Friday, March 13, 2015

IT'S FRIIIIIIDAY!

So this happened on the Twitter masheen last night




It's pretty awesome

Will Ferrell yada yada yada.  Thus far, I've only seen one piece of footage of him making a play. I want to see more.

I think we've discussed the Eagles slightly less than the national media.  I don't think they'll be any good. 8-8.

TACO TALK

What's your preferred taco at home? Ground beef? Chicken? Steak? Pork? I like chicken best. They feel healthier and kinda fancy.
What are your go-to toppings for tacos? I'm a simple man. Cheese, lettuce, Ortega hot taco sauce. Man, I really hate when grocery stores don't have the big bottle of the Ortega hot sauce. Anyone else tried the retail Taco Bell sauces? If you haven't, don't. They suck. They don't taste anything like they do from Taco Bell.

BUCKS TALK

I love this current Bucks team. The Edens & Lazry are building this team the right way. They're gonna be scary good in a couple years. Making the playoffs this season actually disappoints me. I wanted another high lottery pick/a shot at Jahlil Okafor. Oh well, at least Jabari will be back next year.
Khris Middleton. That dude is fucking good at basketball. I loved when he got "thrown in" the Jennings trade. Turning a shoot first PG with a shit FG% into Middleton, Carter-Williams, Tyler Ennis, and Miles Plumlee is fucking amazing.

BREER'S TALK
The 2015 Milwaukee Brewers will not finish 4th or 5th in the NL Central. Thanks for the $30, Keith. I think I'll put it towards a new pair of sneakers.

POOPWATCH!

It's been a long time since I've had to bail out the the shower in the morning to shit. I know Jug cares.


I bet it's the coolest shit in the world to be a millionaire. I mean, you can pretty much do whatever the fuck you want whenever you want. I don't understand why so many of these CEOs, and top end execs bother to keep working when they've been making a few/several/many millions of dollars a year for the last 15 years. What's the fuckin' point? Just quit.

Shit, if I even made 35 to 40k, I'd be out here stuntin' on motherfuckers. System in the whip, actual furnishings in a nicer apartment(not too fancy though), able to travel for a vacation, sheiit.


THE END  
I wanted to post my favorite Ed Sheeran song/video, but I couldn't find the version I wanted. It's "Don't" off his VH1 Storytellers show. Instead I'll throw my second favorite one. This is "Thinking Out Loud". I dig this cat's music.


Monday, February 23, 2015

Is your diary running? You better go get it.

Back by my demand, live on tape delay, here is my attempt at some humor. Aitch probably won't be impressed. I'm no Dane Cook or Denis Leary. Sue me.
The red carpet show is currently on. I'm making fun of people. Weird. Cmk gave up talking bad about people for lent. What a waste. Right now they're showing Faith Hill and Tug McGraw. Or Tim. Whichever one wasn't the former pitcher. But I've never seen him without a hat so I didn't have any idea who it was.
Lady Gaga side boob. She's still gross.
Patricia Arquette looks like csil looked today when she dropped cmk off from the bachelorette party. Not. Good. She should brush her hair.
The guy who met my mother is opening up the show with a whitey joke. Now he's singing. I've lost interest already. Jeez, this is long. I think they mislabeled this and it's really the Tony awards.  
There's Nicole Kidman and her wife.
This first presenter is baa-lackkkk. Like, a lot. And she's wearing a white dress made of pearls or something. I think they call that contrast.
Best supporting actor goes to the Farmers Insurance guy. Good for him. Those commercials are good. Side note, I want to see Whiplash. Doogie made a funny, "he, won an Oscar, bum ba bum bum bum bum bum.
Side note, I don't want to see Grand Budapest Hotel. I'm not sure if I want to see American Sniper.
Adam Levine. FF
J-Lo always has to wear a dress cut down the middle to the waist. I don't like her or her small boobs. Costume award...FF
Reese Witherspoon and her 7-head is presenting the makeup and hairstyle award. Tem probably wouldn't, but I will...FF
Channing Tatum is so dreamy. He kind of looks like Sean Casey right now. That's not a compliment.
Nicole Kidman and a really black guy. I think they call that contrast. Best foreign film. FF
Side note, I want to see Boyhood. I also want to see The Theory of Everything. I want to see Birdman, like a lot.
Everything is awesome. Apparently. They should have told their song that.
Lisps drive me crazy. I don't know why. Do you know what else drives me crazy? Live action short films. FF
Documentary short subject sounds like an awful category. FF
Governor's award time. The nominees are Ahnold, Jesse the Body, and Jeb Bush. SWIDT?
Doogie is walking around in his underwear. Bilok is drooling.
Side note, I want to see Unbroken.
Jesus is presenting Best Supporting Actress. I thought he'd be too busy for this gig. And the winner is....hot mess Patricia. What is she talking about? She's as big of a mess inside as she is outside.
Anna Kendrick is cute enough. Not hot, but cute. Kevin Hart is just a little guy. Der. Best animated short film. FF
This Zoey chick is cute. Great rack. She's presenting best animated film with aThe Rock, or as he was introduced, Dwayne Johnson. Big Hero 6 wins. Not sure why Lego Movie wasn't nominated. It's not like it was a big year for animated movies.
Time to see who dies this year. Meryl Streep is presenting. She might be on next year's montage. I always feel bad for the people who don't get any applause.
Side note, I want to see The Imitation Game. I don't want to see Selma.
I said Keira Knightly kind of looks like Natalie Portman sometimes. Cmk was offended.
Jennifer Aniston is so hot. She'll be 80 years old and still be hot. But I'll be 70 so it won't sound as weird.
John Legend and Common singing some song about race. Unfortunately I'm caught up on the DVR.  That's racist. I might have said is before, but John Legend's wife is fugly. Can't believe she's an SI model.
Best song, Glory. Yay civil rights. Just lost all respect for John Legend. Get off your high zorse. Don't stand there and talk to me about there being more black men currently incarcerated in this country than there were enslaved on plantations in the 1800s. The fuck outta here with that drivel. Don't even make that comparison.
ScarJo, yes please, still.
Lady Gaga, no thank you, still. Girl can sing, though.
 Eddie Murphy is in the top 5 grossing actors of all time? Goddamn. I wonder how that's calculated. Like, does Shrek's earnings count towards his total? Or does it only count movies where you're the lead actor?
Side note, I want to see Foxcatcher.
Best director goes to Birdman director. Alejandro de Mexicano.
Best actor. I hope it's Mr. Mom. And the winner is, the dude who played Stephen Hawking. He just did the ice bucket challenge.
Best actress. Winner is, Julianne Moore. Fucking gingers. I've never even heard of the movie she's in.
Best picture, presented by Sean Penn. I remember when he was married to Madonna. The winner is Birdman.
Goodnight now!

Friday, February 06, 2015

Pity post

I was thinking about this the other day.  Suppose the Blazers dont fuck up and they draft Jordan.  Would Jordan have been as big of a superstar as he was in Chicago.  I mean I'm assuming he would have been the exact same player, but would he have been as big a star based in a small market?  Now he would have been in Nike's backyard, but would he have had the national draw for Nike to even notice him?  I mean would he have been Damien Lillard?  group text, discuss.

I've gone back and forth on the stupid call in the Super Bowl.  I saw an angle that showed how open lockette was when Wilson started his throwing motion.  I've come to this, it wasn't that bad of a call, but an all time play by butler.  Now, that being said, the likelihood of butler making an all time great play is higher than anyone making a similar type of play on a running play.  This has been beat to death, but I don't think Bevell ever gets a HC opportunity now.  I also believe that Carroll didn't want to deal with having to pay or cut the Super Bowl MVP in the offseason if Marshawn would have won it.

Marshawn lynch and Gronk playing Mortal Kombat on Conan was must see.

Wonder what Aaron Hernandez is up to these days.

Is it just me or are most of the pats great players white?  So Seahawks vs Pats was like black guys vs white dudes?

Apparently you don't fuck with Jordan (the country)

Friday, January 30, 2015

Super Bowl

I'll stick with the tried and true "Defense Wins Championships" but a few points here. Hawks +1

I wonder which weapon Belichick will commit to taking away. Lynch or Wilson's zone read runs/options. Or both?

If the former, will he live with one on one coverage on the outside?

My take is take Lynch out of the game. Revis was a tremendous signing, let the man do his job. Baldwin is average and Kearse is below average.

I'm taking the under 47.5 in this game. All of Pats Super Bowls with the exception of the Carolina one, their first, hit the under.

Part of my reasoning is that the Seahawks offense is pretty bad, statistically the only thing they do well is run. And I have to figure Belichick will take that element away, or try. On the other side Seattle's best weapon is their defense. Even with the ball in their territory 7 times in the first quarter vs. Green Bay they only gave up 16 points. 4 times in the Red Zone.....Bend don't break I guess.

Gronk effect. Pats will be creative in getting him open.

Seattle speacializes in the same defense the Giants have beaten the Pats with in their last 2 appearences. This is truth. Good four man rush, press corners, backers moving back and forth in their lanes and at least one safety.

Brady is the best QB, statistically, vs. blitzes. More specific, big blitzes. You will see no blitzes called from Seattle from the Falcons head coach Quinn.

Seattle has the best kicking combo on the game. Pats have the 4th best.

Sherman's injury is a non-factor. Earl Thomas's injury was more sever and generally heals in 2-3 weeks. Could be an issue, especially the way he throws his body around.

Josh McDaniels was offensive coordinator during the Spygate things and is now the offensive coordinator during Deflategate things. Just sayin.

Take the over in FG's.

Seattle's weakest link is right tackle. I would expect to see the Pats attack that side on passing downs.

I thought Clay Matthews has an all-world game last week vs Seattle. He was fantastic. Played spy on Wilson perfectly and shed multiple blocks when they ran.

Shane Vereen is a sleepy pick for MVP......

On the Seattle side, Luke Wilson seems to score in important moments. Sleepy MVP pick.

Have fun boys and fuck ISIS and Russia.

God Bless America.





Saturday, January 17, 2015

Championship Pickles.

Both games are extremely interesting.

I thought the Colts coming into this playoff competition were the 3rd weakest team, behind the Panthers and Cards. Carolina got the draw of a lifetime and even though they played like trash they won easily. Bengals did what they do best opening the door for a Colt team that lost to every single team on their schedule this year with a winning record. Last week after Carolina met its maker the Colts pretty much rolled a Denver team that pretty much rolled over. I still don't understand how 53 professionals who "love the game" came out to a playoff game with white flags. I think they moved on because the Broncos gave up and their QB turned 45 six years early.

Brady is the greatest QB I think in my lifetime. There I said it. Ok. Leave me the fuck alone. He's zeroed in on this opportunity since the confetti rained down on Eli's second super bowl party. He is a 'scorched earth" type player. He wants a shot at another championship and he will scorch earth to get it. If Andrew Luck has any weakness at all, despite saying he does not, Belichick will exploit it. And if here doesn't he will exploit everyone else. It's not only about Bady though. Gronkowski is healthy, Revis is Revis. Edelman is clutch. Browner is glue. It's too much for Indy who don't have enough playmakers. I got the Pats to cover 7 points (31-23)

If you have Rodgers you have a chance I keep telling myself that. But I can't get over the Seattle's defense. It's so good. It's great. It's better, in my opinion, then the 2000 Ravens team. Same amount of all-pro's. Almost at the same positions. What do you think it's like preparing your offense vs. this defense every week in practice. It's like somehow I forget the Seahawks play offense. It's sort of like, does it matter? Seattle's D is that feared cleanup hitter that always goes yard. It's the ace in the hole. It's 4 back to back Draw Four cards in Uno. It's the can opener in a bomb shelter. It's a force. Packers will hang around until the third quarter. Seahawks will be defending their title, I got them to cover the 7.5. (27-17)

Thursday, January 15, 2015

january temblings

Advice

So on one hand you have never go to bed angry then on the other hand you have sleep on it. Both phrases are said all the time but they never really fly in each other's face. It's like sleep on it isn't for marital issues and never go to bed angry is only for marital issues. Well I am a proponent of the sleep on it idea for almost everything. For instance work is annoying the fuck out of me lately but sleeping on it usually solves the problem. The next day whatever I was pissed about has gone away and there is new shit to do. Plus the time just reminds me that the grass isn't greener on the other side. Jobs suck. So I guess what I am saying is go ahead and go to bed angry, fuck that saying. Sleep on it.

Ohio State

Good fucking Lord. Fans around here are so fucked up. All they will talk about it what are the three QBs going to do next year. They won't even relish the title and enjoy the moment. We are already on to what is Urb going to do with 3 Heisman trophy candidate QBs. If you tell them that any one of them isn't going to be here next year they go apeshit. If you say that you heard Miller is thinking of transferring to Oregon they either tell you that there is no way he'd do that or that he'd never do that because he has to sit out a year (they don't know the Russell Wilson rules). If you tell them Jones is going pro they tell you he can't because he is a sophomore (they don't know the eligibility rules for the draft). In any case it is kind of fun to watch them go apeshit but they have no ability to sanely discuss the 3 QB "problem." The most likely scenario seems to be that Braxton transfers and Barrett and Jones battle it out. It wouldn't shock me to see 2 of the 3 guys transfer. I would be shocked to see any of them go pro. I would be SAS for Barrett and Jones, but only shocked for Braxton. And yeah nobody calls Braxton Miller around here by his last name. Apparently the whole town is on a first name basis with him. Jones gets Cardale and Jones but Braxton only gets called Braxton.


LeBron

Being a player coach is hard.



License Plate

Saw IH8PPL, that was a good one.


Football Picks from Tem

Seattle and New England win. The other teams lose. El Pad can add further analysis.


Oscars

I haven't even heard of half of these movies. I have no idea what Birdman is about. If it is about Koko B Ware then I am in, otherwise not so much. The Grand Budapest Hotel sounds dumb, but again I have no idea whatsoever about the plot. I guess it is about a hotel in Budapest. I don't have time for this movie shit. And I am not going to see American Sniper. That is a drama disguised as an action flick, fuck that shit. Don't try to trick me into watching a movie by showing explosions and guns and stuff.


UFC et al

Jon Jones is legend. Gets popped for coke on a test that never should have been run and then goes into rehab for one day as a damage control publicity thing. That is fucking hilarious. It'd be bigger news if it wasn't for Kurt Busch saying his ex-girlfriend is a trained assassin. America can only handle one crazy ass story from a sport at a time and luckily for these guys UFC and NASCAR get lumped in with a bunch of other sports in the Fringe Sport category. Other Fringe Sports include bowling, tennis, golf, soccer and hockey. These are sports that the average American keeps track of on a macro level (look it up if you don't know what it means) but doesn't delve into a micro level on it. Football, baseball and basketball all get the micro treatment.


Also in UFC news Carla Esparza will meet Joanna Jedrzejczyk in the first ever women's strawweight title defense. Good Lord that is a hell of a last name. Jedrzejczyk? You fucking kidding me? That sumbitch ends with 5 consonants in a row and has a 3 consonant streak in it too.


NFL Draft

I just don't want Winston to the Bucs. Anyone But Winston. He seems like a super talented dipshit. When is the last time a QB with absolutely no common sense made it big in the NFL for more than 1 or 2 years? Maybe in the 70s or something. Cam Newton seems like maybe he isn't so smart but I don't think he qualifies as a "elite" and while he had some trouble in college it wasn't stealing crab legs when you could have asked for them and gotten them for free trouble.

Also I don't really want them to draft Mariota. He seems like a more slender, quicker Tim Tebow.


OK that is enough junk.

Friday, January 09, 2015

Playoff Pickles

Baltimore +7
Seattle -10.5
Dallas +5.5
Den-7

That Baltimore line is nuts.
The Seattle line couldn't be high enough.
Dallas has been unreal on the road and I have no idea what to make of Rodgers calf in freezing temps.
Denver going to mollywop the Colts.

Saturday, January 03, 2015

Curiously Strong Mints

Playoffs?

Is anyone picking the Cardinals? Poor Arizona fans (if any). Facing a team that won their division with less wins then they already had in week 11 of the season as 7 point underdogs. Todd Bowles, if he is head coach worthy, this is the game to prove it. Stop that rushing attack and you will be walking the sidelines as the HNIC come next fall. Get gashed and you will just be a Rooney rule candidate. No pressure.

I'll take the points. Arizona.

Media making this matchup seem like Hines Ward, Ed Reed and Ray Lewis are still playing. They are not. Harrison is barely playing and Suggs is the only "rivalry" player there still. This is a game of matchups and the truth is the Ravens secondary is terrible and the Steelers passing game is incredible.

Steelers by a mile.

No idea, could pick either team. Both have flaws, none of them are fatal. Ultimately - you go with "Never trust a ginger" and take the horseshoes.

Indy -3 is the play.

Best offensive line in football all year vs. the best defensive line in football all year. I really want Dallas to lose obviously. Jerry Jones pats himself on the back every morning for this years division crown. Despite 8 or 9 mediocre, middling seasons before it. Fucking guy has the ego of Kanye West. But I never make picks with my heart. Dallas is better than the Lions. Plain and simple. No one can cover Dez Braynt this year. Funny because you could probably say the same thing about Calvin Johnson. I don't like the points but I like Dallas to advance. Demarco Murray's pimp hand is strong.

Detroit +6.5

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Christmas

BUT DO YOU RECALLLLLLLLLLLLLL
THE MOST FAMOUS REINDEER OF ALL!!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS boys!

God Bless the children. Spoil them, they are precious.

Friday, December 19, 2014

Roasted Chicken and Red Wine

Hi how is everyone?
You have everything set for xmas?
What's the big kid gift this year?
Any time off?

Please don't answer any of the above questions. I'm sure you answered them a million times in your own corp settings.

Real story on WWL : "New England has the only NFL offense that changes its game plan each week to attack opponents' flaws. " - Thought everyone did that? Isn't that kind of the point of studying tape. So confused.

I'm a little surprised they benched Cutler, despite his poor season isn't he still the guy there? Don't they need to work together? Meaning Trestman, Cutty and the OC guy? Or fuck it they will clean house.

Looks like, to my count, 7 jobs will be open. Seems high.
Oak, Miami, Jets, Niners, Bears, Falcons, and a wild card or surprise if you will.

For me it's a toss up between Jay Gruden resigning or Bengals firing Lewis if they miss the playoffs. If they fire Lewis people will march and yell Black Lives Matter. Also small chance Ron Rivera goes. Giants are keeping Coughlin. Guaranteed.

10% chance Sean Payton leaves or gets fired. Just a feeling. Even though him and Brees are so connected.

I'm hoping Harbaugh takes the money. GO BLUE!

Starting watching Sons of Anarchy. So far so good.

Pickles.

If Philly doesn't smash Washington then Jameis Winston is involved somehow.

San Fran because Rivers possibly out.

Sota with a huge road win sealing Philbins fate.

Baltimore because they need to keep pace in the wild wild North chase.

Detroit because Claussen is not the answer.

Carolina because Manziel is Troy Smith / Billick

New Orleans because Superdome.

Green Bay because no fucking way.

Burgh because KC doesn't throw the football.

New England because they study tape better than everyone else.

Giants because of course they will finish 7-9 to frustrate their fan base and not force any changes.

Oakland because Derek Carr is a stud.

Indy because Luck has played shitty three weeks in a row.

Seattle because they are dominating right now.

Denver because Dalton.


======)> - - - - (:

Friday, December 12, 2014

El Pad's Xmas Wish List 2014 version

I want all of these things but will get none of these things.

Still looking for that Taser.....
A case of Booker's Bourbon. It is simply my favorite on earth.
Microsoft Surface Pro laptop/tablet
One of those cordless screwdrivers, whichever one allows you to change the angle and has a little light.
Silpat silicone baking sheets
a Charles Thyrwitt gift certificate so I can buy my dress shirts
All of Michael Ruhlman's cookbooks
Air Jordan 11's
Bose SoundTouch Wi-Fi music system
A nice pair of cufflinks
Pat La Frieda's MEAT book and a 5 pounds of his Shake Shack hamburger blend
A squatty potty, for less stressful shits

Pickles.
Steelers -1
Chris Rock called Rothlisberger the Bill Cosby of the NFL. Ha.

Giants -6.5
What a mess the Skins are.

Miami +7.5
Everyone is picking New England to be in the Super Bowl right now.

KC -10
I really like Carr but the Cheifs are due.

Indy -7
Luck can suck sometimes ya know.

Bal -14
GB -4
Rodgers is certainly the best.

Car -3
Cle -1
Johnny. Football.

Jets -2
Den -4
Det -9.5

SF +10
Whoa. Vegas is mad sour on SF huh? Doesn't help thier QB is a mental midget.

Philly -3
NO -2.5
How do you pick the Bears for anything right now?

Friday, December 05, 2014

Ice Pops

Man Kim Kardashian visiting the troops. I can still hear the fapping.

Mikey Rourke strikes me as that actor who talks like he is in a movie all the time.

Oil is backing Putin into a corner. The ruble is crashing. He is getting desperate which makes him dangerous.

Harbaugh in Ann Arbor? If I'm AD at Michigan I hand my program over to Greg Schiano. That motherfucker can coach.

We have a local weather person here for ABC, her name is Amy Freeze. Perfect name. Also she has big tits.

Meiz are you on Tinder? Or is pussy still not a priority for you?

If animals were gay I think Giraffes would be the gayest.

I think excessive force was used during the Eric Garner arrest and I think the cop should have been indicted on manslaughter charges. I wouldn't call that murder. I'm surprised he got off. Well not surprised because prosecutors and cops lie in the same bed but the evidence seemed overwhelming. I don't even mind the chokehold to take him down but once he said he couldn't breath, let go. There are 5 of you. I'm sure he could have been contained and even if he starting swinging out of it he was already on the floor. Pathetic. I'm surprised they bothered a fat dude selling loosies outside a store. There has to be something more pressing to resolve than untaxed cigarette sales? Also, that's ATF's job. Go get the REAL drugs off the street.

The Ferguson grand jury got it right. That dude was a piece of shit and put the cop in an impossible situation. With that said, I don't think beat cops are trained properly or given the proper tools to defend themselves. Rubber bullets, tasers, old-fashioned night sticks.

Terminator Genysis trailer is HDH but I'm totally confused. John Conner is sent back in time to save his mother?
Or is the Terminator sent back in time and to the future to bring down Skynet?

Fucking Skynet.

Pickles.

Cincy -3
(Dalton is Cutler 2.0 with less zip)
Stl -3
(Tre Mason time)
Giants pick em
(Jints lead the league, again, in players on injured reserve, by a mile too)
Carolina +10
(Cam Newton took two steps back this year, quietly a non story for some reason)
Jets +6
(It's fucking cold in Minnesota right now)
Miami -2.5
(Why isn't Richie Incognito playing football but Jonathan Martin is?)
Indy -3.5
(I don't believe in Hoyer, Pettine is playing himself right now)
Det -10.5
(Run it Detroit, you will need the running game in the post season)
Jax +6
(If I see another JJ Watt story I'm going to murder someone)
Denver -10
(They are lock city at home in the regular season)
KC -1
(Cheifs get off the snide, Arizona has real injury problems and Stanton is not taking them anywhere)
Sea +1
(Because defense travels and it's rounding into form)
SF -8
(Not a road game, Kaepernick will never be a franchise QB, he is so immature)
NE -3.5
(Like I said earlier in the year, coming off a loss the Pats are basically indestructable)
GB -13
(Good god the Falcons have no shot)




Sunday, November 30, 2014

Turkey sucks

Ravens
Giants
Cards
Saints
Kc
Pats
Texans
Vikes
Bengals
Bills
Oak
Colts

Friday, November 21, 2014

Jungle Fever

It's snowing in Buffalo.

Is Ebola still a thing?

How is Tebow on the SEC network? Does anyone outside of the gulf coast area watch that channel?

I'm not comparing the Cosby thing to the Paterno thing because Joe Pa didn't touch anyone but it is eerily similar. Fall from grace, old people, rapey, etc.

Christmas is here.

Homeland is straight fire right now.

You will be taking the Mets seriously next year. All of you.

Never had Gumbo.

What's Spiff up to?

Pix
Record, ask Keef

Falcons -3
Titans +11
Detroit +7.5
Green Bay -9.5
Jax +14
Cincy +1
Jets + 3
Bears -6
Arizona +7
St Loo +4
Denver -7
SF -10
Giants +3
Balt +3


Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino