The Weekly Messtache

Victorino & Inge got the final All-Star spots. I really think Pablo and Adam Lind should be there.

From HOF baseball writer Hal McCoy:

WHAT I WOULD like to do right now is walk into the media dining room and kick out the plugs on three computers. Fans are voting for the final roster spot for the All-Star game and the Phillies are in an all-out campaign to get Shane Victorino on the team.

The Phillies have three young men in the dining room sitting at laptops punching in Victorino’s name every few seconds. And they are doing it non-stop, nearly around the clock. So when Victorino wins you’ll know it wasn’t a fan vote at all.

Can’t anybody do anything honestly any more? If it were up to me I’d vote for the Phillie Phanatic to be the last player on the NL roster. The guy is hilarious.

Yes, I voted for Noodle Arm over 2,500 times last year(ns), but to have a team of guys employed just to vote...That's some bullshit, right there.

Bomani Jones put DeMarcus Ware in The Homeboy Hall Of Fame


Why can't people do a decent job when they call 911? Seriously. Just say it. I'm at Steve McNair's condo, and he's fucking dead. He was shot in the head, and chest.

The Mets suck. So do the Brewers.

America's favorite pothead broke the 100m Butterfly world record.

The Dong Derby should be a good one this year with The Arbiter, Fat Boy, ADRIAN!!!, and Ryan Howard representing the NL. Oh, the AL? I don't give a flying fuck about them.


Be Kind, Rewind. Not a good movie, yet I watch it frequently.


Michael, Michael on YouTube


Michael, Michael for Windows Media Player and download HERE

Here's Skeets on the Marion Deal.


Whew. I had to eat some nachos. I don't feel as hammered, now. I'm running out of gas.

Here's my current favorite song. Maybe I put it on LOM. I don't recall. Mutron Angel.

Semi-related to the Bad Ink link I posted last night...Here's some chicks that caught fish. There are a few lookers peppered in there. A girl that can fish is hawt. #7 has some treemendous falsies.

Tomorrow is UFC 100, yes? Don't ask me about it. Talk to Keith & Tem.

I'm much more charming on IMs than I am in person. Woe.


I leave you with this: Kermit & Fozzie gettin' the job done. Don't act like you don't love this movie.

On the road

This post is being written from the road, so my effort will be minimal.

Rained at the game yesterday. Cubs decided they don't want to hit the ball. I don't understand booing your own team's good players. I understand booing the Aaron Mileses and Neifi Perezes off the world. But people like Milton Bradley and Alfonso Soriano, while both eccentric, are good to very good players. Slumps happen, don't be a douche.

Make-a-wish segments are the best thing Sportscenter does each year. This Fan Feast thing looks like it might not be terrible.

Not sure what else happened yesterday. Have fun commenting.

Smooth Criminal.

I finally got my deposit back from my previous landlord. It only took her four months and me sending her a threatening letter for her to respond. I got four bucks interest too. I thought I was going to have a battle on my hands, but she just sent a check in an envelope with no return address. They are amateurs.

So the Pistons are going to hire a Cavs assistant coach. Makes cents*. They're already paying two coaches a ton of money, way break the banks for a washed up has-been (Collins).

World Wide Bleeder is now reporting that LeBron didn't talk to Ariza about getting an apartment together. Can you trust anything they report anymore? I'm going to go with no.

Jays are entertaining offers for Halladay. God, I hope he gets moved to the NL so he can win 25 games a year for my keeper team.

Manny gets ejected, Dodgers still shutdown the Menstropolitans. No World Series celebration for BB-Rod yesterday, cuz when you're down eight runs, you don't get a chance to close. Sorry EP, but I just hate that dude.

Dempster has an owie on his big toe, and will reportedly have robotic toe implant surgery later today to match his robo-arm. Sky-net approves.

Phillies watch Pedro work out. Excellent. Hopefully they sign him and Operation: Fuck Boston starts to effect their team, which starts the slow decline of the area. I am hoping the devastation leaves Pat's and Gino's as the only standing buildings in the vicinity and the city's name is changed to Cheesesteakville.

MJ was or was not in the coffin at Staples. I'm going with not in the coffin. Also, L.A. is broke and wants AEG to pay for Police presents* during the parade/funeral/whatever it was. AEG ain't havin' it. You can donate to the city on the Mayor's website. I am not shitting you. It's come to this.

What happened to Stevie Wonder? Dude was on top of the world; multi-platinum albums, Grammys out the ass, and now he just preforms one song every six months or so. How about working on an album?

Sigh. I really wish it was football season already.

I 8A4RE 2

The subject was on a license plate on my way to work. It was on an older Cadillac CTS. What is it? I ate a Ferrari too? Hell if I know.


So tem's thoughts on Michael Jackson.......doesn't care. He probably raped little boys, so I'm not a big fan of that, but his effect/influence/popularity in music can't be questioned, so he's got that going for him. At the end of the day he was a weird dude, really weird, probably raped little boys and was talented in music. He'll probably go to hell.

Tem's thoughts on McNair.....could care less. That's right, I care a little bit. It is possible for me to care a little less. For instance I care less about MJ than McNair. Maybe because I like football more than music, maybe because McNair didn't probably rape little boys. Who knows why I think the things I do, but the point is I could care less. Anyway, I still don't know if he was cheating on his wife, if he was then he got what he deserved. If he wasn't then it pretty much sucks for him. The silver lining for this could be that he was going to get divorced and lose half his shit, then knock up a 20 year old or whatever and lose the other half. Had he not been shot he would have had NOWHERE TO GO. Mercy killing? Perhaps.

Tem's thoughts on Johnny Cueto.....thanks for showing up. I am sure Keith was thrilled.

Tem's thoughts on the Pirates....good freaking Lord, do you have to trade everyone?? I'm not a GM, but I am a scientist and I know science says that you can't build a winner by trading every single player who shows some promise. What's the freaking point of trading for some dude or drafting him just to trade him away the moment he becomes good?

Tem's thoughts on tennis....still hate it even though I can appreciate how awesome that Wimbledon match was.

Tem's thoughts on Lebron telling Ariza that he'll stay in Cleveland...Ariza isn't even in Cleveland, this makes no sense WWL...the Omnibus would never have stood for such shoddy reporting.

Tem's thoughts on the Tour De France...apparently it started. That's all I know.

Tem's thoughts on posting a movie review....I better do it, that's the only thing worth reading unless I do a running diary.

Soul Power

This movie is pretty interesting. I was actually intrigued by the concept. See some scientist (not Jug) invents a way to harness the power of people's souls. This is interesting because 1) it indirectly proves souls exist and 2) you can find out if other animals like dogs have souls and 3) you can see who has the most powerful soul. This movie breezes past 1 and skips over 2 completely, possibly saving that for the sequel. It mostly focuses on 3....that is it focuses on who has the most powerful soul.

See the scientist says that the better the soul, the more power it kicks off. You have to believe him because 1) he is a scientist and 2) he invented Soul Power, so he knows what he is talking about. So some evil villain dude (played by Chris Farley in his last film...yeah, who knew?) gets him a doomsday device and tries to run it with a person with a super powerful soul. He tries all sorts of people in it, he kidnaps Oprah, doesn't work, he kidnaps some ratards, doesn't work, he kidnaps Dane Cook, doesn't work, but Dane dies so that was nice, he kidnaps orphans, doesn't work. So finally he decides to kidnap the scientist to force the scientist to help him find a person with a rockin' soul.

After the scientist gets kidnapped they put Omar Epps on the case (Wesley Snipes was unavailable). Omar tracks them down with the help of his partner, Rob Schneider (thrown in for comic relief, he does fine). The scientist decides that Omar has the best soul or at least a good enough one and Rob has to save the day. Rob frees the scientist and they build an anti doomsday device. The scientist convinces Rob that he has a strong enough soul with enough Soul Power to run the anti-doomsday device and they strap him in. Sucks for Rob though, the scientist was lying, Rob's soul sucks, the anti-doomsday device doesn't work and the evil guy wins.

Now I know what you are thinking...the scientist couldn't have been wrong about Rob's soul...that's right he wasn't, turns out he was an evil scientist. Plot twist.

Oh so the world is under control of the evil scientist and villain dude. I think that Paul Blart Mall Cop guy is in talks to take over for Farley in the sequel.

4 helmet stickers out of 5...no nudity.

Is he nuts? No, he's insane

Hopefully everyone had a safe and fun holiday weekend. Personally, the 3 days went by way too fast.

So apparently they had some lottery to get tickets for the Mike Jackson memorial at Staples Center. I wish I had been paying attention when they announced this because I would have definitely tried to get some of those. I'm sure I would have been able to get some suite cash money for those duckets. No offense to MJ, but I'll be glad when this memorial will be over because then maybe the news will tone it down a notch or 17 on the MJ coverage. It's gotten to be pretty ri-goddman-diculous at this point.

I was out of town from Saturday morning until Sunday afternoon, so the only sports I saw this weekend was the last 30 minutes of the Roddick/Federer match and Tiger's last 4 holes on Sunday afternoon. Thankfully, that was by far the best of what happened this weekend. I'm not a tennis fan at all, but watching the end of that match was awsome*. 1 guy trying to surpass Sampras' record of Grand Slam titles, the other guy trying to beat his daddy, makes for some solid TV.

Also, as was mentioned here on the weekend, Steve McNair's death was pretty shocking and surprising. To me, he always seemed like a pretty stand up dude. I still remember watching him play when he played at Alcorn State, he seemed superhuman at the time. But I guess being 36 and married with kids, and then getting kilt by his 20 year old mistress shows that he was human. Good guy. Sad story.

MLB All-Star rosters were announced yesterday. The fans voting in Josh Hamilton is pretty dumb. He's been hurt most of the 1st half and when he did play his numbers were awful. Another thing I noticed is that the Dbacks, Astros, and Padres each have 2 players represented while the Cubbies only have 1. IN YOU FACE, FREAK!
FWIW, I think Derrek Lee should have made it, maybe over Ryan Howard. But that's basically splitting hairs on my part.

Cereal* killer is on the loose in South Carolina. Hopefully tem or Beth don't have plans to go to Myrtle Beach or Hilton Head anytime soon. The guy might be about 5'9" or so.***** All I'm sayin' is, I hope you have an alibi, EP.

Blue runs Formula One racing. Who knew?

Temps here this week are going to be in the 112°-114° range. Woe.

That is all. Go comment.

*****I completely made that up

4th.

So, Artest to the Lakeshow. It's gonna be interesting. It's a great signing, if the rumors are true about the years and money, but the Lakers still have some work to do. If I were Jerry Buss, I'd resign Lamar and go into the luxury tax as much as I have to. Because with that rotation, the Lakers are a matchup nightmare and even with all of the other moves that teams have made, they would be the team to beat.

Manny's back. I almost wrote a full post about how Baseball is FUBAR because they're in the middle of their season and they're getting jacked in the ratings by Soccer and basketball is stealing all of their press with the insane amount of free agent signings and trades. But Manny is a big story, Yankees failing, the Mets bouncing back and Derek Lee's seven RBI are pretty noteworthy. I just wish it wasn't five years until their playoffs started. Oh, and by that time, Football will have started. I wish I could time travel at about this time of year to about the end of September every year. That would be great.

I was sick for most of the weak* and I watched the following movies, all of which were awesomely bad and I highly recommend:

Ninja Cheerleaders. Yes, this is a real movie. Yes, it stars Trishelle from the Real World Vegas. Yes, George Takei is their sensi. Yes, it has terrible acting and laughable action sequences. Yes, it features a strip-off in a strip club where the three ninja cheerleaders participate despite the fact that they don't strip one article of clothing. And yes, all of that awesomeness combined makes this an excellent movie. Especially if you're bombed.

Robocop. I have seen this movie approximately 948 times, but I have not watched it in the last 15 years or so. I highly recommend catching it, I think it's on IFC's rotation right now. It stars the Dad from That 70's Show in a pretty big role for him at the time as the main villain. And I had completely forgotten about the most awesome scene in the movie and had to rewind it about five times when it got to the part where some dude lost an election and he takes the mayor hostage. While they're sending Robo in, he negotiates his demands with a Lieutenant. Somehow they start talking about a new car as part of his demands ("Something with reclining leather seats, that goes really fast, and gets really shitty gas mileage!") and they're going over the options ("Yeah! Okay! Sure! What about cruise control? Does it come with cruise control? ") when the guy realizes that the Lt. is jerking him off. So he pulls the Mayor up and threatens to kill him, but Robo pulls him through a wall and then punches him out of a two-story window. Awesome. Also awesome - the dude that turns into Toxic Avenger at the end of the movie and he gets run over by one of his fellow cronies. A++++++++++++++++

Breakin'. Again, hadn't seen this in a long time, but because it has aged terribly, it is pretty awesome. Of course it's all about the adventures of Turbo and Ozone, but it also features a young Shooter McGavin. His best line is ''Street dancing belong in the street!'' Thanks, Captain Obvious. It also features Iced T, but WOW is his rapping bad in this flick. If you're only going to subject yourself to one Breakin' movie, I suggest this one and not the highly inferior Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo. I am still not over the disappointment that Breakin' 2 caused me, and it's been 24 years. Yes, I understand that makes me old.

Teen Wolf. Yeah, again, I haven't seen it in awhile, it's aged badly, and yet it is awesome. And I can see why Greg White wanted to change his name; Stiles was a pretty cool dude.

Have a great 4th. Drink beer, eat hamburgers, light off some fireworks. It's your job as an American.

NBA and horny dogs

Lots of NBA action, too bad T ain't posting today, he would have dropped more knowledge than I'm about to. Pistons sign a crunchtime shooter and a big man who can shoot. Bulls offered Gordan similar deals the past two years and he rejected them in thinking that he will sign with contender I guess? The Bulls have a nice young team which can contend in the East for years to come so I'm not sure what he thinks the Pistons got going on but in my opinion Chicago >>>> Detroit. Bucks had no shot at matching anything Charlie V would get on the open market so his departure surprises no one.

Two ex Knicks traded for each other as Q goes back home to La-La land and the Grizz get Z-Bo.

Cavs look like a lock to steal Ariza cuz the Lakers don't think he's worth more than the minimum of 5.6MM. Seems silly, Ariza had a treeeemendous playoffs and keeping him would be smat*.

Knicks and Mavs are fighting over Kidd. He'll be a nice fit in NY because they can limit his minutes and he'll thrive knowing he's pushing a franchise that has been pretty bad to decent or even good. Anyone see his kid lately? Does that boy still rock a watermelon for a dome?

Fucking AIG does a 1-20 reverse stock split and fucks up all my margin reports, I got some people with quadrillion dollar excess or trillion dollar margin calls.

Go to hell. Posting on Thursday's is dumb.

Freak Video of the Day, Keyboard Cat playing The Shining



Video #2, Dog gets some pussy




Happy FRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDAAYYYYY!

Aitch's American Idol Diary

Shortcut to comments
Day 1 - Friday, June 12th


5:30 a.m. Beep! Beep! Beep! Alarm is going off. Time to wake up. Go online to check out the rules and I see that I need two forms of ID. License, passport, birth certificate. Well I only have one form. Crap! Now I gotta wait for City Hall to open. So much for my early start! Probably should have read the rules sooner...


8:31 a.m. Birth Certificate acquired. On to Gillette Stadium


9:31 a.m. There it is. Mecca




My American Idol Experience




9:32 a.m. Another picture to piss you off, EP.






9:33 a.m. Not nearly as many people as I expected.






9:36 a.m. That was easy. I went in and walked up to the desk. The girl checked my license (no second form needed, grrrr!), and handed me a ticket and put a wristband on me with the instructions "do not take this off!" I need to comeback Sunday morning at 5 a.m. Yea, this paper wristband should make it to Sunday... Day 1 Complete. I could have gone to work.






Day 2 - Saturday, June 13th


1:30 p.m. I see that my friend is also going to the audition. I send her a message asking if she wants to go together


7:45 p.m. Friend calls back in a panic. Apparently they are opening the parking lot at 2 a.m. Sunday. They said we didn't have to be there until 5. She convinces me to meet up at quarter to 2 in the morning. (Remember, this was not my idea)


Day 3 - Sunday, June 14th


2:28 a.m. Crap!! I overslept. On what could turn out to be the biggest day of my life, I overslept!! Throw on some clothes (good thing I showered and shaved last night before bed) and run out the door. Friend calls, she's running late too.


3:00 a.m. Meet up with friend at a Dunkin Donuts. It's closed. She's pissed. Drive up to the stadium. Sons of bitches are charging $20 to park. WFT! Vultures. Fuck you, Bob Kraft!


3:26 a.m. Did I mention that it's raining? Yup, just a drizzle for the moment. This is what the line looks like ahead of me. Damn, there are a lot of people here early...






4:10 a.m. Ah crap, I have a stage mom behind me. She's going on and on about her daughter and how many competitions she's been in and how many shows she's tried out for. Rambling on and on. All this while daughter is sitting in the car staying dry and wam. Bullshit. I bet the daughter is ugly.


4:40 a.m. Yup, stage mom has not shutup yet. Between bragging about her daughter and the phone call updates to the daughter in the car at 5 minute intervals, I'm ready to throttle this bitch. It's now pouring out and I'm getting cranky. I bet you the daughter is ugly.


5:10 a.m. The line moved 15 feet then stopped. Still couldn't ditch stage mom though. She's quieted a little though. Still raining. Still no daughter.


6:02 a.m. It's starting to let up a bit and the clouds are breaking.



Daughter showed up. I was right, she's ugly. Her and mom are the ones in yellow raincoats. These pics don't do her justice. She's much uglier in person.







6:03 a.m. The line ahead and behind me, respectively. Can't see the end of the line, but rumor is there are 7,000 registered auditioners. Seems low.







6:43 a.m. Line hasn't moved at all. Security personnel have come out of the gates though. This could be a good sign.






6:45 a.m. News van from a local station. They aked for volunteers from R.I. to sing (It's a staton out of Providence). No one volunteers. Reporter is stumped. Hilarity...






6:49 a.m. Finally, they are letting us in!!






7:06 a.m. They've herded us into an area to take a bunch of crowd shots. I'm officially soaked. The producer on the bullhorn is telling people to spin their umbrellas. Sweet, now I'm getting splashed from every direction and the short people around me almost stab me in the eye. Great idea slick!







8:11 a.m. After an hour of various chants and crowd shots, they let us go to our seats. Most people are hanging out in the concourse to get dry.







8:12 a.m. People are slowly drifting to their seats. A producer explains to the crowd that auditions will be held by section number which is on the ticket we got at registration on Friday. Meaning what time we showed up today has no meaning. Glad I listened to my friend and woke up 3 hours earlier than I needed to. (Remember, this wasn't my idea). We decide to split up and head for our seats (we were in different sections.)






8:13 a.m. They have tents set up across the field for the auditions. We'll be lining up and brought into the tents in groups of 4. Each person will sing and then the producers will decide our fates.







8:15 a.m. Another picture to piss you off, EP.






8:26 a.m. Everyone is being told to take their seats or we can't start. We're also waiting for Ryan Seacrest to arrive. This causes the girls to scream. Why am I here again?


9:18 a.m. After some crowd shots and group singing (I'm not joking about the singing), Seacrest has finally arrived. He thanks the crowd, says the show wouldn't exist without us, blah, blah, blah. Yes, he is down there in the pic somewhere, but you can't see because of all the umbrellas.






9:21 a.m. Couple of crowd shots








9:44 a.m. Typical club girl with the stereotypical meathead bodyguard/boyfriend. Her one goal is to get on camera by looking slutty and shaking her ass at the camera. She literallly stands on the seat backs in front of her, facing away from the camera and shakes her ass every time it comes by.






9:49 a.m. Camera is away, club girl covers up.






9:50 a.m. Finally, they begin bringing people down for auditions. Nearly 5 hours after they told us to be there. they start with section 126. I'm in 130.






10:34 a.m. Some random crowd shots and the tents across the field full of hopefuls.








1:36 p.m. They finally get to our section. 4 hours after they started and nearly 10 hours after my initial arrival. I'm exhausted already and my throat is parched. This should be good






2:01 p.m. I'm actually standing on the grass of Gillette Stadium. Sadly, this may be the highlight of my day. The grass is so soft... Almost time for the audition. Time to focus.







2:02 p.m. About half the initial crowd is still waiting to audition. Gonna be a long day for them.






2:05 p.m. This is the group I talked to for the majority of the time there. The girl in white and the other dude are from Western MA. Girl on the far right is from Dallas. Her plan is to hit a many as these things as it takes. We plan to try to stay together as a group, but some girl jumps back in line cuz she doesn't want to audition with her friends. "It's bad luck" ???? Now I'm seperated from my crew. Great.






2:18 p.m. I got assigned to tent #4. That's Bobby Orr's number. A good sign? The two producers are a British dude and an American chick. I hate Limeys...






2:31 p.m. Girl next to me is an incredible singer. This does not bode well for H.


2:32 p.m. "Hi, I'm Mike. I'll be singing 'Hey, Jealousy' by The Gin Blossoms..." I start singing, nervous as hell. I can feel my voice crack a bit, but I'm ok. My palms are sweaty. Making eye contact with the two producers. Oh shit, I'm standing still. I'm not doing anything to seperate myself from every other singer here. Crap! Limey producer puts his hand up to signal for me to stop. I waited 12 hours for a 20 second audition.


2:34 p.m. After a brief huddle, the producers decide to keep the incredible singer next to me, and send the rest of us home. My Idol adventure is over.


2:40 p.m. The two Western MA people catch up to me. They didn't get through. Dallas girl apparently was incredible and moved on. I'm looking forward to seeing how she does on the show.


Well, that's it. All in all it was hell, but still a cool experience. I met some awesome people, shared a lot of laughs and have a story to tell. Thanks o every one who encouraged me to go through with it.


And for no particular reason at all, here is a Dodge Viper that I saw on the way home.

LoV Midseason Awards

Well we’re halfway through the 2009 LoV season, so I figured that I would hand out some midseason awards. These were voted on by, well, me, myself, and I. If you don’t like the results, then try harder.

R(etard)OY – Duh. Nothing needs to be said here. This has become a lifetime achievement award. In fact, this award is going to be renamed the Steve Award at the end of this season. Lucky guy. I always wanted to have an award named after me.

Comeback Player of the Year – There’s not much competition here, so this will go to Todd Packer since he was M.I.A. for a while and has returned with a vengeance. Well, maybe not a vengeance, but some TP is > than no TP.

Rolaids Relief Award – El Padrino is the runaway winner here. He’s always there to save the day when we need a good chuckle and some solid HDH.

Cy Young (aka Pitcher of the Year) – I’ll give you 2 guesses for this one. And your first guess doesn’t count. Kod runs away with this award, for the 7th straight season. He’s like the Lance Armstrong of pitching, but I assume that he’s got bolth of his nutz.

Coach of the Year – This was a tough one, but it looks like spiff is the winner here. Currently spiff has the #1 FMLB team in the Y! league and the #2 team in the keeper league. He finished 3rd in the FNBA league, and 2nd place in the FFB Y! league this season. Add this to his legendary linking of poon, and it’s been a strong season so far for the spigook.

Lady Byng Trophy – I don’t really know what this, and I’m not gonna look it up. But Beth will probably win it since she’s the only “lady” here. So congratulations. You can keep your trophy in the closet with your skeletons so fmbeth doesn’t find out.

Defensive Player of the Year – Another runaway winner here for El Padrino. Noone at LoV gets defensive like EP gets defensive. He’s like MJ, Pippen, Rodman, and Mutombo all rolled into one. Except like 2 feet shorter. And not black. But other than that, just like that. If that makes sense.

MVP – This was the toughest award for the voters. But after counting, and then re-counting, and then re-re-counting, the MVP of the halfway point is jug. I guess we shouldn’t be surprised, I mean, it’s his era and all. It just goes to show that being a scientist is > than anything else.

Spot Start

And here we go.


Joey Logano wins a NASCAR race, he is 19. Youngest ever. Good for him. It was a rain shortened race, I don't think that should count. Also Blue hates the "youngest ever to..." stuff. I think it is Blue who hates it.

Transformers $201M for Wednesday through Sunday. Good work.

Boss just came into my office. Posting now, will finish the spot start later. Consider it a rain delay.


OK rain delay over. It blew over real fast.

So not only did the Mess lose they let Rivera get his first ever RBI? Wow. Finding new ways to lose everyday, that's your New York Mess.


Apparently WNBA basketball is in season now. Who knew?

So with Billy Mays dying did we start a new 3 or is he just a throw in on the Ed Mc, Far Faw, Mik Jac threesome?


US soccer pulled a Mess it seems. I don't know much about soccer, but I know that a 2-0 lead is a HUGE lead and choking that away is bad. Good work getting to the championship game US soccer, but next time don't Mess it all up.

DYSWIDT?

From cnn.com "Comedian Fred Travalena dies of cancer." I guess Billy Mays is the start of a new 3. It must be 3 celebs people have either never heard of or barely heard of. Maybe Carrot Top will go....Dane Cook might still qualify for the shitty 3 celeb deaths.


Still thinking about Megan Fox's rack in slow motion. Easily the best part of the movie. Although one of those Jar Jar Binks autobots did drop 1 good line. Very funny. Could have been the best part. OK, second thought, no way does that top Megan's rack.

alot of shit happened yesterday

So, Mike Jackson died. The King of Pop. I bought all the newspapers the store had this morning, the arab man was pissed but they never turn down money. I'm selling them on Ebay because my kid is hungry. Don't judge.

When are people going to learn that abusing prescription drugs are bad? And this dude had a comeback planned? I was under the impression he was sickly and you know just was going to die at some point. But this guy was rehearsing and shit for like a 50 show tour in UK. Wow. Not sure where you stand on grown men playing with little boy's booty holes, me personally I'm against it, but the dude made some fucking music. Y'naw mean. I boycotted his shit when the trial was going on but now that he's dead I guess I can fire it backl up. At least that makes sense in my mind. Because let's face it, all rock stars are bad people.

Revolutuionized pop. I can't disagree. LOM will run Mike videos all next week in honor of the fallen child rapist. RIP Mike. You were a weird dude.

Onto the NBA draft, just some notes and observations.

Dickie V had like a 1 minute spot after the 16th pick and chose to talk the entire time about the type of player Tyler Hansbrough is. That is just unreal. I turned it off after the first round, don't recall seeing him again after that. And Thank God, maybe ESPN is realizing this guy makes a mockery of the NBA with shit like that.

Cavaliers could have drafted a player that could help them next year, not sure why they went with "The Air Up There". Was his agent Kevin Bacon? Awful pick. Buddinger would have fit in nice.

What's to say about the Knicks pick. The knock on the kid was that he loses focus at times. If you can't get motivated to play in NYC at the mecca night in night out then you belong in a toll booth collecting fares from motorists somewhere. He had three different coaches and averaged a double double last year. I don't mind the pick (translation : I hate it). And it foreshadows a David Lee deal which upsets me. But hey the Bucks picked Jennings.

Another thing that upsets me is Ric Bucher's spray tan. And Stu Scott's glasses are crooked, and don't do that eye any good.

Ricky Rubio to Minnesota is funny because Spain is just like Minnesota. Except the exact opposite. And it's obvious they don't feel like he'll be NBA ready first year out otherwise why draft Flynn who IS ready to take on some NBA minutes. Are there any Tapas bars in Minny Kod?

Simmons best work, in my opinion are his diaries, obviosuly the yearly NBA draft one does not disappoint.

James Harden with the bowtie. One word. Gangsta.

Why didn't Washington trade the 5 pick to Pheonix for Stout? Just throwing that out there.

Curry dropped to the Warriors which perplexes/perturbs me for two reasons. One, I secretely wanted him on the Knicks so I was a bit crushed and two, Monta Ellis is essentially the same player.

Like the Nets pick, and any player out of Louisville. They had some squad.

Did Larry Brown pick a dukie?

Best thing NYC did last night was the "overated" chant as soon as Stern said "brough". That stung for sure.

Fuck this every other pick stunk, these players stink. Fucking Mike Jackson died and took Farah Fawcett's moment with him.

This draft was weaksauce. WEAKSAUCE.

2nd Annual No Knowledge NBA Lottery Mock

Alright, you know the rules. I'm not a big basketball fan, and I don't really pay attention to any teams but the Pacers. I think that makes me more qualified than your mom, so let's do this. As always, this is only the lottery picks because I don't care enough.

1. The Los Angeles Fails select Blake Griffin, forward who failed to graduate from Oklahoma.
This is happening. Don't try to fight it. Unless you're Griffin who should pull an Eli. His brother will be way better off being the first pick of the Globetrotters.

2. The Memphis Grizzles select Ricky Rubio, guard from Spain.
The Grizz are passing on Thabeet here because they already have Marc Gasol and Darko Milicic. They're set at center for the next 10 years. Or 10 days, I'm not sure. I heard someone say Rubio was a wizard. I'm not certain how that's going to help him on the basketball court.

3. The Seattle Zombies select James Harden, guard who didn't graduate from Arizona State.
I want the Zombies to fail. Best way for that is for me to make them pick a dude that sucks. And if Keith says someone from ASU sucks, that must mean they really do. He has a hard-en for ASU. Boom goes the dynamite.

4. The Sacramento Kings select Tyreke Evans, guard who didn't graduate from Memphis.
The Kings' roster on ESPN says they have 4 shooting guards. Now, I'm not a scientist, but I think that means you need another one. The last guard who was drafted after not graduating from Memphis was pretty good. Lightning doesn't strike twice.

5. The Minnesota Timberwolves select Hasheem Thabeet, center who didn't graduate from Connecticut.
So, what do you do when you have two of the better up and coming, young centers? Take a big stiff to back them up with a top 5 pick. Duh. What were you thinking? Kevin McHale's ghost is hauting the wolfies. This pick is really going to put a charge into the huge Tanzanian community in Minneapolis.

6. The Minnesota Timberwolves select Stephen Curry, guard who didn't graduate from Davidson.
Kevin McHale's ghost decides to make a good pick. Steph is a good shooter, and after much research into the game of basketball, I've found that shooting the ball into the hoop consistently is the main objective. They pick a guy who can do the most important basketball thing, sounds good to me.

7. The Golden State Warrior Princesses select Jordan Hill, forward who didn't graduate from Arizona.
Holy crap, Keith Smart is an assistant coach for the Warriors. You won IU a championship a little over a month after I was born. Good job. Don Nelson hates Andris Bierdins. That's not a joke, either. He's replacing Andris with a more althetic guy. By the way, the Warriors' captains: Bierdins, Stephen Jackson and Ronny Turiaf. Ronny freaking Turiaf. Hot damn.

I didn't find a sponsor this year, so no break in the middle of the draft. Onwards.

8. The New York Knickerbockerers select Brandon Jennings, guard who spent the past year backpacking through Europe.
Word is that Jennings learned 3 words of Italian while playing there. The Knicks are drafting him so that ninny Danilo will feel more at home. It's almost certain to work. If the Knicks don't pick Jennings here, look for them to pick Jrue Holliday, because nothing says "New York" like spelling something wrong.

9. The Toronto Raptors select Jrue Holliday, guard who didn't graduate from UCLA.
Shawn Marion got traded to the Raptors last year. I totally forgot about that. We have our first Canadian, eh, to be taken. Funny that he goes to the only Canadian team. Canadians are afraid of the dark. Canadians spit in people's mouths at 7-11's. Something half-witty.

10. The Milwaukee Bucks select Terrence Williams, guard who actually graduated from Louisville.
I honestly have no idea who this guy is. Literally never heard of him before. Definitely a perfect match for the Bucks. No one cares or remembers who plays there and no one will care or remember who this guy is.

11. The New Jersey Nets select Jonny Flynn, guard who didn't graduate from Syracuse.
The Nets are continuing their tradition of pretending to be from New York by selecting a player that pretended to play for a team in New York. I wonder if Carter's going to try this year. I don't think his contract is expiring, so probably not.

12. The Charlotte Hornets select DeMar DeRozan, guard who didn't graduate from USC.
The last one and done guard from USC was OJ Mayo. Someone let me know how he played last year so I can forecast what DeRozan does. Who am I kidding, DeRozan will suck. He will just be too distracted what with being stalked by Tim Floyd. Floyd needs the money he paid DeRozan to come to USC back. Dollar dollar bill, yo.

13. The Indiana Pacers select DeJuan Blair, forward who didn't graduate from Pittsburgh.
I've gone back and forth on this pick a few times. I really want them to take the local kid, Jeff Teague, but I just think Blair's a better fit. Even though he's slow, he can rebound real well. Wait, the Pacers already have Jeff Foster. Strike all that I just said.

13. The Indiana Pacers select Jeff Teague, guard who graduated from Pike High School.
Red Devils, bitches!

14. The Phoenix Suns select Tyler Hansbrough, forward who graduated from North Carolina.
Even with Robin Lopez, the Suns still fall short of meeting their awkward tall white guy quotient. They really did well to get Psycho T here. He's everything the Suns are looking for. Also, Hansbrough's personality seems like it'd be a great fit with laid-back, non-crazy people like Stat, Shaq, Nash and everyone else on the Suns. Plus, zeke might kill a man if this actually happened.

Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine.

I saw The Hangover. It was great, my only problem with it, and it's been mentioned here in the comments, is that it's not very quotable. Other than that, it's got rock solid, buy the uncut version on DVD the day it comes out status. Whoever said it was just "meh" needs a brainiotomy.

Zeke and EP, here are your peeps, trying to rap. Good Lord, make it stop! It stings the nostrils. The ending is gold though, Huckabee tells them he's had Russel Simmons on and they're better than him. Because, Russel Simmons, you know, he's a great rapper.

Jefferson to the Spurs. I like how the Bucks just don't care anymore. The Bucks front office is like, "We give up. No matter what we do, we just can't put together a competitive squad so we're just going to shut it down." Can a you at least make it LOOK like you're trying? Just a little? Can you do that for a brotha?

According to Chad Ford, everyone and their mother wants the Wiz's fifth pick. The Wiz are asking the usual though, take some of their bad contracts and give them players that can contribute. It'll be interesting to see if it happens. I've also heard rumors that they're interested in Larry Hughes or Jared Jeffries. What? Why?

::UPDATE:: Apparently, they're going to trade the #5 pick, Oleksiy Pecherov, Etan Thomas and Darius Songaila to the Minnesota Timberwolves for Randy Foye and Mike Miller. Minny now has the #5, 6, 18 and 28 picks, and there's rumors that they might trade up to the #2 spot by sending the #5 and 18 picks to Memphis. Even if they don't get the second pick, this is huge for the Wolves. Already the post-McHale Era is a raging success. They get two lottery picks, and some bigs to help out. That was their big weakness last year; big man depth. Losing Foye and Miller will hurt, those two were pretty much the only guys that could knock down shots or create their own offense, but they can replace them with the picks they have stockpiled. Yes, Thomas and Songaila have bad contracts, but I think they will be good bench players and will be able to contribute during the transition. And Thomas' contract expires next year, they could move him at the deadline and fill a need. They really need to spend today and the rest of tomorrow figuring out what to do in the draft. I cannot stress that enough, this draft is going to be big for them. Either they're going follow the Blazers and make smart choices, or they're going to screw it up and be back in the lottery for the next couple of years. From the WIzards standpoint, this is a great trade for them as well. They get two guys that can contribute right away, one is a veteran that can hit the outside shot, the other is a young athletic type. If everyone is healthy and Arenas can play a majority of the season, watch out. They could be the Dan Tony Suns East, which is something I think they've been trying to model themselves after for a long time. This is a team that is a couple of years removed from a #4/5 seed before they were devastated by injuries. I really like the move for Foye, he gives them insurance in case Arenas or Tough Juice goes down for any part of the season, but I think it's going to be a challenge to work him into the lineup when everyone is healthy; that's a lot of touches. Great trade on both ends, I think this is a rare case where both sides win.

As TP reported yesterday, Ryno and Sammy are no longer getting an apartment together. In other, better news, we are just about a month away from the fifth anniversary of the Kerry Kittles trade. The Clippers traded two second round picks to the Nets and the "Kerry Kittles Era" officially began in Los Angeles. Unfortunately, that era would only last 11 games. His contract was reportedly for $9.5 million. That's $8636,636 per game. Money well spent if you ask me.

Three Cowboys Offensive Linemen = Free Reign, a metal band. What. The. Fucks.

Has Football started yet? Has Football started yet? Has Football started yet?
Has Football started yet? Has Football started yet? Has Football started yet?
Has Football started yet? Has Football started yet? Has Football started yet?
Has Football started yet? Has Football started yet? Has Football started yet?

Effing Blogger Being Broke

Sorry for the late post, blogger was being a dirty whore this morning….and apparently last night…..



I hate it when my alarm wakes me out of a deep sleep. Usually I’m about to get up anyway, but not today. Today was not like that. Today might not be a good day. I am pretty sure it is a sign that I should have just called in sick and went back to bed. Woe.

Apparently there is not much baseball on Monday nights. It’s been like this for like 3 weeks in a row. Or at least that’s what I noticed. It probably is always like that. I am not what you would call perceptive. At least most of the time I am not. Sometimes I am pretty on the ball. In any case that damn Vasquez pitched well again. If the Braves ever play important games down the stretch he will choke…he is really born to be a Mess.

Not sure who owns some of the minor league teams that Manny is going to play for and against, but they are going to make some coin when he plays. I doubt he comes out this way to play, but if he does I’m going to go see him. Columbus has a brand new park which is apparently pretty nice. Gammons says it is better than Shea was.

Goddman this sports lull, there isn’t much to write about. Next week I am going to do a UFC preview. UFC 100 is coming up and it is a pretty good card….of course that means that the fights will mostly disappoint. They just had The Ultimate Fighter Finale last Saturday and 3 fights won fight of the night. They all deserved it. It was a really good night of fighting.

Screw it let’s just do a movie review and stop the rambling.

Land of the Lost:

This is another movie in the LOV regular series of movies. This movie is based on Steve and his time in the Land of the Lost. You see in Escape From New York, New York was turned into a prison and criminals were sent there. That was because most of them were already there anyway. In Land of the Lost all the ratards are sent there, again because most of them are already there. Now the good news for El Pad is that he was allowed to move out and he moved to Atlanta right before New York became the Land of the Lost.

There was bad news for Steve, he got sent to the Land of the Lost. He thinks he shouldn’t be there, but a tip from Arizona came in and said “Gammons said Steve is a ratard.” Well if Gammons says it then it must be true and Steve had not choice but to go to the LotL.

Now once he gets there you’d think hilarity would ensue, but it doesn’t….ah who am I kidding, of course hilarity ensues. Steve is trys to get out of there. He wants to go back to North Carolina where the folks are slightly less ratarded.

So he meets up with some ratard there and gets tossed into ratard jail. He escapes ratard jail by just saying he was supposed to get out. Then the ratards find out he is the least ratarded and put him in charge of growing crops. He does so, but the ratards are impatient and put him in Yankee Stadium to fight a bear. He beats the bear and the crops grow. He becomes president of the ratards and marries a hooker who is also not that retarded.

Tough times in NY, you

I didn't win Powerball this weekend. Woe.

Caput Mundi can't get anything right recently. The Mess are a typical mess. The Yankees have struggled lately and haven't beat the Red Sux yet this season. And now the US Open can't get completed in regular time because the course has been flooded all weekend. #1 city in the world my as.

So cmk fucking watches these murder mystery shows all the time. Dateline ID channel, Oxygen channel, TLC. Any channel that has murder mystery shows, and she's watching it. She even watches the shit that's on the free INDemand. I tolt her she better not be watching them to get any ideas. If anyone ever sees on the Internets that I died a mysterious death, I'm just throwing this out there.

I can't believe that zeke is siding with tem in the "The Hangover is not that great" camp. I'm shocked! I'm surprised! I'm flabbergasted! I'm something something! We need to have an intervention or something.

I need to get a new phone this week. I don't really want to get a BlackBerry. I'll take suggestions from everyone on what I should get. I have Verizon. Is there another phone that I could LoV on besides a BlackBerry?

Jug, let me know my name/pic for our bet. I'll probably use them more than 2 days. I need to cut back a little bit on my Internets usage at work. The director of our division, whose office is right behind me, made a comment to my boss the other day asking why I was on the Internets so much. Bullshit.

I can't wait for College Fooyball* to be here. I might buy NCAA Fooyball* on PS2, if they even sell new PS2 games anymore. Because that's how I roll.

You know why soccer sucks? There is some tourney going on right now, and the US had gotten smoked so far by Brazil & Italy (ISBNS), but they beat Egypt on Sunday by 3, and Italy lost by 3, so the US made the semi-finals. Now they will get smoked by Spain. Congrats.

I think that's all for now. Talk to you again in 168 hours. I think you all will like next week's post. I have a good idear for it. It's just about whether I'll put the time into it or not.