co-worker 2 to her car so my buddy can drive her home.
10:30 - Successfully get co-worker 2 to her car after she throws her keys down the garage steps and we retrieve them...twice.
10:30-11:00 - Buddy drives co-worker 2 home, tem follows, tem will drive buddy back to his truck after we get co-worker 2 home. Along the way co-worker 2 makes my buddy pull over so she can puke. Also when we got to her condo she told us the wrong condo and she tried to open someone else's door. They were not amused. Eventually we got her to her place.
11:00 - 12:00 - Trying to get co-worker 2 to stop puking. Also trying to get her to keep her shirt on. Very amusing, except not really. Co-worker finally stops puking. Spits gatorade on me because she doesn't like the purple kind. Debate as to why she even has the purple kind ensues. Tem loses debate. Advil gets spit on me too. Co-worker 2 finally figures out how to explain to us how to set her alarm. Turns out you just push the "on" button. Tem and buddy make sure co-worker is in bed with alarm set. Tem and buddy leave.
12:00 -12:30 Drive back to work garage to drop buddy off at his truck. Stop at Wendy's along way because tem was starved.
12:30 - 1:00 - Go home and go to bed. Work is in 7 hours....
Well I am running late here and left some parts out, but for the most part this was what I did yesterday.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Contrary To Popular Belief, My Computer Is Not Gay.
Its too damn busy here, and I'm a shitty typist.
A few things off the top.
My sister was at the very least, mildly flattered that the bisexual chick thought she was cute. She blushed and everything. Hilarity.
I'm a pervert. But not in the weird, crazy, EP, knockin' one-out-at-the-computer-while-surfing-Redtube kind of way. More along the lines of I'm-looking-down-as-many-shirts-as-possible way.
I did some longboarding last night. I'm surprised more people don't die doing that.
I didn't watch any sports this weekend. I was way too busy pouring vodka down my gullet.
Sweet. Here comes a fat broad with a van full of wedding gifts. People are so fucking stupid.
I'm just watching Miggy unload this bitch's van, and I can see the misery in his face. Sucker.
Sorry about the sad state of this post. Why is this whore talking to me? I'm not dealing with you.
I totally had a good Pecos Deke story. You can either blame my alcoholism or blame the fat Wisconsin people that keep coming in here.
Fuck it. I'm done.
Friday, June 27, 2008
It's a diary, sort of.
Semi-live NBA draft diary
7:51pm - Don't like OJ in Minny but hey, he was the best player in the draft. At least he can't get in trouble. So cal >>>>>>>>>>>>> Minny. Rocking some butt ugly shoes. And what's with the beard.
7:54 - Sonics take Westbrook. Wow. I thought the Knicks were reaching at #6. Donnie Walsh definetely just tossed a legal pad across the room. Jesus.
7:56 - I like Bilas. Good analyst. Van Gundy still needs sleep.
7:57 - The SAS interviews along with this wench are going to get funnier as the night go on. Stu Scott trying to rile the crowd up. Asshole.
7:58 - I hope the Italian kid understands they are going to boo him lustily. Mostly because they haven't seen him play. And because they are probably sauced. From what I hear he would have ripped up college.
8:00 - Pineapple Express? I don't know what to make of it.
8:01 : Gotta go Love hear if your Memphis no?
8:02 : Yup. I'm good.
8:03 : Ok. I'm hyperventilating. I don't know what the Knicks are doing. Are they going
PG in Augustine? Or Bayless? Are they going Euro in Danilo? Gordon? They might go Gordon. Jesus that kid is a mess. Talented but a mess. Starbury will turn him into a jewel thief for sure. They ain't taking the retard from WVU. Or one of the Lopez dunk dummies. At least I hope not. Fuck. I'm sweating. I like Bayless. And I've watched enough Youtube clips on the Italian to not be totally pissed if they take him. Get this bitch out of here already! Fuck. Who is this cunt? She has fat arms. Fuck, here we go...............................oh jesus, oh jesus, oh jesus....please....
8:07 : Ok. Ok. Breathe. I saw this coming. We all did. Don't laugh at me. Don't you dare laugh at me! Pull up his clips. This is not Frederic Weis part deux. Stop it. Personally I wanted Bayless. At lease Steph don't speak Italian. I need a break.
8:13 : Gordon has a prom suit on. How cute. His screwed in Clipperland.
8:18 : The Gund said Knicls don't need PG help. Said Starbury, if he played to his potential, is good enough. Um yeah. Gund, that's what we've been saying. You need more than talent to play in the NBA Gund. The Gunder. Gunderoni.
8:20 : Gotta track the draft online for a little while. The kid wants to watch The Backyardigans.
Fuck off. At least I'm not in a movie theater watching Kung Fu Panda.
8:20 : Retard from WVU went to the Bucks. Kid can score. I have nothing else to add.
8:21 : Bobcats up. No clue on where they are going with this pick. No idea who they need. Forgot they were even in the league.
8:25 : They went Augustine. He must be thrilled.
8:29 : Nets should go B. Rush. Replace some perimeter scoring RJ provided.
8:32 : D'oh. A Lopez? Weird. I don't care but that wasn't a bright pick.
8:33 : Pacers got the PG situation under control now. I'd say a power forward now. Maybe the LSU kid or the Kansas guy Arthur. Rush would fit there too.
8:36 : They took Bayless. Best available approach? Ok. Now they have 4 PG's. Interesting. A trade seems imminent. Goodbey Tinsley. You wield a powerful broom stick.
8:38 : Sacratomatoe up. I hope they don't think Udrich can run that team. They should take Chalmers. Let's see. Unrelated Brad Miller is pulling in 10.5MM this season. Chew on that.
10:25 : I missed some picks. Kid was a bastard to get down for the night. A real terror.
While I was gone trades happen. Discuss in the comments.
Closing thoughts:
Jason Thompson was surprise. Joey Dorsey was not a first round pick. I thought he would go late twenties. Hibbert to Totonto is interesting.
Lopez in Phoenix makes some sense.
Sonics got D.J White from the stons' for some 2nd rounders. Veteran move there by DOOOOOOMars.
Chalmers dropped too. Weird
Save the Sonics.
7:51pm - Don't like OJ in Minny but hey, he was the best player in the draft. At least he can't get in trouble. So cal >>>>>>>>>>>>> Minny. Rocking some butt ugly shoes. And what's with the beard.
7:54 - Sonics take Westbrook. Wow. I thought the Knicks were reaching at #6. Donnie Walsh definetely just tossed a legal pad across the room. Jesus.
7:56 - I like Bilas. Good analyst. Van Gundy still needs sleep.
7:57 - The SAS interviews along with this wench are going to get funnier as the night go on. Stu Scott trying to rile the crowd up. Asshole.
7:58 - I hope the Italian kid understands they are going to boo him lustily. Mostly because they haven't seen him play. And because they are probably sauced. From what I hear he would have ripped up college.
8:00 - Pineapple Express? I don't know what to make of it.
8:01 : Gotta go Love hear if your Memphis no?
8:02 : Yup. I'm good.
8:03 : Ok. I'm hyperventilating. I don't know what the Knicks are doing. Are they going
PG in Augustine? Or Bayless? Are they going Euro in Danilo? Gordon? They might go Gordon. Jesus that kid is a mess. Talented but a mess. Starbury will turn him into a jewel thief for sure. They ain't taking the retard from WVU. Or one of the Lopez dunk dummies. At least I hope not. Fuck. I'm sweating. I like Bayless. And I've watched enough Youtube clips on the Italian to not be totally pissed if they take him. Get this bitch out of here already! Fuck. Who is this cunt? She has fat arms. Fuck, here we go...............................oh jesus, oh jesus, oh jesus....please....
8:07 : Ok. Ok. Breathe. I saw this coming. We all did. Don't laugh at me. Don't you dare laugh at me! Pull up his clips. This is not Frederic Weis part deux. Stop it. Personally I wanted Bayless. At lease Steph don't speak Italian. I need a break.
8:13 : Gordon has a prom suit on. How cute. His screwed in Clipperland.
8:18 : The Gund said Knicls don't need PG help. Said Starbury, if he played to his potential, is good enough. Um yeah. Gund, that's what we've been saying. You need more than talent to play in the NBA Gund. The Gunder. Gunderoni.
8:20 : Gotta track the draft online for a little while. The kid wants to watch The Backyardigans.
Fuck off. At least I'm not in a movie theater watching Kung Fu Panda.
8:20 : Retard from WVU went to the Bucks. Kid can score. I have nothing else to add.
8:21 : Bobcats up. No clue on where they are going with this pick. No idea who they need. Forgot they were even in the league.
8:25 : They went Augustine. He must be thrilled.
8:29 : Nets should go B. Rush. Replace some perimeter scoring RJ provided.
8:32 : D'oh. A Lopez? Weird. I don't care but that wasn't a bright pick.
8:33 : Pacers got the PG situation under control now. I'd say a power forward now. Maybe the LSU kid or the Kansas guy Arthur. Rush would fit there too.
8:36 : They took Bayless. Best available approach? Ok. Now they have 4 PG's. Interesting. A trade seems imminent. Goodbey Tinsley. You wield a powerful broom stick.
8:38 : Sacratomatoe up. I hope they don't think Udrich can run that team. They should take Chalmers. Let's see. Unrelated Brad Miller is pulling in 10.5MM this season. Chew on that.
10:25 : I missed some picks. Kid was a bastard to get down for the night. A real terror.
While I was gone trades happen. Discuss in the comments.
Closing thoughts:
Jason Thompson was surprise. Joey Dorsey was not a first round pick. I thought he would go late twenties. Hibbert to Totonto is interesting.
Lopez in Phoenix makes some sense.
Sonics got D.J White from the stons' for some 2nd rounders. Veteran move there by DOOOOOOMars.
Chalmers dropped too. Weird
What's the Gunderoni's wingspan? 2 feet?
I'm done. More thoughts tomorrow.Save the Sonics.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
The No Knowledge Lottery Mock
This is pretty much guaranteed to be awful, considering my considerable lack of NBA knowledge. At some point I might just shammy it up and copy someone else's mock. I'm only mocking the lottery picks, deal with it.
1. The Chicago Bulls select Derrick Rose, guard who didn't graduate from Memphis.
He's like, from Chicago. And apparently really good. It seems certain they're going to pick him, so I'm not going to try to figure out why.
2. The Miami Heat select OJ Mayo, guard who didn't graduate from USC.
Pat Riley hates black people, so there's no way he's selecting Beasley. Who cares if the Heat already have a guard who loves the ball in his hands? It appears the Heat are going to count on Alonzo Mourning to anchor their frontcourt. It's almost certain he dies this year.
3. The Minnesota Timberwolves select Michael Beasley, forward who didn't graduate from Kansas State.
Beasley apparently lost 3 inches between the end of college and now. He was trying to appeal to the Kod crowd. His strategy worked brilliantly. People keep saying Beasley is better than Durant. Although, admittedly, it isn't hard to be better than a twig that jacks up 40 shots a game.
4. The Seattle LameDucks select Joe Alexander, forward who didn't graduate from West Virginia.
This move didn't make much sense to me. But then I remembered how much the Sonics owners are trying to piss off the fan base. And what better way is there to do that than drafting a retard?
5. The Memphis Grizzlies select Kevin Love, forward who didn't graduate from UCLA.
Jerry West loves old school players, so here he selects Kevin Love, who loves being old. Oh, Jerry West doesn't work for the Griz anymore? Too late now. Also, Love likes the Beach Boys, so he's got that going for him.
6. The New York Knicks select Danilo Gallinari, ninny forward from Italy.
I love this pick for the Knicks. I think it lets them continue their tradition of playing like crap. D'Antonio apparently had sex for 8 years with Danilo's father. Mike may or may not be Danilo's father.
7. The Los Angeles Clippers select Jerryd Bayless, guard who didn't graduate from Arizona.
Since Shaun Livingston is dead and Sam Cassell the alien was shipped off to Bahston, the Clippers need a new point guard to dangle in trade rumors. Bayless is young and has TREEEEEEEEEEEMENDOUS upside, so he fits that role well.
We've now reached the halfway point in this stupid mock draft. Time for a word from our sponsor, the hit new TV show on ABC, "Wipeout."
8. The Milwaukee Bucks select DJ Augustin, guard who didn't graduate from Texas.
Deke wanted me to say the Bucks would pick DJ. Ask him why.
9. The Charlotte Bobcats select Russell Westbrook, guard who didn't graduate from UCLA.
Michael Jordan is an awful GM/President/Owner/Underwear Model. That's why he's picking a point guard of equal value to one they already have. Almost forgot, Larry Brown sucks. So there.
10. The New Jersey Nets select Brook Lopez, center who didn't graduate from Stanford.
The Nets are trying to become more attractive in an effort to woo LeBron James two years from now. Being the first NBA team to select a female would definitely entice James to come see if he could bang Brook. Expect Brook to fall apart now that her siamese twin, Robin was dejoined.
11. The Indiana Pacers select Eric Gordon, guard who didn't graduate from Indiana.
Hmm, how did this happen? It seems shocking that Gordon would end up here. This would be the perfect way to get the Pacers fan base fired up again. Trade away dead weight like JO and Tinsley and pick up local guy EG? Can't get much better.
12. The Sacramento Kings select Roy Hibbert, center who actually graduated from Georgetown.
The Kings want a player that can take on Ron Artest in a freestyle rap battle. Sacramento sees phenominal upside in Hibbert and hope he can blossom into a Shaq-like rapper. No word on Roy's deputy potential.
13. The Portland Trail Blazers select Mario Chalmers, guard who didn't graduate from Kansas.
The Trail Blazers are hoping that Chalmers can teach Oden and McRoberts how to win during March Madness. He'll bring the kind of veteran presence you just can't draft. Plus, he's never been to jail, so that's a big plus.
14. The Golden State Warriors select Kosta Koufus, center who didn't graduate from Ohio State.
Kosta is just the type of Grecian gangster that can set Stephen Jackson straight. Tales of Aristotle, Socrates, Plato and Pythagoras are just what the Oakland community needs. Philosophize this, retard.
1. The Chicago Bulls select Derrick Rose, guard who didn't graduate from Memphis.
He's like, from Chicago. And apparently really good. It seems certain they're going to pick him, so I'm not going to try to figure out why.
2. The Miami Heat select OJ Mayo, guard who didn't graduate from USC.
Pat Riley hates black people, so there's no way he's selecting Beasley. Who cares if the Heat already have a guard who loves the ball in his hands? It appears the Heat are going to count on Alonzo Mourning to anchor their frontcourt. It's almost certain he dies this year.
3. The Minnesota Timberwolves select Michael Beasley, forward who didn't graduate from Kansas State.
Beasley apparently lost 3 inches between the end of college and now. He was trying to appeal to the Kod crowd. His strategy worked brilliantly. People keep saying Beasley is better than Durant. Although, admittedly, it isn't hard to be better than a twig that jacks up 40 shots a game.
4. The Seattle LameDucks select Joe Alexander, forward who didn't graduate from West Virginia.
This move didn't make much sense to me. But then I remembered how much the Sonics owners are trying to piss off the fan base. And what better way is there to do that than drafting a retard?
5. The Memphis Grizzlies select Kevin Love, forward who didn't graduate from UCLA.
Jerry West loves old school players, so here he selects Kevin Love, who loves being old. Oh, Jerry West doesn't work for the Griz anymore? Too late now. Also, Love likes the Beach Boys, so he's got that going for him.
6. The New York Knicks select Danilo Gallinari, ninny forward from Italy.
I love this pick for the Knicks. I think it lets them continue their tradition of playing like crap. D'Antonio apparently had sex for 8 years with Danilo's father. Mike may or may not be Danilo's father.
7. The Los Angeles Clippers select Jerryd Bayless, guard who didn't graduate from Arizona.
Since Shaun Livingston is dead and Sam Cassell the alien was shipped off to Bahston, the Clippers need a new point guard to dangle in trade rumors. Bayless is young and has TREEEEEEEEEEEMENDOUS upside, so he fits that role well.
We've now reached the halfway point in this stupid mock draft. Time for a word from our sponsor, the hit new TV show on ABC, "Wipeout."
8. The Milwaukee Bucks select DJ Augustin, guard who didn't graduate from Texas.
Deke wanted me to say the Bucks would pick DJ. Ask him why.
9. The Charlotte Bobcats select Russell Westbrook, guard who didn't graduate from UCLA.
Michael Jordan is an awful GM/President/Owner/Underwear Model. That's why he's picking a point guard of equal value to one they already have. Almost forgot, Larry Brown sucks. So there.
10. The New Jersey Nets select Brook Lopez, center who didn't graduate from Stanford.
The Nets are trying to become more attractive in an effort to woo LeBron James two years from now. Being the first NBA team to select a female would definitely entice James to come see if he could bang Brook. Expect Brook to fall apart now that her siamese twin, Robin was dejoined.
11. The Indiana Pacers select Eric Gordon, guard who didn't graduate from Indiana.
Hmm, how did this happen? It seems shocking that Gordon would end up here. This would be the perfect way to get the Pacers fan base fired up again. Trade away dead weight like JO and Tinsley and pick up local guy EG? Can't get much better.
12. The Sacramento Kings select Roy Hibbert, center who actually graduated from Georgetown.
The Kings want a player that can take on Ron Artest in a freestyle rap battle. Sacramento sees phenominal upside in Hibbert and hope he can blossom into a Shaq-like rapper. No word on Roy's deputy potential.
13. The Portland Trail Blazers select Mario Chalmers, guard who didn't graduate from Kansas.
The Trail Blazers are hoping that Chalmers can teach Oden and McRoberts how to win during March Madness. He'll bring the kind of veteran presence you just can't draft. Plus, he's never been to jail, so that's a big plus.
14. The Golden State Warriors select Kosta Koufus, center who didn't graduate from Ohio State.
Kosta is just the type of Grecian gangster that can set Stephen Jackson straight. Tales of Aristotle, Socrates, Plato and Pythagoras are just what the Oakland community needs. Philosophize this, retard.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Links
Iam is going here to maybe get a shot at performing here. I wouldn't recommend he go here. But if all goes well he may just end up on this list. And then end up with something like this.
Just don't forget this IAM, no musician is good without it.
And now some SFW Booty for a Wed.
Just don't forget this IAM, no musician is good without it.
And now some SFW Booty for a Wed.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Nonsense From Tem
Nonsense From Tem is a good title to anything I post. Ever. I'm pretty sure all my sentences are structured correctly, it's just that sometimes the meaning of the sentence is nonsense. Sadly, that's just the way my brain works. Everything is technically correct, but the end results are fracked up. Anyway, let's get to some nonsense.
Shaq rap about Kobe is hilarious. Of course Shaq stopped being relevant about 16 weeks ago so I don't give a rats ass what he says. The Shaq era in the NBA is clearly over. I'm not sure what era it is now but I am sure it ain't the Shaq era. And Shaq covering it up by saying he was just freestyling is beyond dumb. Clearly Shaq hates Kobe. That's fine. I hate lots of people. I hate this chick from downstairs because she is a bitch. She's gotten a little fat lately, added a pouch to her stomach, so now I call her Kangaroo. I think its fucking hilarious, others don't. Whatever. I don't apologize for it. It is what it is. Everyone agrees that she is a bitch, but somehow "kangaroo" is crossing the line. Fuck the line and whoever made it.
In random dream news all of my dreams last night were based on the TV show Simon and Simon. I'm not sure what to make of that. I'm not sure I want to even try. It was nice to see each dream end up in a tidy manner though. Usually my dreams just end with no real resolution in place. All of these dreams (and there were like 5 of them) ended with Simon and Simon catching the bad guy and neither of the Simon brothers scoring with the victimized woman. Oh, and in case you were wondering I was not in the dreams myself, I was pretty much just watching Simon and Simon display mad detective skills.
Melo: Don't trade me, I'm awesome.
Nuggets: OK we won't trade you, but you are suspended for maybe getting a DUI.
Melo: OK well tell me if you are going to trade me.
Something about that just makes me laugh. 85% chance he gets traded.
Meiz, enjoy the Joe Alexander era in Milwaukee, they are drafting him, write it in pen (but keep the white out handy just in case). I know the kid looks just a little retarded. OK, very retarded, but apparently he is not and apparently he has a good motor and a high IQ. Whatever, kid can shoot the ball if he wants to. Of course after you pay him lots of money he might not want to try anymore. $$$ changes folks. Also, don't expect much defense out of him. He used up his defense playing for Huggins.
Why is this Imus fucker in the news again? Let's let him die and let George Carlin come back to life. Or you know, someone else. Pretty much anyone. Bring back Teddy Roosevelt, I hear he was hilarious.
So, I'm running late. Movie Review time:
Get Smart
This is a movie that has just come out, so I know a lot of you, like me, haven't seen it yet. So that will make my review all the more useful to you.
Get Smart stars that guy from either The Office or the Colbert Report. They are really the same dude, but most people don't believe that. Whatever. Anyway, it's also got Anne Hathaway in it, who showed the goods in Havoc. She doesn't show the goods here. It ain't that type of movie.
Basically the plot (SPOILER ALERT) of this movie is that you got a dude who is pretty dumb (aforementioned Office/Colbert guy) and wants to "get smart." That's where Hathaway comes in. She decides to home school his ass and hilarity ensues (think scenes from Billy Madison where the hot chick is trying to teach Billy).
Quick side note: That chick from Billy Madison is hot as hell. 100 helmet stickers to anyone who produces some nude pics of her. 10 helmet stickers for nip slips. Nip slips don't get 100 stickers, don't even try to argue.
Anyway, so Hathaway is trying to get this guy smart. But he's dumb. Finally they just figure out a way for someone else to take his tests and that dude aces all the tests. Then the government steps in and says "wait how the hell did you 'get smart'?" So they study him. But the problem is that he is still dumb. He never 'got smart.' So the government puts him up against monkeys (everyone loves monkeys) in a series of IQ tests. Hilarity ensues. (Think Hooch outsmarting Turner.)
So the government throws Colbert/Office man out on the streets. He meets up with a retarded homeless person (played by Jim Carey, type casting for sure) and they hang out for awhile, hilarity ensues. (Think Dumb and Dumber). Finally Colbert/Office man and the retard win the lottery and become millionaires.
The moral of the story is two fold. 1, if you ain't smarter than a monkey, then find a retard or Jim Carey, you'll "get smart" then. Smart by comparison counts. 2, if you have enough money nobody cares if you "got smart" or not. You are assumed to be smart (see Donald Trump). Note that this does not apply to people who had their parents give them a lot of money (see Paris Hilton).
4 out of 5 helmet stickers (lots of ensuing hilarity).
The End.
Shaq rap about Kobe is hilarious. Of course Shaq stopped being relevant about 16 weeks ago so I don't give a rats ass what he says. The Shaq era in the NBA is clearly over. I'm not sure what era it is now but I am sure it ain't the Shaq era. And Shaq covering it up by saying he was just freestyling is beyond dumb. Clearly Shaq hates Kobe. That's fine. I hate lots of people. I hate this chick from downstairs because she is a bitch. She's gotten a little fat lately, added a pouch to her stomach, so now I call her Kangaroo. I think its fucking hilarious, others don't. Whatever. I don't apologize for it. It is what it is. Everyone agrees that she is a bitch, but somehow "kangaroo" is crossing the line. Fuck the line and whoever made it.
In random dream news all of my dreams last night were based on the TV show Simon and Simon. I'm not sure what to make of that. I'm not sure I want to even try. It was nice to see each dream end up in a tidy manner though. Usually my dreams just end with no real resolution in place. All of these dreams (and there were like 5 of them) ended with Simon and Simon catching the bad guy and neither of the Simon brothers scoring with the victimized woman. Oh, and in case you were wondering I was not in the dreams myself, I was pretty much just watching Simon and Simon display mad detective skills.
Melo: Don't trade me, I'm awesome.
Nuggets: OK we won't trade you, but you are suspended for maybe getting a DUI.
Melo: OK well tell me if you are going to trade me.
Something about that just makes me laugh. 85% chance he gets traded.
Meiz, enjoy the Joe Alexander era in Milwaukee, they are drafting him, write it in pen (but keep the white out handy just in case). I know the kid looks just a little retarded. OK, very retarded, but apparently he is not and apparently he has a good motor and a high IQ. Whatever, kid can shoot the ball if he wants to. Of course after you pay him lots of money he might not want to try anymore. $$$ changes folks. Also, don't expect much defense out of him. He used up his defense playing for Huggins.
Why is this Imus fucker in the news again? Let's let him die and let George Carlin come back to life. Or you know, someone else. Pretty much anyone. Bring back Teddy Roosevelt, I hear he was hilarious.
So, I'm running late. Movie Review time:
Get Smart
This is a movie that has just come out, so I know a lot of you, like me, haven't seen it yet. So that will make my review all the more useful to you.
Get Smart stars that guy from either The Office or the Colbert Report. They are really the same dude, but most people don't believe that. Whatever. Anyway, it's also got Anne Hathaway in it, who showed the goods in Havoc. She doesn't show the goods here. It ain't that type of movie.
Basically the plot (SPOILER ALERT) of this movie is that you got a dude who is pretty dumb (aforementioned Office/Colbert guy) and wants to "get smart." That's where Hathaway comes in. She decides to home school his ass and hilarity ensues (think scenes from Billy Madison where the hot chick is trying to teach Billy).
Quick side note: That chick from Billy Madison is hot as hell. 100 helmet stickers to anyone who produces some nude pics of her. 10 helmet stickers for nip slips. Nip slips don't get 100 stickers, don't even try to argue.
Anyway, so Hathaway is trying to get this guy smart. But he's dumb. Finally they just figure out a way for someone else to take his tests and that dude aces all the tests. Then the government steps in and says "wait how the hell did you 'get smart'?" So they study him. But the problem is that he is still dumb. He never 'got smart.' So the government puts him up against monkeys (everyone loves monkeys) in a series of IQ tests. Hilarity ensues. (Think Hooch outsmarting Turner.)
So the government throws Colbert/Office man out on the streets. He meets up with a retarded homeless person (played by Jim Carey, type casting for sure) and they hang out for awhile, hilarity ensues. (Think Dumb and Dumber). Finally Colbert/Office man and the retard win the lottery and become millionaires.
The moral of the story is two fold. 1, if you ain't smarter than a monkey, then find a retard or Jim Carey, you'll "get smart" then. Smart by comparison counts. 2, if you have enough money nobody cares if you "got smart" or not. You are assumed to be smart (see Donald Trump). Note that this does not apply to people who had their parents give them a lot of money (see Paris Hilton).
4 out of 5 helmet stickers (lots of ensuing hilarity).
The End.
Monday, June 23, 2008
The Catch Of The Day
This is the fish my dirty hippie sister caught 3 weekends ago.I'm not sure what to write yet. Maybe more booze will help.
Maybe EP can help me catch fish, since I'm sure NY has the best anglers.
I love going in to the cupboard or fridge and finding the item I'm after in a ziploc bag, and completely unsealed. Mmmmmm. Stale crackers. Oooooooh. Green, moldy cheese. Deeelish.
Fuck the fucking Cubs. They ain't that good.
What are the Mets looking like? Lemme check. Okay. I'd say the Mets are in pretty good shape to win the division.
It would be nice if the Cubs would lose once in a while, though.
Fucking shit. I'm in some serious pain right now. I gotta go lay down.
Ah fuck it. My back hurts really bad. I'm going to bed.
To round it out, here's one of the pics I may or may not submit the the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel's snapshot contest.
Friday, June 20, 2008
♦ on my neck
I saw the best jazz ensemble band in the world in the subway on the way home yesterday. This is what makes NYC so great. That and instead of one or two good pizza joints we have 6 or 7. Hundred. We also have the biggest rats you ever seen. I saw one the other day on the subway tracks and I could have sworn is was a armadillo. Even though there are no armadillos in NYC, it was that big. TWSS.
Your my ♦ girl. YES.YES.
I want to swim in a pool of Peroni.
If I had period blood on my pants I'd freeaaaaakk out. Like for real yo.
Dave Matthews Band is awful deke. Stop it.
I would like a house in Ocean City, MD. A Condo on South Beach. A lake house on Lake Michigan. A cabin somewhere in the Pacific Northwest and, and a timeshare in Cabo San Lucas., Mexico. That is living phat.
One of my uncles is a big shot at Credit Suisse. He makes 1.2MM a year not including whatever sick bonus he gets. How sick is that. Could happen to me. EVERYDAY I"M HUSTLIN', EVERYDAY I'M HUSTLIN'.
Betting baseball is somewhat easy. My wife wont let me have a gun. I saw that coming.
Remember how awesome the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were? Fucking loved those dudes.
Anyway there were no sports yesterday. Tiger had a small procedure done today. He had to get one nut removed. Apparentely he had three nuts. Which explains why he's been so good and why he bagged such a scorching hot woman. Doctors say the third nut symdrome or "Tres Testes" occurs when black men have sex with Asian woman. Totally didn't know that.
Your my ♦ girl. YES.YES.
I want to swim in a pool of Peroni.
If I had period blood on my pants I'd freeaaaaakk out. Like for real yo.
Dave Matthews Band is awful deke. Stop it.
I would like a house in Ocean City, MD. A Condo on South Beach. A lake house on Lake Michigan. A cabin somewhere in the Pacific Northwest and, and a timeshare in Cabo San Lucas., Mexico. That is living phat.
One of my uncles is a big shot at Credit Suisse. He makes 1.2MM a year not including whatever sick bonus he gets. How sick is that. Could happen to me. EVERYDAY I"M HUSTLIN', EVERYDAY I'M HUSTLIN'.
Betting baseball is somewhat easy. My wife wont let me have a gun. I saw that coming.
Remember how awesome the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were? Fucking loved those dudes.
Anyway there were no sports yesterday. Tiger had a small procedure done today. He had to get one nut removed. Apparentely he had three nuts. Which explains why he's been so good and why he bagged such a scorching hot woman. Doctors say the third nut symdrome or "Tres Testes" occurs when black men have sex with Asian woman. Totally didn't know that.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
ESPN Customer Care
Hello,
Thank you for contacting the League Office.
If a Fantasy Football team owner chooses not to keep the maximum number of players allowed, they will draft a new player from the available pool. The available pool will not include any players designated to be a keeper. Assuming a four team league with a maximum of three keepers, where two owners choose not to keep three players, the draft will occur as follows:
Adam - first pick - keeping 3 players
Brian - second pick - keeping 2 players
Chris - third pick - keeping 3 players
Dave - fourth pick - keeping 0 players
1st Round:
Adam obtains first of three keepers
Brian obtains first of two keepers
Chris obtains first of three keepers
Dave drafts a player from available player pool
2nd Round:
Adam obtains second of three keepers
Brian obtains second of two keepers
Chris obtains second of three keepers
Dave drafts player from available player pool
3rd Round:
Adam obtains third of three keepers
Brian drafts player from available player pool
Chris obtains third of three keepers
Dave drafts player from available player pool
4th Round (regular draft selections for all owners, snake begins):
Adam drafts player from available player pool
Brian drafts player from available player pool
Chris drafts player from available player pool
Dave drafts player from available player pool
5th Round ((regular draft selections for all owners):
Dave drafts player from available player pool
Chris drafts player from available player pool
Brian drafts player from available player pool
Adam drafts player from available player pool
Draft continues in snake order until all rosters are full.
Thank you for playing ESPN.com Fantasy Games!
For live assistance with this or any other issue, please call Customer Care at 1-888-549-3776 (ESPN) between 7:00 am and 2:00 am EST.
Regards,
Corey
ESPN.com Customer Care
Thank you for contacting the League Office.
If a Fantasy Football team owner chooses not to keep the maximum number of players allowed, they will draft a new player from the available pool. The available pool will not include any players designated to be a keeper. Assuming a four team league with a maximum of three keepers, where two owners choose not to keep three players, the draft will occur as follows:
Adam - first pick - keeping 3 players
Brian - second pick - keeping 2 players
Chris - third pick - keeping 3 players
Dave - fourth pick - keeping 0 players
1st Round:
Adam obtains first of three keepers
Brian obtains first of two keepers
Chris obtains first of three keepers
Dave drafts a player from available player pool
2nd Round:
Adam obtains second of three keepers
Brian obtains second of two keepers
Chris obtains second of three keepers
Dave drafts player from available player pool
3rd Round:
Adam obtains third of three keepers
Brian drafts player from available player pool
Chris obtains third of three keepers
Dave drafts player from available player pool
4th Round (regular draft selections for all owners, snake begins):
Adam drafts player from available player pool
Brian drafts player from available player pool
Chris drafts player from available player pool
Dave drafts player from available player pool
5th Round ((regular draft selections for all owners):
Dave drafts player from available player pool
Chris drafts player from available player pool
Brian drafts player from available player pool
Adam drafts player from available player pool
Draft continues in snake order until all rosters are full.
Thank you for playing ESPN.com Fantasy Games!
For live assistance with this or any other issue, please call Customer Care at 1-888-549-3776 (ESPN) between 7:00 am and 2:00 am EST.
Regards,
Corey
ESPN.com Customer Care
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Tomorrow's News Today!
-It's NFL preview time!!
We're gonna do a broad, sweeping preview though. I'll leave the in-depth stuff to those that understand the forward pass better than myself.
NFC - Division Winners: Philly, Minnesota, Carolina, Arizona. Wild Cards: Dallas, Seattle.
AFC - Division Winners: New England, Cleveland, Indy, Denver. Wild Cards: Pittsburgh, San Diego.
It's gonna come down to Whale's Sleeve/Cleveland, and Seattle/Carolina. No one will care. Take your pick on who wins.. cause at this point, I'm doin the preview and I dont even care. Those matchups blow. Glad that I won't have my Sunday Ticket this year. I didn't watch it for shit last year anyway. The result? Like any other year.. big, hairy, over-HGH'd men grind themselves against one another into sweaty lather while wearing colorful combinations of spandex. It continues to hold its spot as America's number one (and most masculine) sport.
-Chad Johnson had surgery in the offseason right before training camp and never recovered. By week 8, he is still rehabbing and talking lots of shit. He appears in one game late in the season (wek 14), looks sluggish, and reinjures the (foot/knee/whateverhehadsurgeryon). He is cut after the season. He quits football to become a professional "gold teeth guy" in rapper's videos and starts his own clothing company. We later find out the original cause of his injury: He was victim of a drive-by rickshawing while vacationing in Sri Lanka.
-Bulls draft Beasley and he averages 16.6, 4.5, 2.7 and takes the ROY. Greg Oden would've been up for it, but he died in a plane crash in the Andes.
-Nascar drove in circles and nobody cared. This news is the same yesterday, today and forever.
-In news that previously happened... I woke up the other night at about 3am to a noise that sounded like fluttering above my head. My windows were open, so I figured it might just be a bird perched outside being a bastard. I looked out the windows and found nothing. I forgot about it and tried to go back to sleep. 20 minutes later, I heard the noise again and when I opened my eyes I swore I saw a small black figure dart from my ceiling to the corner of my room. I waited another few minutes, hearing nothing, and thinking I might've still been juiced from the heroin. A moment later, I heard and saw something in the hallway. I got up and looked down the hall, with help from the bathroom light. I saw a little critter buzzing around the living room. A fucking bat.
Long story short, cause it's meeting time and people are having a potluck in my honor (awh thanks). An hour and a half later (1.5, not .5 hrs) I was back in bed. It took forever, it finally flew out into the porch area, then I opened a door from the outside and poof.
But damn if that didn't suck for a while there.
-This post is brought to you by Anything But Basketball, because I'd rather choose to ignore the obvious.
Bye.
We're gonna do a broad, sweeping preview though. I'll leave the in-depth stuff to those that understand the forward pass better than myself.
NFC - Division Winners: Philly, Minnesota, Carolina, Arizona. Wild Cards: Dallas, Seattle.
AFC - Division Winners: New England, Cleveland, Indy, Denver. Wild Cards: Pittsburgh, San Diego.
It's gonna come down to Whale's Sleeve/Cleveland, and Seattle/Carolina. No one will care. Take your pick on who wins.. cause at this point, I'm doin the preview and I dont even care. Those matchups blow. Glad that I won't have my Sunday Ticket this year. I didn't watch it for shit last year anyway. The result? Like any other year.. big, hairy, over-HGH'd men grind themselves against one another into sweaty lather while wearing colorful combinations of spandex. It continues to hold its spot as America's number one (and most masculine) sport.
-Chad Johnson had surgery in the offseason right before training camp and never recovered. By week 8, he is still rehabbing and talking lots of shit. He appears in one game late in the season (wek 14), looks sluggish, and reinjures the (foot/knee/whateverhehadsurgeryon). He is cut after the season. He quits football to become a professional "gold teeth guy" in rapper's videos and starts his own clothing company. We later find out the original cause of his injury: He was victim of a drive-by rickshawing while vacationing in Sri Lanka.
-Bulls draft Beasley and he averages 16.6, 4.5, 2.7 and takes the ROY. Greg Oden would've been up for it, but he died in a plane crash in the Andes.
-Nascar drove in circles and nobody cared. This news is the same yesterday, today and forever.
-In news that previously happened... I woke up the other night at about 3am to a noise that sounded like fluttering above my head. My windows were open, so I figured it might just be a bird perched outside being a bastard. I looked out the windows and found nothing. I forgot about it and tried to go back to sleep. 20 minutes later, I heard the noise again and when I opened my eyes I swore I saw a small black figure dart from my ceiling to the corner of my room. I waited another few minutes, hearing nothing, and thinking I might've still been juiced from the heroin. A moment later, I heard and saw something in the hallway. I got up and looked down the hall, with help from the bathroom light. I saw a little critter buzzing around the living room. A fucking bat.
Long story short, cause it's meeting time and people are having a potluck in my honor (awh thanks). An hour and a half later (1.5, not .5 hrs) I was back in bed. It took forever, it finally flew out into the porch area, then I opened a door from the outside and poof.
But damn if that didn't suck for a while there.
-This post is brought to you by Anything But Basketball, because I'd rather choose to ignore the obvious.
Bye.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
3:15am
The Mets fire Willie at 3:15am. The list of things that should be happening at 3:15am is a short one and I can guarantee firing someone is not on there. 3:15am is a time for a drunken rally or a drunken hookup or some "are you awake? yeah me too." sex. Getting fired shouldn't happen at 3:15am unless you are a graveyard shift worker. I don't think Willie was. So, am I shocked he got fired? No. Does the timing baffle me? Yes, because it was at 3:15am. I mean, go to sleep you bastards.
Also this 3:15am brings up another point. Why the fuck does the media need to nail down the time he got fired to the minute?? Well you know what? I am not satisfied! I demand to know how many seconds we were into that minute. Was it really closer to 3:16am?? Did everyones watch in the room say 3:15am or did someone else have a different time?? These are the hard hitting questions that our so called media should be asking. Frankly, the whole situation just grinds my gears.
Finally, Jerry Manuel takes over? Good luck with that.
Hilarity in the WWL headlines: "Yankees' Wang shelved until at least Sept." I mean come on, everyone there at the WWL is laughing at that. They've been writing Wang headlines for months waiting to bust them out at the right time.
More Shamoffing from me: Javon Walker died or something, if you care go read the article yourself.
El Tardo fired up a tennis article for the magazine??? That is a major WFT for me. Who's idea was this?? I can't wait until the Omnibus writes about how certain writers at the WWL should just stick to the sports they know and not try to branch out into even gayer arenas.
In other news there were over 800 comments on last post. I did not read them. I will do so now, I expect hilarity and nothing less.
No movie review because tits never posts enough on Tuesdays. Blame her.
OK since I am a sucker for women Beth has convinced me to add a tem movie review:
To Kill A Mockingbird.
This is another classic movie that was based on a book. Obviously the book is better because you can't really take a movie hunting with you. So if you have the book you can read the instructions on how to shoot the bird without scaring the bird. So anyway, this movie is basically a big instructional video. Of course it can't help itself and gets a little preachy (although it never really addresses the need to kill a mockingbird). Anyway, if you ever wanted to know how to track and kill a mockingbird this is the movie for you. The tracking they demonstrate is pretty high level tracking, so try not to get lost. It is very heavily influenced by the Native American style of tracking. In that style you mimic another animal so that the mocking bird is not scared. Generally speaking a turkey is easy to mimic. If you act like a turkey the mockingbird will let you get close and you can line up a much easier shot. Native Americans had to master this technique because their bows and arrows did not allow them to take down a deer from 1500 meters away. Also they did not have any four wheelers. Anyway, if the tracking in the movie is too difficult to follow the book has a lower level tracking section (in Chapter 10: Run The Damn Thing Over With Your Honda), but the movie (due to time constraints) skips that part.
I feel the need to tell everyone that there is a little known fact about this movie. It is a sequel to I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings. In that movie we learn that the Caged Bird sings because it is about to get shot. Of course if the bird knows it is going to get shot it has the advantage. To Kill a Mockingbird is designed to take that advantage away and allow you to, well, kill the mockingbird.
Anyway, I'd give this movie 2 helmet stickers out of 5. For an instructional video it is pretty entertaining. But really the instructional video has a cap of 2 helmet stickers.
Also this 3:15am brings up another point. Why the fuck does the media need to nail down the time he got fired to the minute?? Well you know what? I am not satisfied! I demand to know how many seconds we were into that minute. Was it really closer to 3:16am?? Did everyones watch in the room say 3:15am or did someone else have a different time?? These are the hard hitting questions that our so called media should be asking. Frankly, the whole situation just grinds my gears.
Finally, Jerry Manuel takes over? Good luck with that.
Hilarity in the WWL headlines: "Yankees' Wang shelved until at least Sept." I mean come on, everyone there at the WWL is laughing at that. They've been writing Wang headlines for months waiting to bust them out at the right time.
More Shamoffing from me: Javon Walker died or something, if you care go read the article yourself.
El Tardo fired up a tennis article for the magazine??? That is a major WFT for me. Who's idea was this?? I can't wait until the Omnibus writes about how certain writers at the WWL should just stick to the sports they know and not try to branch out into even gayer arenas.
In other news there were over 800 comments on last post. I did not read them. I will do so now, I expect hilarity and nothing less.
No movie review because tits never posts enough on Tuesdays. Blame her.
OK since I am a sucker for women Beth has convinced me to add a tem movie review:
To Kill A Mockingbird.
This is another classic movie that was based on a book. Obviously the book is better because you can't really take a movie hunting with you. So if you have the book you can read the instructions on how to shoot the bird without scaring the bird. So anyway, this movie is basically a big instructional video. Of course it can't help itself and gets a little preachy (although it never really addresses the need to kill a mockingbird). Anyway, if you ever wanted to know how to track and kill a mockingbird this is the movie for you. The tracking they demonstrate is pretty high level tracking, so try not to get lost. It is very heavily influenced by the Native American style of tracking. In that style you mimic another animal so that the mocking bird is not scared. Generally speaking a turkey is easy to mimic. If you act like a turkey the mockingbird will let you get close and you can line up a much easier shot. Native Americans had to master this technique because their bows and arrows did not allow them to take down a deer from 1500 meters away. Also they did not have any four wheelers. Anyway, if the tracking in the movie is too difficult to follow the book has a lower level tracking section (in Chapter 10: Run The Damn Thing Over With Your Honda), but the movie (due to time constraints) skips that part.
I feel the need to tell everyone that there is a little known fact about this movie. It is a sequel to I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings. In that movie we learn that the Caged Bird sings because it is about to get shot. Of course if the bird knows it is going to get shot it has the advantage. To Kill a Mockingbird is designed to take that advantage away and allow you to, well, kill the mockingbird.
Anyway, I'd give this movie 2 helmet stickers out of 5. For an instructional video it is pretty entertaining. But really the instructional video has a cap of 2 helmet stickers.
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