Friday, October 02, 2015



If Trump was president that Joaquin would not get passed the wall.

Damn that NL Central is tragic. 

Do you celebrate getting to a one game playoff?  Should be much more muted than a division title right?

Go away Astros.  No one likes you.


Luck is looking like the hot chick you can't believe married you and now is a complete pshycho.  Luck is Gone Girl. 

I mean you can't be more of a dumpster fire now than the Lions.  Ravens are close but the Lions win.

Fuck London.  Told you Joe Philbin was a tool.

Clearly wrong about the Bengals.  Jesus.  As a side note Dalton looks like the red Angry Bird.

Why is Manziel being cock blocked?  The real reason.  This Pettine guy really can't believe McCown is better right?

Fins +1.5 over JETS
I really want to pick the Jets here but they haven't shown any semblance of a running game and their current RB's are banged up and/or garbage.  Fitzpatrick was a disaster last week.  Revis is not 100%.  On the other side the Fins are still picking up their collective teeth off the floor after the Bills went ahead and kicked them in last week.  Usually teams respond after those beatings.  I say the Jets lose, and use the bye week to prepare Geno.

Jax +10 over INDY
Only the Patriots go anal on this team.  10 is too high.

BUFFALO -5.5 over Giants
Bills are struggling with injuries but are home and can pressure the QB.  I think Tyrod Taylor, without Watkins, shreds the Giants weak secondary.

TAMPA +3 over Carolina
Love me some home dogs.  With Evans back in the mix the Bucs have more firepower than the Panthers.  The Panthers have won 3 in a row but all of them have been ugly and all of them have been against weak offenses.  This Tampa offense is pretty good.  If Mr. Winston can avoid the mistakes they should pull ahead late for the W.

WASH +3 over Eagles
Yum another home dog to eat.  Sloppy game, the field will be a mess, Bradford is a mess and the Skins will be able to run the ball.

Oak-3 over BEARS
This home dog does not look appetizing.  The Bears are trading away assets in between weeks 3-4 for future picks.  I would think that gives off a shitty vibe to the team. 

ATL -7 over Texans
Who is covering Julio Jones?  Here is your suicide pick.

CINCY -4 over Chiefs
Andy Reid is ruining this Chiefs team.  Stop calling cute swing passes to Jamal Charles.  Run the ball downhill with Charles and Davis, throw the ball to the TE and Maclin.  That's it.  Stop it already.  the globetrotters play in Harlem.  Dalton is playin like circa 2002 Farve.

SD -7.5 over Browns
I don't know why Manziel isn't playing.  McCown is a back up.  Not a sustainable option.  Shouldn't you be kicking the tires on Manziel the rest of the year to see if you need a QB this off-season?  Chargers are going to rip like 5 in a row starting this Sunday.  Just a hunch.  They've had a complicated stretch to open up.

Green Bay -9.5 over SF
Only the Pats are playing better right now.  Packers roll.

AZ -7 over Rams
Only the Pats and Packers are playing better right now.  That offensive line is banding together like Marines in a bunker to protect Palmer.

Min +7 over DENVER
First real road test for the Vikings.  I'm thinking Denver pulls one out but I think it will be a dog fight.  A running game on the road is so valuable.  Especially vs. the talent the Broncos have on the ends.  Zimmer will have some coverages and blitzes Peyton will struggle with.  The horses in a tight one.

Cowboys @ Saints
No line currently due to the fact that Brees is a game time decision.  I think the Cowboys win by a TD regardless.  The Saints suck.

Detroit +10.5 over SEA
Yes the Lions are a dumpster fire right now.  But 10.5?  The Seahawks have been sluggish thus far.  Lynch is nursing a hammy.  I don't like the line is all.  Extra days rest for Stafford.  Tate playing with all kinds of chips on his shoulders.  Again they have to run the ball.  Nobody runs the ball anymore.

Thursday, October 01, 2015

Week 4 Picks

Well week 3 was fun.  I went 9-7 again, bringing my total for the year to 18-14.  EP had a stronger outing going 10-5, so now he's 17-13.  We'll make you money

only a couple unbelievables this week.

unbelievable that the raiders are 2-1, maybe they are for real?  maybe we don't get too excited by beating a shitty browns team

cardinals are just plain unbelievable

unbelievable that both teams who had huge lines (over 2tds) this last week both covered...doesn't happen often, but around here we call it the blood moon.

Jersey Mike's makes the best subs

On to the picks

Steelers +3.5 over Ravens
Home game on a short week.  Ravens got beat up by Cincy, now have to travel.  I get that the steelers won't have rapelisberger, but last time I checked they still have antonio brown, and leveon bell.  So give them the advantage here, plus they're home on a short week.  Ravens looked like a dumpster fire, but not the cool kind of dumpster fire, the crappy ones.  If they couldn't cover AJ Green, imagine what Antonio is going to do to them.  Steelers 21-17.

Dolphins +1 over JETS
IN LONDON??!!! (joey tribiani voice).  This london shit is for the birds.  If I was a phins season ticket holder i'd be pissed, what do you mean they only get to have 7 home games.. fuck you NFL.  That being said, the game will be over before I wake up.  Dolphins got beat down, and typically I think decent teams respond the next week after a beat down.  Jets got beat down too, but they suck, so i'm taking the dolphins here 21-17

 Jags +10 over Colts
Jaguars got annihilated last week, should play better this week.  Colts still look like garbage, and now Andrew Luck's arm might be hurt, or some crap.  10 points is too much to be giving up when your team smells of foul goat's testicles. Somebody picked up Blake Bortles off the waiver wire in my FNFL league...serious. Jaguars keep it close, probably still lose though, but they'll cover.  Colts 21-17

Bills -5.5 over Giants
Bills are the best team in New York, no doubt about it.  But then again, they've been the best team in NY for the last 20 years or so, since the Giants and Jets are really in Jersey.  Tyrod Taylor has shown up.  Making Rex look like a genius again.  Shady McCoy is probably out this week, but not a big deal, they have Karlos.  I think Sammy Watkins is hurt too though..I don't know, research is for interns.  Giants should be well rested, and the NFC east is a toss-up right now with Romo out.  Maybe this is the division that a 7-9 team wins it.  Still i'm taking the Rex's at home in a rocking stadium for the battle of New York.  Bills win this one 21-14

Panthers -3 over Bucs
Can't believe that the Panthers are going to be 4-0.  Very unlikely 4-0 team.  Road game, schmoad game, i'll take Cam over Jameis right now.  The Texans ran all over the bucs last week, and the Panthers are much better running team.  It's that simple.  Panthers 21-17

Skins +3 over Eagles
Eagles should not be road favorites against anyone.  except maybe the bears, but that's not who they are playing.  Skins ground and pound.  They've had extra time to prepare.  They won't be tired.  They have the better defense.  Sam Bradford has a vagina....etc.  Skins in a rout  21-17

Raiders -3 over Bears
That just happened.  Not only are the raiders a road favorite, but I actually think they'll win.  Don't think the Bears get shutout this week though.  I wonder if Jay Cutler sat at home smoking his cigarettes and fucking his model wife, smirking, the entire game.  Who am I kidding, he didn't even watch the game last week, and neither did I.  I did watch the raiders some, and their offense is starting to be a little bit more explosive.  I got them in this one, Raiders 21-17 (by the way, raise your hand if you thought the raiders would be 3-1 through the first 4 games of the season.  Put your hand down Tyler, you liar)

Falcons -7 over Texans
I like the moxy that the falcons are playing with.  Came back strong on the road in the 2nd half against the Cowboys.  I bet that Dan Quinn went in at half time and realized they were playing against Brandon Weeden.  Guess what, this week its Ryan Mallett...ahahahahaha.  4-0 never felt so easy.  If this game was in Houston, i'd give the texans a shot, but it's not, and I liked hard knocks.  Maybe they shouldn't have cut the guy with the cool socks.  Falcons win 21-13

Bungles -4 over Chefs
This is a game where I don't like either team.  Cincy has looked damn good so far though.  They were champions of September this year.  Crown their asses.  Chefs haven't figured out that they can throw the ball further than 5 yards downfield.  Yes, the rules allow it.  I almost went with the Chefs here because of the decent team responding after a bad week (or 2), but decided I'd rather be right, that stick to that rule.  Bungles 21-16

Browns +9 over Chargers
9 points is just too much for a team that gone blown out in Minnesota.  Chargers can't stop the run.  Browns can't run the ball...something's gotta give this week!!!  In what will be the least watched game of the weekend (except that London crap), the Chargers roll to the win, but they can't cover 9 points.  Chargers 21-17.

Packers -9.5 over 49ers
Maybe the 49ers are just better at home,  but i'm completely off the bandwagon that I was never really on.  Do you think that Aaron Rodgers remembers that the '9ers took Alex Smith instead of him.  Aaron could have stayed home in the city by the bay, and been a cult hero.  Instead he's gotta go bang hot chicks in Wisconsin.  Nobody likes cheese that much.  He's going to destroy this team, big vendetta against them.  Packers roll in this one 21-10.

Cardinals -7.5 over Rams
Carson Palmer is on fire and Stan Kroenke wants out of St. Louis so bad he set the turf on fire last week.  Todd Gurley maybe had the worst game of his life.  Rams looked so good in week 1, what the hell happened.  They still have a stout defensive line, but apparently the only teams they can beat are the seahawks.  In case you missed it, Carson Palmer is on fire, might be a Rodgers/Palmer duel in the NFC championship this year.  How is that for making overly grand hyperbolic statements after 3 weeks.  Cards roll 21-13

Vikings +7 over Broncos
not a reverse jinx here.  I still think the broncos win this game, but nothing other than the defense, makes me anywhere remotely comfortable with giving up 7 points. That being said, Bridgewater has looked like crapola.  AP leads the league in rushing again, but Denver's D is ranked #1 in the league and only giving up like 80 yards rushing per game, and no points.  Broncos have given up 49 points so far this year, and 14 of those are off of pick 6's from manning, so in total the defense has actually only given up 35 points in 3 games.  I think that's ok.  All that crap being said, the offense is horrible (ranked 30th in the league, right behind Minnesota).  It's good enough to win at Mile High, but won't cover.  Broncos 21-17

Saints (off) over Cowboys
I'm assuming that Drew Brees plays.  I'm assuming that Tony Romo does not.  Even so, I like the Verizon commercial guy better than weeden.  Saints are too good to go 0-4, so i'll take them here in the upset.  21-17

Lions +10 over Seahawks
Nothing about the Seahawks offense makes me think they'll beat anyone by double digits.  Lions aren't as bad as they've shown.  This will be another tough game for the Lions, brutal schedule to start the season.  Lions probably need to call plays the defense doesn't know...because knowing is half the battle.   I see a lot of fieldgoals in this game, and Golden Tate hates the seahawks now, and russel wilson who was always sleeping with Tate's wife.  Fucking Dangerusswilson.  What kind of a douche has that as his twitter name anyway.  why not just Russell_Wilson_NFL.  or seabiscuit or something.  Anyway, hawks win but don't cover 21-17

Friday, September 25, 2015


Does Bruce still have to shave?  Or is their medicine for that.  I saw a transy on the train this morning.  The whole thing confuses the shit out of me.  Dude was dress like a girl and had tits? but facial hair. 

Unto the picks.

Falcons -1.5 over COWBOYS
I really am not sure about the Cowboys.  They beat the Giants and they beat the Eagles.  Two teams that beat themselves pretty much.  Jerry Jones called Weeden the most gifted passer in the league.  I mean Jesus.  He's definitely pro Trump right?  Cowboys really need to find that running game to sustain drives without Romo.  Falcons on the other hand are sporting a mean defense and a robot in Julio Jones.    Your 3-0 Falcons everyone. 

Colts -3 over TITANS
Was getting older the right call during the off-season?  Gore and Andre Johnson have so far been mistakes.  Pagano has to defend his comments every week and apparently the owner hates his guts.  Troubling.  I think they get off the schneid here though.  They are better than Tenneessee.  Plain and period.  Also were 0-2 last year for what it's worth.  Mariotta has been impressive even after getting molested last year by Pettine and his Browns.  He will be around awhile.

Raiders +3.5 over BROWNS
Either the Raiders played possum in Game one or they will be that hot/cold team.  So why pick them to win if this should be their cold week?  Because Josh McNown sucks donkey meat that's why.  Stop denying Cleveland the Johnny Football era Pettine.  Stick to defense loser.

Cincy +2.5 over RAVENS
Home cooking for Baltimore but home cooking doesn't suit up and play defense.  This Ravens team is flawed.  Before Suggs went down.  No weapons on offense.  No corners.  Undisciplined safeties.  This might be the first deep scar on John Harbaugh's record.  Might be a long season for Baltimore and their fans.  Is there a week that goes by which doesn't include A.J. Green on the injury report?  Fucking guy pays rent on that injury report.

Jags +14.5 over PATS
Pats win calm down H.  Just think the Jags are ok enough to cover.  They have played good football thus far.  This would be one of the easy suicide picks if you wish.

CAROLINA -3 over Saints
The Saints are a mess.  Blow it up.  Too bad the Benson's are too busy fighting over money and not paying attention to the job Mickey Loomis is doing.  He's had a rough three years.  I'm still scratching my head over the Graham trade.  Newton is playing on another level right now.  He is basically a one man band. 

JETS -2.5 over Philly
Can't pick Philly until I see Bradtard throw an accurate pass and a Philly RB make a positive gain.  I mean it's just been non-competitive.  Either it's taking a little longer to work or players are just executing poorly.  Not sure but the Jets are certainly not the defense I would want to figure it out against.

Tampa +6.5 over TEXANS
The Bucs will hang around here.  Too big of a spread for a team with a wet noodle at QB.  Watt is going to have to play QB pretty soon.  They need Arian Foster.

MINNY -1 over San Diego
1pm "East Coast" start rule.  Not sure why teams don't stick around instead of flying back and then back again.  East coast teams do that sometimes.  Never hear of west coast teams doing it.  Release Teddy Bridgewater from that straight jacket Norv, jesus.  Kid gloves huh?

Pit -1 over ST. LOUIS
I just love the Steelers this year.  Like I said in the preview.  Riding them all year.  Bell is back too.  I love that they figured out the two point system already.  Always go for two.  Especially if you can practice it.  Not only for times when you have to convert the extra two but when you are 3rd and 2 and need to convert a big third down those plays will just expand and make you a better football team.  Fuck kickers.  They are pussies.

ARIZONA -6 over San Fran
Can someone get Jim Tomsula some anti-perspiant and fucking gym towel?  Jesus he needs to rock the John Thompson towel over the shoulder.  He sort of looks like Ron Jeremey.  Meanwhile if Arians rocked the kangol on the sidelines I would love him forever.  That guy is nuts. 

Buffalo +2.5 over MIAMI
Not sure if Lamar Miller is playing.  Even if he does the Bills run D is stout.  Rex once again had to eat a bowl of his own crow this past week.  I guess he will never learn.  Let's see how Tyrod Taylor plays on the road.  You can bet Jarvis Landry will on the receiving end of some funny business by Buffalo's secondary.

SEATTLE -14.5 over Bears
This line seriously cannot be high enough.  I would consider laying three TD's including two pointers.  Especially with Kam back in the mix.  Here is the suicide lock of the week.  If I'm the Bears I give the ball to Forte 50 times at least.  And for fucks sake does Bevell know they traded for Jimmy Graham in the off-season?  Maybe the GM should let him know.

DETROIT +3 over Denver
The Lions schedule is brutal.  This is a must win game for them and I think they respond at home.  They have to run the ball to keep those pass rushers honest.  Stafford has been getting bludgeoned.  Ware and Miller will have a feast if they can guess passing downs.

GREEN BAY -7 over Chiefs
Night games at Lambeau.  Hard to pick against the Packers even when they stink.  They don't stink.  I expect Randall Cobb to be very busy.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Week 3 Picks

Not to toot my own horn but somebody last week said "the only way the Broncos win is if they get a defensive TD and a few key turnovers." Well Toot-toot, 5 turnovers including 2 in the redzone, and the back breaker that was the fumble returned for a TD. That's about all that went right last week, and I still missed on that pick.  9 Wins last week, so i'm roughly .500, i'll take it, especially since EP was 7-8 on only picking 15 games.  So i'm 1.5 games up.  Also, i realized I made you read the paragraphs to see who I picked, so i'll fix that this week.  I'm about efficiency.

before I get started: a couple of "unbelievables" from the first 2 weeks.  

unbelievable that the raiders not only covered against the ravens, but flat out beat them.  maybe it's because the ravens spent the week hanging out with all the chins in the bay area instead of going home.

unbelievable that the rams looked so awful. i mean awful awful.  Maybe the skins are that much better but I doubt it.  when you build your team around your defensive line (Rams), getting run on for 182 yards

unbelievable that the bucs beat the saints.  I think this might be sean payton's last year. I thought the bucs would hang in there because of pride, you know, but didn't expect them to go into the dome and actually win.  It also makes me laugh because all of the ESPN fantasy geeks were loading up their teams with Saints players, so that happened.

unbelievable that Andrew Luck is 0-2, and they look awful (two sexy analyst superbowl picks, ravens and colts, are a combined 0-4)

On to the picks:

Skins +4 vs G-MEN
So i was completely wrong about the redskins, or maybe the rams, but not at all wrong about the shitty giants.  Outside of OBJ, they have nothing...NOTHING.  Skins can run the ball, and will run it all the way down wall street (or whatever roads they have in New Jersey).  Thursday night road games suck though, and I like the home teams to win ugly games on Thursdays.  Giants probably win, but only by 1 point, 16-15

Falcons (off) vs Cowboys
No Romo, no dez, no witten, no fucking chance.  Matty Ice lucks out here.  The falcons defense has looked pretty decent in the first 2 weeks.  Playing again on turf, and mostly inside, they should have another good showing.  Without even looking at the line or anything, how much would you ever bet on Brandon Weeden?  If you were looking for your suicide pick this week, it's the falcons. Falcons win 22-11

Colts -3 vs Titans
At some point Andrew Luck has to win a game right?  He played against two of the better defenses in the first couple of weeks.  No need to hit the panic button for them, they play in a shitty division, they're only a game back, and thus can still win the division going 7-9.  Titans showed they can't cover the deep ballz, and TY and Luck like to go ballz deep. I also realize that i'm taking the road team so far in each of the first three games.  Colts win 29-18

Raiders +3.5 vs Browns
Shit I don't know, Raiders suck, Browns suck.  I'm going with the don't trust a west coast team playing the early game on the east coast rule (fuck ohio). Browns win a close one but don't cover, 19-17.

Ravens -2.5 vs Bengals
Flacco can't start 0-3, right?  Home opener for the ravens.  Bengals have had two easy games in the first two weeks, well maybe the Chargers weren't that easy.  I'm adding, never bet against a decent team that was embarrassed the week before, and is now having their home opener.  And I never want to bet ON andy dalton.  Ravens roll 26-19

Patriots -14.5 vs Jaguars
Jeez, that's a lot of points.  The jags are coming off a big win and are now the champions of Florida.  Still seems like a lot of points.  Tom Brady is playing ok, and the offense is doing well for the pats, but that's a lot of points to give.  Still not sold on their defense, but belichick has figured it out before, but 2tds is a lot to give up.  That's a lot of points though, and most NFL games are not double digit games.  This one i'm iffy on, no doubt the pats win the game, but do they have the venom in them to destroy the champions of Florida?  Pats win 30-11.

Panthers -3  vs Saints
Panthers D is playing well, but no Luke Keuchly again.  It will be the last season for the Sean Payton crew, if this game was in New Orleans, with a healthy Brees, i'd probably pick the saints, but it 'aint.  Panthers don't have much offense, or any really, it's a field position game for them, and get a couple of big plays and see what happens.  3 points is a lot for the panthers to cover, but i think they will.  22-17

Eagles +1 vs JETS
Why are the JETS only giving up one point here?  Short week I guess, maybe they'll be tired.  Ok you convinced me.  I don't think the Jets can count on forcing 5 turnovers every week, Decker might be hurt, i don't know.  Chip maybe figures it out, but I like the idea that the Jets on a short week against a fast break offense will be tired, so eagles 34-23

Holy jeez, are there always this many morning games?

Bucs +7 vs Texans
Texans aren't as bad as they've looked.  Bucs aren't as good as they looked last week.  JJ Watt and Brian Cushing against Jameis Winston?  But Ryan Mallett?  ok, so this game sucks.  Texans probably win, but don't deserve to be 7 point favorites against anyone.  Final score Texans win 18-17

Chargers +1 vs Vikings
Again, not a fan of a team heading east and playing the early game, but I don't think the vikings defense is very good.  Phyllis has played really well the first two weeks, Teddy Bridgewater, not so much.  The vikings went back to just give the ball to AD, and lets see what happens.  Good plan.  Chargers are just too much, win 18-16

Steelers (even) vs Rams
Rams are good-ish at home, but fuck them.  If you can't stop the running game of the skins, how are you going to stop Leveon Bell.  Who is now back and fresh.  I'll miss deangelo williams because i picked him up and stole some good points in the first two weeks.  Steelers offense has looked good in each of the first two weeks, and the rams defense is too inconsistent at this point.  Gotta take the Steelers 24-9

49ers +7 vs Cards
Overreaction line of the week.  The 9ers played on a really short week across country.  They'll be better rested this week, and a divisional opponent.  I like the cards to win the game, but giving 7 is just too much.  Nothing has made me think that the cards who seem to get weird touchdowns every week, are for real.  No running game..etc.  I like Carson Palmer, I like the cards in the game, but no way they can cover this number.  Cards win 23-20.

Bills +2.5 vs Dolphins
What about the first two weeks has made you think the *fish, should be favored here?  While the Bills got bombarded by the pats, there were parts of the game where they were competitive, and it just got away from them.  Bills are the better team, they win this one 26-20

Seahawks -15.5 vs Bears
Line is too big here.  I know that Jimmy Claussen will be starting here. Hawks first home game, Kam bam is back.  That's a huge line, and if the Seahawks backs weren't against the wall, i'd take the points, but just too many colliding forces.  Bears will try and run the ball with Forte and control the clock, making this a low scoring game, but I don't see how they score any points.  Seahawks 19-0

Lions +3 vs Broncos
Broncos defense is tough.  Their offense sucks right now, and I think it may continue to suck.  This all depends on if Stafford is going to play, which i'm assuming he is.  If Dan Orlovsky or whoever their backup is plays, then I get the right to change this pick and i'm taking the Broncos.  I'm picking it both wayz, how you like them apples.  Stafford plays, Lions win 22-19, home opener, Broncos can't keep getting lucky with turnovers at opportune times.  Megatron gets behind the defense a couple of times.  If Orlovsky plays, Broncos win 19-13, just not enough firepower for the lions.

Packers -7.5 vs Chiefs
Chiefs have a pretty good defense, extra rest time. But they still have Alex Smith and Andy Reid.  Tough matchup here for the chiefs, and Aaron Rodgers doesn't lose at home.  Packers here in a rout...34-12.

I took too many road teams this week, but whatever.

Friday, September 18, 2015


I need some intro music.  Wouldn't that be cool, like you refresh the page and some jingle starts playing?  Like the Sunday night song or the Inside the NFL jingle.  Sort of like a singing greeting card.

As usual do with these picks as you see fit.  I'm using the betting line.

CAROLINA -3 over Texans
I fear Bill O'Brien does not know what short leash means.  I love this matchup because I want to see JJ Watt vs. Cam Newton.  Did anyone read that article on Watt from MMQB site?  Pretty good stuff as far as how they game plan, how they use Watt.  Basically he lines up wherever the fuck he wants.  Wherever he thinks a play can be made.  Whether that's attacking a weak o lineman, rushing the edge on a passing down, lining up over the nose on a obvious run down, etc.  Or standing up.  No Luke in this one but won't matter, Ryan Mallet's middle name is mistakes.

STEELERS -6 over Niners
I love the home teams home openers in the early weeks especially after a loss and especially after a few extra days of coach work.  I think the Vikes poor showing had more to do than the Niners Monday night win that no one in the country watched.

Tampa Bay +11 over SAINTS
Well I'm a hypocrite.  Let me rephrase, I love the home teams home openers when the spread isn't retarded.  I'm not completely ready, just yet, to shit on the Bucs.  Even though the one Bucs fan I know is (TEMWR87).

VIKES -2.5 over Detroit
Have to think the Vikings play better this week.  Especially Peterson.  He knocked the rust off.  The over on this game (43) is a lock.  That's the better play.

BEARS +2 over Arizona
I saw some good things from the Bears loss last week.  Forte is the focal point which is good because he is their best player.  Cutler was into it.  The defense was not THAT bad.  Or as bad as some people thought.  The whole "I thought the Bears should have hired me story" Arinas came out with this week was strange.  Could be a motivator in that locker room for the owner.

BUFFALO over New England
Even spread.  So Vegas is even giving the Bills a shot.  Rex had some early success vs. the Pats and Brady when he was with the Jets.  First two seasons they had the edge and knocked them out of the playoffs.  Maybe there is some of that magic with here early too.  That crowd is pretty good too.  And sure Belichick probably has a master plan to destroy Tyrod Taylor but he can't plan for when the play breaks down and T Mobile scampers for 30.  Plus Taylor has studied with or was part of game planning for Pats often while with Baltimore.  That knowledge is key.

BENGALS -3 over Chargers
I'll give the edge to the home team.  In years past the Chargers haven't been very good on the road especially for the early matches.

Titans -1 over BROWNS
I love the home teams home openers when the spread isn't retarded and when the home team is not the Browns.  Gonna need a manifesto soon.

GIANTS -2.5 over Falcons
Somehow they put that debacle behind them and play well in front of the fans.  But I am leery of a bad Eli pick early unsettling everyone and boos rain down.  That's a Jet move but certainly in play here because of last week.  Philly seemed off last week and got emotionally ran out of that game early.   Different feel this week.  Road game, short week, Julio is a stud but already banged up a bit.

St. Louis -3 over SKINS
That d-line going to be in the backfield all day.  It's a nasty defense with Dr. Bounty calling the shots this might get ugly in DC quick.

JAX +7 over Miami
Miami was disoriented on offense last week.  They may eke out a win here but I don't expect them to blow out the Jags who at the least feel like a team that will compete.   Maybe even fall on the cover dogs list this year.  Is the 12th man in Everbank Stadium the pool?

Baltimore -6 over OAKLAND
I suspect Oakland will play better but you know Baltimore will be hard up for that first win.  and emotionally charged without their leader.

PHILLY -5 over Dallas
It's clear Dallas is a different team without Murray moving the chains and keeping defenses honest.  I don't read into anything from Monday night on the Eagles side with Murray because they were down 20-3 before you knew it.  So let's give it a few games.  Philly's home opener after a loss seems like a safer bet than Dallas's first road game after a miracle.

GREEN BAY -3.5 over Seahawks
Uh oh.  0-2 for the NFC favorites.  2-0 for the other NFC favorites.  This Kam Chancellor holdout is taking the beginning of their season hostage.  Clearly they miss him.  Night game in Lambeau.  WAITING ALL DAY FOR SUNDAY NIGHT.

COLTS -7 over Jets
Rocking crowd, if Jets make a mistake early this will be over by dinner time on the West Coast.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

NFL Week 2 picks

I'm starting a new trend.  Every week on Thursday morning, i'm going to pick the games of the week in the NFL, and tell you who is going to win.  I'll keep track of my record, and at the end of the year, I will throw a party that you're all invited to, to celebrate how awesome of a season I had picking games.

Before I pick any games, I've got a beef.  Flat bill caps.  I know we've talked about this before, but if you're over the age of 18, flat bill cap look is awful.  I give a pass to athletes because they get a new hat every game/every day, so breaking in a new hat everyday would be inefficient.  But the guy who is 38 and wearing a flat bill cap with his 13 year old son, looks like a fool.  Look buddy, you're an adult, act like one.  This wasn't respectable when you were 13, so don't be that guy.

One other thing.  I thought of this while watching Matt Ryan monday night.  There are a lot of pretty good QBs right now who will probably never win a superbowl.  I can't remember in other eras, good QBs that didn't win Superbowls besides Marino.  I'm looking at Phyllis Rivers, Matt Ryan, Carson Palmer, Tony Romo and knowing that they'll never even play in the Superbowl, let alone win one.  While shit QBs like Eli, Flacco, Roethlisberger (he was crap when he won his 2), all have wins.  More so than ever before, I think over the last 10-15 years proves that having a solid defense and enough supporting pieces wins championships, which gives me hope for the Broncos, because after this year, they'll have "just a guy" as QB, and hopefully enough pieces around him.  Or maybe they'll get Matt Ryan.

On to the picks (home team in Bold) (spreads by Bovada)

Chiefs(-3) vs Broncos
I'm a big believer on taking the home team on Thursday night games.  Especially if the home team is a division rival, and have a strong home field advantage.  KC's defense is pretty stout, good pass rush, and better in the secondary now that Eric Berry is back.   Broncos defense is for real, will be one of the best in the league this year, and will carry them in certain games.  This is one where the only way the Broncos win is if they get a defensive TD and a few key turnovers.  Old Man Manning on a short week, on the road, after he got beat the hell up last week, and hasn't looked good in the new system yet...can't take the broncos...Chefs beat the Broncos 17-13 this week.

Patriots (-2.5) vs Bills
I like the pats here.  I think the worst thing that happened to Buffalo and Rex Ryan was that they destroyed an average Colts team last week.  Now they believe they are better than they really are.  Buffalo is a tough place to play, and their defense is for real.  The pats defense is awful, but the offense is going to score enough points most games to win.  H, get used to watching shootouts this year.  Shady McCoy might be done, and I like Tyrod Taylor, but the Bills don't have enough firepower.  maybe if this was week 12, and we had more of a sample size from Tyrod, but I gotta lay the points and take the Pats 31-24.

Cardinals (-2.5) vs Bears
Carson Palmer just wins with Bruce Arians.  I thought the cards were just smoke and mirrors 2 years ago. I thought they were overrated last year.  They're not exciting, they're not great in any one area, but they are solid across the board.  That being said, i'm picking the bears and Cutler in this one.  I like John Fox, he's good until he wears out his welcome.  I was encouraged that the Bears stayed in the game with Green Bay all the way to the end.  I don't like the cards on the road, outside, in the wind and muck of Chicago.  Taking the Bears for the straight up win  24-21.

Bengals (-3.5) vs Chargers
I never take a west coast team, in an early game, on the east coast.  The time difference screws them up.  Bengals destroyed the Raiders last week, and I look for more of the same this week.  Maybe destroy is a tough word.  Bengals have a good running attack, Tyler Eifert looks fully healthy and is a solid weapon for Dalton.  I fucking hate red heads, but since this isn't the playoffs, I think Dalton does enough to win.  Phil Rivers showed that he's still a force to be reckoned with.  But if Detroit had just covered Keenan Allen, maybe one time, they win that game.  San Diego can't go on the road and beat a playoff team, not right now.  Bengals win 28-21

Titans (-1) vs Browns
I guess all it takes is one road win where your rookie QB looks like Dan Marino to start being the favorites on the road.  Granted they're playing the Browns, but i'm not sold on the Titans after one game.  On paper, the Browns are the better team.  Not sure if McCown is going to play, he probably shouldn't anyway.  Manziel makes too many mistakes, and this game is just a flaming pile of garbage.  I like Mariota, I liked him better than Winston before the draft, I still like him better, but one game doesn't put you in the HOF.  Lets pump the brakes here a little.  Cleveland has a better defense than Tampa, and should look to confuse the Flyin Hawaiian.  I'm taking Cleveland here, just because I don't think the Titans are there yet, but shit, this one is a toss-up.  Cleveland wins 17-14

Vikings (-3) vs Lions
I know the vikings opened against a decent defense on the road.  But holy shit they looked like crap.  There was no blocking for AP, Teddy looked uncomfortable the entire time, and I'm sick of Norv Turner already.  I know the Lions aren't a great road team, and hardly ever win outside, and megatron might be done.  But if you're giving me 3 points here i'm taking them.  Blair Walsh kicks like a girl, and they have no confidence in him, besides his name is Blair...what a pussy.  I think this comes down to a FG difference, but i'm going the other way and taking the Lions 27-24. (although 24 seems unlikely unless they score 3 TDS and go for 2 each time, because of Blair)

Saints (-10) vs Bucs
I know that winston looked bad.  I know that the saints are a much better team at home.  But I don't give anybody 10 points in week 2 unless the team giving the points maybe was a superbowl contender.  Saints have no weapons outside of Brandin Cooks.  This offense sucks, the defense can't stop anybody. I can't believe that Rob Ryan is still on the sideline for New Orleans, but I'm not sure it's his fault, they just don't have anything on that side of the ball. Bucs looked bad, got blown out at home by a rookie QB.  They are better than that, but I'm not sure how much better.  Lovie might not last the whole season if things continue like that.  Running game really never got going, and they didn't protect Jameis very well.  This week, they get some of that rolling, and Dirk Koetter starts to figure out how to not suck. I think NO wins the game but they don't cover.  Saints win 28-21.

Giants (-2) vs Falcons
Not sure how the g-men are favored here.  They shit the bed against the Cowboys.  They were actually dominated by the boys in that game so the fact that they should have won was amazing.  Falcons on the other hand, look like they really like Dan Quinn.  Kyle Shanahan has that offense humming along, and as long as Julio Jones stays healthy, this should be a competitive team.  I don't buy into the falcons on the road outside nonsense here.  Matt Ryan played at BC, he can handle the elements, plus it's fall in New Jersey, not winter in Buffalo.  Giants running game is atrocious, Eli will be Eli, and in the end the Falcons win this game 24-17.

Steelers (-6) vs 49ers
This is a matchup of two teams that probably aren't as good as the stats from last week told you.  Steelers played against an awful defense, and still couldn't figure out how to win.  9ers played against a horrible offense, so holding them to 3 points wasn't much of an accomplishment. I will say that the 9ers are imminently more fun to watch if you read the running diary of the Aussie reporter who is live blogging every game.  I think Australians are just funny anyway, but this guy describing american football is just hilarious.  I play the West Coast teams playing the early game on the east coast card here again.  Plus the 9ers played the really late game monday night, so somewhat of a quick turnaround for them.  I'll take the Steelers for the win here 28-13.

Rams (-3.5) vs Redskins
Spiff's skins actually looked pretty good last week.  If they had a real QB, they might have a shot at winning 7 games, but Kirk Cousins is a joke.  This Rams defense is for real, they will molest Kirk Cousins and make him look like he just ate an onion sandwich.  Skins o-line has probably the toughest first 2 weeks in the league between the Dolphins and now the Rams.  I think Nick Foles is better than people give him credit.  Rams should have Tre Mason and Todd Gurley this week.  I like the Rams to win the NFC west this year...I said it.  I think they win this game going away... Rams win 31-13.

Man, there are a lot of games you have to pick

Panthers (-3) vs Texans
These are two good defensive teams.  Although the texans are pretty weak in the secondary.  I enjoyed hard knocks and it made me hate JJ Watt even more than I already did.  Panthers might not have Kuechly this week which makes them not as tough defensively.  Texans are starting Ryan Mallett, who should be decent as long as he wakes up in time for the game.  Cam Newton doesn't have anyone, and I mean anyone, to throw the ball to.  I like the Texans here, backup QB and all.  Final score 21-20 Texans on a JJ Watt something play. (he might kick the game winning extra point, i don't know)

Ravens (-6) vs Raiders
Raiders are bad, even both starting safeties are now out for a long period of time.  Truth is that the safeties weren't that great (yes even charles woodson has lost a lot of steps), so the WAR or whatever statistic you have for replacement players isn't that big of a gap.  Ravens don't have any weapons on offense, none, not one.  Zero. I mean, not any.  Suggs is out because he's a big vagina with weak achilles.  Derek (not David) Carr might not play because of something wrong with his hand, Amari Cooper probably has a concussion from Pacman's bullshit.  (by the way, i get it's the heat of the moment and all that, but if somebody like Richie Incognito had done that, dude would be out of the league, why does Pacman get a pass?, and how do the Raiders players not do some crazy vigilante justice shit?  In my day, we'd have taken care of pacman a few plays later, backup TE would have cheap shotted him and sent him to the hospital, but I digress).  Ravens win 20-3

Dolphins (-6.5) vs Jags
How is this a "late game" on Sunday?  Did CBS say, boy we really want the "battle of florida" to be our marquee afternoon game in week 2?  Maybe CBS doesn't have the doubleheader this week, i don't know, i'm not columbo.  I don't know anything about the Jaguars, except that they have Blake Bortles, and he's the king of preseason.  Dolphins win 38-12.

Eagles (-5.5) vs Cowboys
I don't care that the cowboys don't have Dez.  I don't care that their running game is garbage right now.  I don't care that they should have lost to the Giants.  The eagles were a joke against a not great team last week.  How are they a) favored & b) favored by 5.5?  Bradtard didn't look great, and really the only reason the game was remotely close was that the falcons got tired.  Cowboys win 31-24

Packers (-3.5) vs Seahawks
Legion of boom isn't the same without the actual BOOM.  Seahawks miss Kam Chancellor, but that entire defense has lost it's swagger.  When was the last time the seahawks scored 31 and lost?  When was the last time they gave up 34?    Packers at home, sunday night, with a score to settle, give me the pack big, 27-13.  I think after this game if seattle doesn't pay Kam, they may not make the playoffs.

Colts (-7) vs Jets
All those analysts that were picking the colts as the hot team to win the AFC, wonder where they are right now. Colts looked awful.  They did a  better job of stopping the run, but Frank Gore looks old, Andre Johnson looks old, TY Hilton got hurt, their offensive line had all kinds of trouble.  I think the Colts get back on track this week at home, but probably don't cover.  Jets defense looks strong, they're going to blitz and blitz some more.  They have a great secondary, although not sure that cromartie will play this week.  I like the addition of Brandon Marshall for the Jets.  Decker is not good enough to be the #1 receiver, but with marshall that sets up a really good duo, and Decker becomes a great #2 (like poo).  I think the JETS keep it close and cover, but eventually fall to the Colts.  Final score 24-20

Friday, September 04, 2015

Footyball Preview 2015 - El Padrino

"When you jump and then land or begin to run, you need both the quadriceps muscle in front of your knee and your hamstring muscles in the back of your knee to fire at exactly the same time," said Dr. Robert Klapper, the chief of orthopedic surgery at the Cedars-Sinai Medical Group in Los Angeles. "If the hamstring is a fraction of a second off in firing, as you fire the quadriceps muscle, you are literally moving the tibia forward on the femur and it snaps the ligament." - Torn ACL

Welcome to preview. As always these thoughts are that of my own and should not be taken to a betting window or neighborhood bookie even though they are probably 85.8% accurate.

I mean my god how fucked up are the Redskins. My thoughts on RGIII are, and they never changed, he has to learn to throw the ball from the pocket. Not the moving pocket, not on the run, not on a bootleg but in the pocket created by the line. And his second read decisions are trash. More than half of his picks, career picks, are thrown in the direction of his second progression receiver. I think he could be great. And not with the right coaching staff his arm talent is bonkers. Mentally, not sure he is there and playing for the Skins has just made that worse. Cowboys had a quiet off-season for the Cowboys no? See what happens when you win. Now keep it up. Giants offense is supposed to be great this year. I think that's the only thing you can point to though. Question marks everywhere else. Chip Kelly had a hell of an offseason didn't he? From being called racist multiple times to trading and signing marquee names all the while breaking in a talented but oft injured blue chipper qb to run his complicated fast system.

Eagles (10-6) - 3 seasons 30 wins. Will Bradford hold up? How many times can you tear a knee to shreds? Demarco Murray signing was huge. He's bigger than Shady and just as fast. The depth on this team at the skill position is better this year.

Cowboys (9-7) - Joseph Randle? Cmon son. Running backs grow on trees in this league. But the drop off from what Murray gave them to what Randle and DMC is going to give them is a big gap. Romo needs the running game to produce. I see a slip in production and the Scandrick injury was big.

Giants (7-9) - So long Tom Coughlin. It's been real. You are a hall of famer in my book. And I fucking love you. You hear me? I FUCKING LOVE YOU DAD. BWAHHHAHHHA please don't go. *HEAVY SOBBING*

Teams will prepare for Beckham, Cruz will not be Cruz until Week 8, Randle sucks, the offensive line is still not there, the defense continues to have an alarming number of injuries and Spagnuolo doesn't have Strahan, Pierre Paul and Justin Tuck. Jerry Reese has an uneven record drafting and signing players. I think he's gone too.

Skins (3-13) - This team will be brutal. What they need to do is run Alfie Mo 400 times, blitz a lot and play the field position game. Something tells me that is not Jay Gruden's style.

NFC North
DA NORRIS DIVISION. Fucking Berman. Everyone and their crack mama's are calling this for the Packers. NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND. Corso that bitch. When Corso strokes out and dies I will be mucho sad. Anyway the Vikings are going to feature a power running game, a couple of burners on the outside and two underneath threats for 2nd year pro Teddy Bridgewater. If I said I like the Vikings over team total wins of 8 (vegas line) more than I like my own set of nuts it would be a major understatement and I LOVE MY NUTS. Mike Zimmer can flat out coach a defense. They will be flying around. Packers have always had a hard time containing AP as do many other teams, including the Bears and Lions. Oh yeah the Lions. 11-5 last year yes? What are they dog shit? Because Suh left they regress you think? MMMMM. I don't know. Only the Bears are the clear cut "I know what that record will be" team.

Vikings (11-5) - Remember when Jordan took some time off and came back to win championships? Peterson is of that mold. Purple is the new black.

Lions (10-6)
- This offense is still loaded. Good line, borderline great QB, GOAT WR, good secondary wr's, plenty of tight ends, good backs. Defense will be fine, just not as stingy. I see no reason to grade this team lower than last years 11-5 team. Just throwing in a bad loss for mathematical purposes.

Packers (8-8) - This is my shocking entry. Like I said at the top everyone is picking the Packers even after Rodgers lost his best weapon. McCarthy not calling plays, pretty much delegating them to a guy who will be overridden by Rodgers anyway. The defense is eh. The Vikings are better. The Bears will not be gimmes and the Lions are there as well. I'm also calling a Rodgers injury. Just a hunch.

Bears (4-12)
- John Fox means nothing to me. Without Peyton and the weapons there that first year in Denver would have not been successful. He is fine tuning this roster along with their new GM.

NFC South
I never know what to make of the Panthers. They are either 8-8 or 12-4. It seems that way anyway. The Saints will never go back to those high powered years. I actually think Brees is on the decline. As I write this they are losing their top defensive player at least for 6 weeks (Keenan Lewis). Perfect storm for Dan Quinn in Atlanta. No expectations. A 4-12 year while not optimal will not get you fired unless insubordination is rampant. I think with the pieces he is slowly putting together they will be solid real soon. What to make of Winston. He's super talented. Not quite as dumb as people may think. Actually has a real good concept of the game. Interesting division. Here's how I see it.

Falcons (9-7) - Should be pretty good on offense. Better than anyone else in the division. I mean the Falcons will probably score more points in the first quarters of weeks 1-6 then the Panthers will score all year. Under a new defensive regime, catch a few breaks, this team should be in the hunt.

Bucs (7-9) - Growing pains but flashes of greatness from Jameis. I think he has it all. Pushing the off the field stuff aside including the sexual assault stuff I mean he's so young. I was an asshole when I was young too. Without all the distractions. Two really good WR's. A nice back, few good defensive pieces. Good steady coach. Weak division.

Saints (6-10) - Just not seeing it. Brees in decline. No Graham. Still no defense. When are they going to address that defense? Bring bounties back or something. There is no talent. Mickey Loomis is overrated. They also have a dark cloud coming from ownership hanging over the franchise. Shit is ugly.

Panthers (4-12)
- Turn out the lights Ron Rivera. Cleary regressed from two years ago they went 7-8-1 last year and sneaked into the playoffs. They can't score. For years now they do not score. They never draft anyone sure fire or sign anyone that can change definetly that. I will never understand this. Never.

So long San Fran. Nice knowing you. Seahawks all day nothing to see here.

Seahawks (12-4) - Right there. With or without Kam Chancellor. Team is still intact and they added a weapon at tight end. Secondary will be fine.

Rams (9-7) - Is this Fisher's first winning season here? I think so. Well if I'm right. Foles gives them some stability on offense and their defense is still very good.

Arizona (6-10) - Lost Bowles who really coordinated a great defense last year. Continuity in this league is important. Palmer is back, for now that will help but no running game. Leaky offensive line and they have a brutal schedule. Brutal. Three cupcakes in a row then lights out after that.

Niners (2-14) - If you can have a worse off-season then the Niners you might be the Redskins. I mean jesus Christ. Police blotter, headlines, acrimonious split from success, weird promotions, terrible stadium planning, bad landscapers, blood-letting of roster and the Super Bowl site jinx. Forget it.

Division Winners
Vikings (BYE), Seahawks (Bye), Eagles, Falcons
Wild Card winners
Lions, Cowboys
Wild Card Weekend
Eagles over Cowboys
Lions over Falcons
Divisional Weekend
Eagles over Vikings
Seahakws over Lions
Championship Weekend
Seahakws over Eagles

Seahawks king of the NFC again. Three straight Super Bowl appearances.

AFC East
I mean Pats all day no? It's amazing the consistency they have been able to produce. Jets enter a new era but they are the Jets. They do not have a quarterback. The Dolphins are everyones other sleeper pick but is that Joe Philbin a winner? I don't know, I kind of just look at him and think "ordinary". He looks like a shitty doctor. Rex! I'm excited for the Tyrod Taylor era. I hope they start him.

Pats (12-4) - Garapolo is probably all like, yo that was close. Thank god. Pussy.

Bills (9-7) - Most exciting team no one will see.

Fins (6-10) - Fire Dr. Philbin already.

Jets (4-12) - Welcome to NY MR. Bowles.

AFC North
Another slobberknocker year for this division. A division that the Bengals have sort of dominated. Could it be they just wear out by the time January comes? No. This isn't a grind like baseball. They just never put together 4 quarters in any of those 1st round losses.  I think they crumble.  For no reason.  Some if it is on Andy but some of it is on the defense too. Rothlisberger is poised for a big time year. I think he leads the league in yards this year. Over 5K. The Ravens have a more balanced team this year. They are always hanging around. Poor Cle. If they were in the NFC south they'd have a shot.

Steelers (13-3) - Ben's best year. And once Bell returns they become borderline unstoppable on offense. Even with the poor play on defense and rash of injuries. Nothing is telling me this is a 13 win team but that's why I like the pick.

Ravens (10-6) - Ravens will be right there. Well coached. Consistency at QB.

Browns (5-11) - They won't win many contests but will be cover dogs.

Bengals (4-12) - Fuck Keef. Someone has to be 4-12. Might as well be them. Maybe they will get rid of Lewis now.

AFC South
I think the Colts have a real shot this year. They got slapped around pretty good in the deflategate game and still taste the blood. They need a defensive star to emerge. Hard Knocks went a little overboard with JJ but can you blame them? He's a super duper star. The Titans will be giving teams problems this year.

Colts (14-2) - Super bowl or bust. Will Pagano finally deliver a defense that can make stops when they have to?

Texans (9-7) - I watched Hard Knocks. Bill O B is hilarious. Just line up Watt anywhere and he'll dominate.

Titans (9-7) - Mariota wins ROY. Dr. Bounty has some fun with a top ten defense.

Jags (3-13) - In the middle of a major rebuild with two improving teams and one great one in their division. 0-6.

On the heels of that ginormous contract it kind of feels like San Diego's year no? It does to me. Peyton stopped eating chicken parm so he will be spry in December/January. No worries. Oakland is improving to me and fast. I like Del Rio. Lasted a long time in that northern Florida shit hole. Maclin is just what the Dr. ordered in KC.

Chargers (12-4) - Gonna be one of those years where Rivers throws it on everyone and does that stupid trash talking thing he does.

Chiefs (10-6) - Returned all key spots. Have a real WR. They never turn the ball over.

Broncos (8-8) - It's over.

Raiders (6-10) - Growing pains but signs of life in the bay area. They will be better than the Niners at least.

Division winners
Pats, Steelers (BYE), Colts (BYE), Chargers
Wild Card Winners
Ravens, Chiefs
Wild Card weekend
Ravens over Pats, Chargers over Chiefs
Divisional Weekend
Steelers over Ravens, Colts over Chargers
Championship Weekend
Colts over Steelers

AFC Champ Colts

Luck vs. Wilson. Ugh so many stories that week.

Hawks return to glory. 36-24

Super Bowl champ Seahawks. But that's it. The entire defense holds out the next year, Carroll quits due to a sexual assault charge and the 12th man dies.

have fun boys

Friday, August 07, 2015

Who give a fuck about Cecil the lion?

One thing I'll never understand.  Hunting for trophy.  But I'd never ostracize a person for doing it.  Last I checked this was America.  Keep your outrage limited to parking tickets, dirty politicians, scams, Jehovah Witness preachers and kids who fuck up fast food orders.  For crissakes does everyone need to agree on how a person should live or what to believe in?  Social media makes everything 1000 times worse. 

Oh by the way, shit like this still happens all over the world.
"Bangladeshi blogger who criticised Islam hacked to death..."

And we over here stressing about a dead lion in Africa.

So baseball has been pretty fantastic.  Lots of good stories nationally.  Will be a nice end, good pennant races to follow and interesting matchups potentially in October.
That's all I have to say about that.

August = Arian Foster injury month

is right around the corner.
I draft 8th.  Antonio Brown time

Woodford Reserve is all kinds of delicious. 

Imagine living the life of Aaron Rodgers......Man that guy has it made.  Jeter-esque.  Just pulling out of Olivia Munn and dropping babies on her belly.   All kinds of suite.

Seriously is Rubio related to Alf or something.  Dem some ears bro.

I'm in the minority on True Detective season 2.  I like.

I wish Olympic committee's and FIFA (we know why FIFA does it, obvi) would stop picking third world countries or emerging markets to hold the events.  Brazil, an emerging market, does not have a clean water supply.  It's so bad Olympic athletes cannot even practice in it for fear of catching some mutated disease or virus.  USA is one of the only countries that is equipped to deal with all the problems these games create on day one.  You can hold the World Cup in America tomorrow if you want.  Either all on the east coast or all on the west coast or in between, north or south.  Don't matter.  We got this.


Monday, July 13, 2015

All Star Break

We needed a fresh post.

The Red Sox suck this year.
Does anyone even watch the Homerun Derby anymore?
What about the All Star Game?
What was the biggest surprise of the first half of the season?
Biggest disappointment?
Any reaction to Greg Hardy's suspension being reduced? Does it affect Brady's case at all.


Tuesday, June 02, 2015

Deflate this

Boston sucks. NEXT!!!

Seriously though, gotta get that deflate bs behind us. It's summertime. Get in the pool. Go stare at ladies in sun dresses. Drink fruity drinks.

Don't forget Miller 64!! /Mize

Houston/Cubs World Series would be pretty suite. You know who won't be in the WS? The Breer's. Or Cincy. Or the Red Sux. Or the goddamn pirates. Or the Rox. Or the Mess. Or the Pale Hose.

I wonder if they call chicks in Sconnie pale hose...

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Deflategate? B.S.

Ok, so you knew this was coming.

I'll start off by saying that I try not to be a Boston sports homer. I try to stay as level headed as possible. I don't always succeed. Do I think the footballs in question were potentially under inflated on purpose? Yes, it is absolutely possible. It would be na├»ve of me to think otherwise. NFL teams, and pro teams in general, always try to push the envelope of the rules to gain any advantage they can. "Gamesmanship" is as old as sport itself. That said, and I cannot emphasize this enough, I do not believe that Tom Brady told the ball boys to break any rules, nor do I think the Wells report proved any intentional impropriety. There are too many holes in the investigative process to justify this punishment. Let's look at a couple key points.

First and foremost, in my opinion, the most crucial piece of information is not included anywhere in the report. What was the exact psi of both the Patriots' and Colts' footballs when measured by Walt Anderson prior to the AFC Championship Game? This info is at the crux of the entire issue and the report relies on Anderson's recollection as opposed to any documentation. I don't know much about Walt Anderson, other than he is a 19 year veteran NFL official and has a pretty good reputation. That said, doesn't he have a vested interest in protecting his professional reputation? If he came out and said he didn't properly measure prior to the game, wouldn't he now be the one under fire? That is a huge issue to me as far as credibility goes. The other issue with the lack of documented pregame numbers is that the report later asserts that the Patriots' footballs decreased in pressure to a greater degree than the Colts' footballs. Again, relying upon Anderson's recollection of the numbers instead of documented fact. It's very easy to manipulate facts without a starting point being written down. Do I think it is a conspiracy and Anderson hates the Patriots? Absolutely not, but I do feel that there is an inherent interest in protecting his own reputation and image and therefore a conflict of interest in his recollection.

The second issue is that Roger Goodell was asked at his Super Bowl press conference about whether the NFL had ever tested air pressure during halftime of any game in the league's history. Goodell replied that he couldn't say whether they had or hadn't, which to me suggests the latter. If it were common practice, then the Commissioner would have said so. That said, there once again is no reference point (scientists call it a control group) for comparison. During the course of a game, footballs are thrown with great force, hit with helmets as defenders attempt to knock it loose, spiked in celebration, and fallen on by very large men, sometimes several of them at a time. How do we know that any of the above don't or can't affect the psi of the footballs? In short, we can't because they've never measured them before and have no way to show the allegedly decrease in pressure was abnormal.

Also at issue is the fact that 2 separate gauges were used at halftime, showing two different measurements for each of the measured footballs (12 Patriots', 4 Colts'). 2 men using 2 different gauges came up with 2 different measurements each time. The report states that Anderson can't remember which gauge he used pregame versus which he used at halftime. He thinks he used one, but the report asserts that he must have used the other. Again, why? If you're going to rely on his recollection for the baseline psi numbers, why are you then going to refute his recollection of which gauge he used? Because it makes the alleged drop in pressure seem more egregious and damning.

Let's move on to the supposedly incriminating text messages between McNally and Jastremski. (Bird and JJ, respectively.) These texts are taken completely out of context, and we're supposed to take them at face value, with no potential for hyperbole or sarcasm. I read those messages as two guys bitching about their boss. We all do it and we all know other people who do to. How does this prove anything? Yes, McNally referred to himself as "The Deflator." Does this mean Brady told him to set an illegal pressure? Is it outside the realm of reasonable possibility that Brady was upset about game balls not being up to his liking, yelled about it because he wanted them at the minimum level, and the two guys joking about that? If he likes them at 12.5 psi and got them at 13.5 or 14 or 16, wouldn't the name Deflator still apply? Why is this nickname taken to mean something nefarious was going on? Also, nowhere in those text messages does it state that Brady wants the balls set at a particular psi, legal or otherwise. In fact, the only reference to a specific psi was when one of them was lamenting how "the refs f**ked us" by inflating the balls to 16 psi, which he found when he measured them the next day. So, are we to believe that the guy who was allegedly deflating footballs after the refs measure them left them at such a high level?

Now comes Tom Brady. The report states that he lied when he stated that he didn't know McNally, whose nickname around the locker room is bird. You all have known me for years as H. If it wasnt for Facebook friendships, many of you wouldn't know my real name. If someone asked you, "Hey, how's Mike Hilario doing, you might think you don't know me. I have had friends from the music and bar scene who had known me for years without knowing my real name. So if they said they didn't know me, would that make them liars?

As far as the cell phone issue, I can understand Brady not wanting to give his phone to investigators. Like all of us, he likely has personal information on there, conversations with his wife and family, and other potentially sensitive, unrelated information on his phone. With the number of leaks that came out of the NFL offices and other sources in this and other recent investigations, I can understand the concern that personal info could be leaked to the public. We all remember the iCloud hack of not long ago. Is it possible that Brady has similar type of material on his phone? That is only one of literally hundreds of possibilities that could make someone want to hold onto their phone. I don't think his refusal is an admission of guilt. Other than this one area, Brady cooperated fully with the investigation, and the report states as much.

I could go on, but I think I've sufficiently poked enough holes in the report on which the NFL relied upon to determine their punishment of Brady and the Patriots Organization. How you can turn around and justify such a steep penalty using this flawed document is mind boggling. I reference again a quote from page 228 of the report. "In sum, the data did not provide a basis for us to determine with absolute certainty whether there was or was not tampering as the analysis of such data ultimately is dependent upon assumptions and information that is not certain." Case closed. The report also states that Bill Belichick and the Patriots likely did not know of any tampering that may have occurred.

This penalty is simply an overreaction and response to public pressure and outcry. The NFL botched the initial punishments for Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson, and Greg Hardy last season. With the Rice suspension specifically, the initial 2 game suspension was only increased after TMZ released the footage from the elevator, which the NFL to this day denies seeing before that day. After the public outcry, Rice's suspension was increased in length. So, rather than risk another misstep, the NFL released the report last week, waited to gauge public sentiment, and then determined punishment. That is absolutely ridiculous and unfair scapegoating of Tom Brady and the Patriots.

I know I'm going to get slammed for this whole thing, but the point is the NFL doesn't have the evidence required for such a harsh penalty. I really hope that this another case where the NFL loses on appeal, but in general I am very disappointed and surprised about what has transpired here.

Thursday, April 30, 2015

Draft Day

Man I love me some draft. I was going to do a mock here but mad busy yo so just some thoughts.

Mariota > Winston IMO

Dante Fowler Jr. - best player on the board IMO

Vic Beasly is a project. Projects shouldn't be drafted in the first round (unless they are drafted by the Giants then it's ok because they know better than everyone, example : Jason Pierre Paul).

Think Tennessee is dumb if they trade out of 2, Mariota is clearly the play here. Doesn't matter what the Browns offer.

Also, the Browns don't deserve Mariota.

I hope Amari Cooper develops a british accent. Black dudes with British accents are cool.

Gruden is a god damn national treasure.

Also, I love how he shits on Kiper.

I don't see any corners going in the first round, according to my own big board.

Weak field overall for defensive backs

Big Bud Dupree fan.

Rounds 2-4 win championships.

Random thoughts:

Shame the Clips/Spurs series will be over. Great times so far.

I want to stop feeling tired.

Mayweather is an asshole but he's the best.

Billy D making the jump. Not sure how TP feels about that.

I'm going to miss the shit out of David Letterman

I don't get why politicians try and blame each other for things like the Baltimore riots. It's like assholes, it's not always about red and blue. They are just the worst. Both sides suck.

Things like that always boil down to one thing to me, economics. A stable economy in any city large or small is the key to success. Whether dems or republicans are in charge instead of fighting for lobbyists and special interest groups and political power they should fight for the people of their district. Create jobs.

CNN is a clown show

Fucking Avengers

Apple's first quarter is redonk on HGH.

Be careful with that iCarly chick boys, she's a lying hoe on that show.

Wedding song update : The ginger meiz crushes on is #1 "Thinking Out Loud"
(last year it was All of You, Legend)

Friday, April 10, 2015

El Pad Update

I'm doing fine.

Some topics to discuss.

Ted Cruz is a nut.
Rand Paul, slightly less nutty.

No chance Hillary is president. Bet. 5G's.

Equal pay for woman. Um, but, so, let me... Well first I want to say.....


Funny how they ignore and by they I mean anyone who talks about it that, equal pay for women or woman as El Pad would say, the fact that it's not the norm in all industries. In most? Probably. But in porn woman get paid more, you don't see a sweaty cock union picketing asking for equal pay for men. Modeling. Hairdressers, especially if you discount the gay men as actually being men. There is equal pay in most government posts, funny how no one mentions that. SEC of State makes whatever it is the Sec of State makes. A frog can be Sec and State and the frog would get paid the same.

Also you know on average males, no matter the color but for this argument white works best, work harder than women, take less time off, spend more time in the office and generally are just better at their job?

Let's talk Iran.

Ending U.S. sanctions on a country that prays Death to America daily is ok with me as long as we never actually allow them to make a bomb. It's like when the kids play with that fake kitchen. They think they are cooking......

Also I'd like to add centrifuge to my annual xmas wish list.

I want to see Furious 7 so I can cry.

Damn shame NFL has a muzzle on ESPN. I need some Pedro Gomez in my life with daily Aaron Hernandez trial speak. I understand why the NFL network refuses to not even acknowledge it but damn ESPN. How does it feel to swim in that programming blood money?

Listeria hummus won't sell well.

CUBA? Sure why not. That country is more behind the times than North Korea.

Fast food pay raises? I mean I guess. Let me ask though what does the amount of money a corporation makes have to do with what they pay their employees? Assembling a burger takes little effort and requires zero skill. Why should they pay anyone anything more than what the job requires. I believe in paying people according to living wage and keeping up with inflation but not basing it on how nice a company's balance sheet looks. And stop having children if you can't afford the ones you already have. What does Ronald McDonald have to do with you being a whore.

John Oliver, we are lucky to have him.

Think I'm gonna get the boys together to watch the draft at an establishment.

Every time Harvey pitches I'm hard.

Monday, March 30, 2015

Runny diary

I was going to do a runny diary of the I heart radio music awards. Then the first award for best lyrics came on and the nominees included Sam Smith, John Legend, Ed Shereen and the winner was Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift won an award for best lyrics. On an actual "awards" show. In real life. I realized at that point that this was the worst show ever made. So I fast forwarded through most of the rest of the show. FF to the layperson. Here are some highlights. Kelly Clarkson don't give a fuck how fat she is. She looks like she ate Kelly Clarkson. Iggy Azalea might be irrelevant in a year. She does the same thing in every song. Megan Trainor is yahuge. Ya.....Huge. I really really really really am trying to learn to tolerate country music. Really I am. But I can't. I'm sorry. Whenever is comes on, I try to "appreciate" it, but I end up changing it after a minute. Sue me.

Beisbol is almost here. Giants won't win this year. I'm picking a Blue Jays/Nationals World Series. Gross. The Yankees and Red Sux will fight for 4th/5th place. The Breer's will finish in 4th or 5th and I will win $30 from Mize.

NBA finals will be Cleveland and Houston. I've seen 7 minutes of nba all season.

NHL finals will be LA and Pittsburgh. I've seen zero minutes of hockey and don't even know if those two teams are in the playoffs.

Kentucky will win the NCAA title.

I'm going to Arlington this week. I hope I see the changing of the guard.

Friday, March 13, 2015


So this happened on the Twitter masheen last night

It's pretty awesome

Will Ferrell yada yada yada.  Thus far, I've only seen one piece of footage of him making a play. I want to see more.

I think we've discussed the Eagles slightly less than the national media.  I don't think they'll be any good. 8-8.


What's your preferred taco at home? Ground beef? Chicken? Steak? Pork? I like chicken best. They feel healthier and kinda fancy.
What are your go-to toppings for tacos? I'm a simple man. Cheese, lettuce, Ortega hot taco sauce. Man, I really hate when grocery stores don't have the big bottle of the Ortega hot sauce. Anyone else tried the retail Taco Bell sauces? If you haven't, don't. They suck. They don't taste anything like they do from Taco Bell.


I love this current Bucks team. The Edens & Lazry are building this team the right way. They're gonna be scary good in a couple years. Making the playoffs this season actually disappoints me. I wanted another high lottery pick/a shot at Jahlil Okafor. Oh well, at least Jabari will be back next year.
Khris Middleton. That dude is fucking good at basketball. I loved when he got "thrown in" the Jennings trade. Turning a shoot first PG with a shit FG% into Middleton, Carter-Williams, Tyler Ennis, and Miles Plumlee is fucking amazing.

The 2015 Milwaukee Brewers will not finish 4th or 5th in the NL Central. Thanks for the $30, Keith. I think I'll put it towards a new pair of sneakers.


It's been a long time since I've had to bail out the the shower in the morning to shit. I know Jug cares.

I bet it's the coolest shit in the world to be a millionaire. I mean, you can pretty much do whatever the fuck you want whenever you want. I don't understand why so many of these CEOs, and top end execs bother to keep working when they've been making a few/several/many millions of dollars a year for the last 15 years. What's the fuckin' point? Just quit.

Shit, if I even made 35 to 40k, I'd be out here stuntin' on motherfuckers. System in the whip, actual furnishings in a nicer apartment(not too fancy though), able to travel for a vacation, sheiit.

I wanted to post my favorite Ed Sheeran song/video, but I couldn't find the version I wanted. It's "Don't" off his VH1 Storytellers show. Instead I'll throw my second favorite one. This is "Thinking Out Loud". I dig this cat's music.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"

"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem

"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug

"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino

"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H

"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino

"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino